everyone is gay

Dannielle Says:

This is one of those hurt her now or hurt her later situations. She’s going to find out eventually and the longer it takes, the less of a chance you have at keeping a friendship with her. This douchebag has cheated on her three times and you know it and you haven’t told her. Now, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to tell her, bc i think douchebag should man-the-fuck-up and tell her, but that’s not going to happen. 

Also, there are people all over the world getting wasted right now with their best friends and NOT cheating on their significant others. You can’t really blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol.

I mean, I don’t know your friend, maybe she’ll be like ‘he cheated on me? three times? i’m so mad at you!’ and you’ll be like ‘say what?’ and it’ll be confusing bc that’s what happens sometimes. BUT DUDE…if you wanna salvage a friendship AT ALL, you should tell her. Tell douchebag you’re going to tell her so he’s not sideswiped when she dumps his dirty dick, but tell her. 

If my fran did my boo and didn’t tell me, i would not be able to be franz with her anymore. If she did my boo and told me, it would take me a while, but I could reason with myself eventually and still be franz. 

Tell her. No one is gaining anything by you keeping it from her.

Kristin Says:

Here’s the thing.  I think you are going to be in a shitty situation either way you slice it, but one way means being honest and not having to walk around feeling like a giant dick all the time, and the other way means lying and feeling like a guilty goose.  #madethatup #guiltygoose

You are best friends with the cheater, so I know you feel that your alliance should be with him…and in part one of this process it should be.  What is part one, you ask?  I WILL TELL YOU.  You have to talk to him first.  It should go a little something like this, “Hi bestie.  Remember how that thing happened when we were drunk?  Yeah, me too.  I feel really horrible about it and I have thought long and hard #thatswhatshesaid and I have decided that, regardless of what you want to do, I need to be honest with Tulip about what happened.” (his gf’s name is obviously Tulip).

He is PROBABLY going to flip out on you, and you have to stand your ground.  Give him a few days to decide if he wants to tell Tulip himself, or if he is going to tuck his dick between his legs and run away scared. Make sure you tell him that you are not trying to be disrespectful, but that you just can’t stand to walk around lying all the time.  If he is really your bestie, he will eventually calm down and understand.

Tulip is going to be upset with you either way, but the thing is…you fucked up and all you can do is be honest and apologize.  After you do those things, give everyone some healing time, okay?  Situations like these have a way of exploding right away and then calming down once people get a little breathing room.

HONESTY AND APOLOGIES FOR THE WIN, EVERYONE.

Dannielle Says: 

DUUUUDE. The fact that you DON’T go to that school and your school ALSO isn’t accepting is 10,000 times more powerful! Get a fucking group together and go support the shit out of them. 

This is the exact thing Kristin and I are talking about when we tell you guys it’s important to get involved. Protesting a chik-fil-a is couter-productive, but going to your friends school board with 15-20 kids who have the same opinion as you and saying ‘this is our generation, this is what we want, we are fighting for a better society’ is powerful as fuck. 

Do it. Absoultely do it. Get friends together, get parents together, go by yourself, it doesn’t matter. Your voice is important, powerful and effective and you not only deserve to be heard, but you deserve to make a change and you will. 

I’m proud of you. it’s like…fuck yea, you guys! 

Kristin Says:

Oh HELLLLL yeah, you should definitely go.  Walk into that room like you OWN that shit, throw your shoulders back and imagine that Dannielle and I are walking behind you with a giant flat screen TV hoisted above our heads which is loudly playing the final dance number from Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze lifts Baby up above his head…OR WHATEVER GETS YOU GOING.

As far as I know, school board meetings are open to friends and family of students who attend that school, but if for some reason they only allow students of that school inside the doors, you just sit tight and wait outside the doors until the meeting is over.  Hug your friend when the meeting is over and let the other students in the (hopefully-soon-to-be) GSA know that you came out because it means a lot to you.

We all know how much it can mean to know that we have the support of the people we care about.  Going out of your way to be supportive, especially when coming from a community where you are also being made to feel less-than, can quite literally shake the walls with strength and solidarity. 

Whether you are twelve, fifteen, twenty-four or seventy-three, when you stand together with others to take action, shit starts to actually HAPPEN.  Go to it.  One school board meeting at a time let’s rock this shit.

Dannielle Says: 

Dude. I feel like it’s impossible. 

I mean, when I look back on high school i’m like ‘i guess the popular girls were nice to me, hottie boys were pretty nice to me, i talked to nerdy kids, i did the drama thing, i had a crush on a swimmer, no one HATED me…really, but it sucked so bad” 

I legit COULDN’T STAND high school. I had a few friends that had my back and that was awesome, but i wasn’t invited to parties, didn’t go out on the weekends, and never felt liked. I never felt like anyone thought I was cool, I never felt like anyone wanted to be my friend and I never felt like I fit in. 

But I got the fuck over it bc I realized everyone was kind of obsessed with status and all I wanted to do was sing musicals with my friend, Brynn…and that’s what I did…literally, my senior year consisted of Brynn and I singing Batboy! The Musical in my car, making up dance moves to LaLaine songs (miranda from lizzie mcguire) and eating Jr. Whoppers…

srsly you guys…that was when i was happiest. When I was finally like FUCK IT, IMMA DO WHAT I WANT. It doesn’t matter what other people think, it really doesn’t. Just have fun, do dumb shit and dance…always dance…BECAUSE Here’s the thing. When you look back on high school do you want to say ‘man, all i remember is not feeling like i fit in’ or do you wanna say ‘i didn’t really fit in, but i still remember the dance my best friend and i made up to YOU WISH BY LALAINE’

BC I CHOOSE OPTION TWO. ##everytimeastarfallsfromtheskyyouwish

Kristin Says:

Here is the thing about “normal” vs “fitting in,” you ready?

Normal is an imaginary thing based on how many people are doing a certain thing at a certain time.  If in the year 2011, two hundred million people are eating breaded chicken while watching American Idol, then that’s ‘normal.’  If in the year 2056, three hundred million people are eating rutabaga salads while practicing their macarena-salsa fusion dance mix…then that is normal.  Normal is a pile of bullshit, because most people just do ‘normal’ things because it is all they know or all they see.

Fuck normal.

Fitting in, however, is a little bit of a different ballgame, because you can always fit in somewhere, regardless of how ‘normal’ you are…you just have to find the people who want to do the things you like, and who understand who you are without judging how that aligns with who everyone else is.  When I was in high school I did theater, and the people who did theater with me…they fucking got it, you know?  No one had to do the same things, we were all just a bunch of kids who were exploring what it meant to be an adult person with crazy feelings.  One year I wore black velvet dresses with combat boots, and the next I wore grandpa sweaters from the salvation army.  Regardless of what I was wearing, I always fit in with the theater kids.

What I am trying to say is, the line between ‘normal’ and ‘fitting in’ is being true to yourself.  If you are true to yourself, you will find a group of people (whether that is one person or seventeen) who love you for you, period.  You will ‘fit in’ with people who don’t ask you to change or conform to their ideals. 

(Hint: Look for the group of kids who are laughing their asses off together in the hallways, who are wearing mismatched everything, who get stares from teachers and parents, but who continue to say what they believe and dress and do what they want.  Those are usually the kids who won’t ask you to be ‘normal,’ but who will accept you as you are.)

Dannielle Says:

BUTTT IIII’VE GOT BAAAAAAGGAGE EMOTIONAL BAAAAAAGGGAGE A PLANE LOAD OF DRAAAGAGE THAT CAUSES MUCH SAAAAAAGAGE *EVERYBODY* WE’VE GOT BAGGGGAGE… 

That was a quote from one my favorite off-broadway musicals I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE. 

Everyone has baggage you guys. We all have different bags with different handles, but we all have it. My baggage comes in the form of crying for 3 hours straight after seeing Country Strong and not saying a single word. Your baggage may come in the form of you saying everything that’s gone wrong in your life within the first week of knowing me. And that makes us different…and that is OKAY.

You guys, we’re all going through life, we all get fucked over, we all make really shitty mistakes, we all keep it inside, we all explode, we all cry hysterically, we all can’t breathe sometimes, we all feel like a waste of space, we all can’t be in a good relationship…until we can. Does that make sense? When she/you/we is/are ready to be awesome in an awesome relationship, she/you/we will be. And it will be awesome. 

If you like her, you like her, keep liking her…don’t decide she has too many issues before you’ve even given her a chance…you don’t know the details, and like, what if you’re supposed to spend your life with her and you totally miss out bc you’re like ‘she’s dramatic…’ 

you know?

Kristin Says:

Well here is a great example of a question that we just can’t really answer for you, Anonymous.  It’s like…when I like a girl I like the girl because I like the girl, and if she comes with some stuff that is built up from living this crazy life, it doesn’t typically phase me because I just need to have the girl.

I would never be able to use logical reasoning in the first stages of falling for someone, which is why falling for someone is so nutty.  Actually.  Let me rephrase that…because I would probably be able to use my logic to not get involved with someone who was a heroin user, or who beat their kids, or who thought that white people were better than black people.  I am assuming, however, that by “baggage,” you mean that this girl isn’t emotionally perfect and that you are unsure about how that will fit with you.

So, even though I said before that I couldn’t tell you what to do, I am going to now tell you what to do.  Kiss her face and kiss her face real good, and then get all wobbly kneed and go on a few dates and maybe even touch her boobs or WHATEVER.  If, as you start to get to know her more, her emotional shit is dragging you down, THAT is when you have to take a step back and assess the situation.  Talk to her about your concerns.  Maybe she will want to talk it out with you and try to make it work, maybe she will fly into a rage and break all of your Precious Moments figurines that your grandma gave you…you won’t know until you are there, and if she breaks your figurines you have to be strong and FIGURINE HER OUT OF THE PICTURE. #dumbjokewednesday

Seriously though.  It’s like…if you KNOW this girl is totally not good for you already, then don’t even ask us the question.  Don’t get involved.  If you really like her and you have concerns, though, just take it one step at a time.

Okay? Okay.

Dannielle Says:

Look at it this way. You’re either going to totally love the shit out of your str8 roomie and talk to her about it or you’ll love your str8 roomie and not talk to her about it. 

If you DO talk to her about it, maybe she likes you back. ooooor she doesn’t like you back, and you guys decide to be friends and she won’t do anything to lead you on and everything is fine. ORRRRR she doesn’t like you and you’re too sad to be friends with her. 

If you DON’T talk to her, you’re like DOESSHELIKEME I CAN’T TELL IFSHELIKESME DOESSHELIKE ME. and you go crazy and your friend doesn’t know why and you guys are still cuddling and she’s like ‘I LOVE CUDDLING WITH YOU BEST FRIEND’ and you’re like WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. 

but like…i, personally, think everyone needs to go through that once or twice in life. Sooooooo, which ever THING you decide to do, do it. and do it well. I support you. Just be aware of what you’re gettin’ into. 

holler.

Kristin Says:

Move out.

Dannielle Says:

Sometimes, when I read questions like this, I feel at a complete loss for words. There is no way I can feel okay telling you to wait it out, it gets better, don’t worry so much, it’ll be fine, people you don’t know love and support you… But honestly, anonymous, at times, I feel that’s all we have. 

What you’re going through right now is tough, you’re alone, you’re scared, you feel stupid, you feel wrong, you feel like there is nothing good in the world. I get that. I can’t possibly put myself in your position right now, and neither can anyone else. 

HOWEVER, I want you to know there is ALWAYS someone to talk to. There are over 7 thousand kids on the everyoneisgay facebook page that talk to each other every day. I know the internet isn’t the best possible solution, but it’s something and it’s powerful. 30 years ago it wouldn’t be possible. 30 years ago, the only solution was to move to San Francisco, and even then you were at risk. 

I want to encourage you to not let this eat away at everything you’re living for. You’re an amazing human being and there is more to you than just being gay. One day you will be able to leave the place that makes you feel like shit, and you will be able to live where you love, do what you love, love who you love and do all the things you dreamed you would never be able to do bc you were stuck. You are stuck now, you are NOT stuck forever. I would like you to look forward to the future and use every day to build the future you want. 

I have a feeling you have no idea how important you are. You are so important. We will all get our hearts broken and we will all feel not good enough and we will all feel invisible. You are amazing and beautiful and important. Live for yourself and no one else. Work hard to be happy now and pretty soon, it won’t be work anymore. 

Also, this song, “Blue Skies,” by Noah and the Whale makes me feel better when I’m really sad. It’s a pretty sad song, but it makes me feel less alone and more hopeful. 

Kristin Says:

I want to tell you something about heartbroken and reckless, Anonymous.  They are two emotions that are all consuming and that make the insides of your body feel on fire and completely dead inside, all at the same time.  When you have no one around you who will listen to your words, or who will see you for who you really are, doing anything useful with those feelings is so, so fucking hard.  I understand those feelings, and like Dannielle said, I can never experience exactly what you are feeling…but I can tell you that I know how dark life can get, and how hopeless everything can feel.  I am so, so sorry that you are carrying those feelings with you right now.

The reason you feel disgusted with yourself is because you are surrounded by people who have made you believe that you are disgusting.  The first thing I would do is either blast the music in your room really loud when your parents aren’t home, or take a walk where no one can hear you, and scream to the top of your fucking lungs.  Scream it all out into the emptiness: Fuck you to the boys who are ignorant and cruel, fuck you to your parents for not giving you the room you need to grow, fuck you to the town that breeds close-mindedness and makes you feel so secluded.  SCREAM AND CRY AS LOUD AS YOU CAN.  You deserve that release.

The next thing I want you to do is to think about something that you could do to help shift this experience into something that might be positive for others, and positive for yourself.  Write an entry once a week on an anonymous tumblr that describes the hate you are seeing in the most detail you can muster…someone else might be able to see those words someday and feel a little less alone.  Take photos of your town the way that you see it, through the seasons, and post those as well.  Decide to discover something like the history of punk music, and fill the empty spaces with new music and documentaries and books and records…become an expert in something that makes you feel bigger than just a boy in a small town. 

If you can, use your heartbreak and recklessness to shape new knowledge and new direction.  Join forces on the internet if you can’t join forces in your community, and put your efforts toward making change - both for yourself and for everyone else who is out there being made to feel like they are less than.  

You are bigger than just a boy in a small town.  

We all need someone to help us see how fucking big we can be sometimes, so I hope this helps.

Please, keep breathing.

Dannielle Says: 

OMGGGGGGGGGGG. 

I have literally no clue what I would do. I mean, I HONESTLY, would probably ignore it and act super weird around my brother and when he was like ‘WHATS WRONG SQUIRT’ I’d be like ‘NOTHING WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU GAH!’ and then run to my room… you know? but that’s just HOW I WAS WHEN I WAS A TINY TEENAGER (which, you might not be a tiny teenager, but like, just go with it, make kristin pretend you’re 40). 

I do want to point out that he might not be gay just because he watches gay porn. That whole world is a completely different thing, Lesbian couples watch Gay Dudes, Gay couples watch Straighties, Trans couples watch Mixed Race Same Sex Three Ways, Straight BFFs watch FantasyFootballComeToLifeInALesbianOrgy…You know? It almost NEVER gives anything away about someones sexual orientation. 

ON THE OTHER HAND. I do understand your need for your Bro-ham to know you’re totally cool no matter what, so I suggest 2 things.
1. Do the KristinandDannielle slip it in method #thatswhatshesaid, where you casually mention gay things, websites, politics, friends, ideas and let him figure it out.
2. Tell him this exact story, but say it was one of your girlfriends, and it was lesbian porn, and you’re totally comfortable with her being gay, but you don’t know whether or not you should bring it up to her…this is sort of lying, but it’s also making him a lot more comfortable (as opposed to you telling him straight up) and then basically letting him tell you what to do. 

Kristin Says: 

One of my new favorite things to talk about is porn, so I am REALLY HAPPY that we get to have Porn Friday today. #pornfriday

The reason I am all jazz hands over porn is because it poses this incredible situation where fantasy and reality can have absolutely nothing to do with each other.  It’s like, if I fantasize about a girl wearing leather chaps (?!), or get totally turned on by leather chaps in porn, there is a huge chance that if my girlfriend ACTUALLY walks in wearing leather chaps I am going to burst out laughing and make her take them off because REAL LEATHER CHAPS?!?!

Now, I know that it’s more of a stretch to understand that idea when it comes to naked pictures of boys on your brother’s computer, and of COURSE there is a chance that he is looking at naked boys because he wants that in fantasy and in reality, but I just want to emphasize that what a person does in their mind is not always the same as what they do in their bed.  Okay?

That all said, I would just take some time to work some gay stuff into conversation here and there, to lay the groundwork so that he knows you are supportive and loving and wonderful.  Remember that, even if your brother is banging dudes while he is away at college, that doesn’t mean that he is a different person, and he will likely tell you when he is ready.  For now, just make it apparent that you love the gaybies, and feel free to show him a webcast of us so he understands WHY YOU LOVE GAYBIES in the first place.

Bowchickabowbow #pornfriday

Dannielle Says: 

OKAY, after reading the FOURTH question about therapy I decided we need to answer this. FOUR OF THEM. And you guys ALL want to know how to talk to your therapist. 

Let me tell you a little something. Therapy literally exists so that you can talk to someone and not feel judged, different, crazy, stupid, abnormal, weird, uncomfortable, INSERTNEGATIVEEMOTIONHERE. Therapists are there for you to tell EVERYTHING to. It’s not like you walk in one day and say ‘this is the one thing i’m upset about’ and they say ‘CUT YOUR HAIR DIFFERENT’ and then you are cured and you never go back. You go in, you talk to them, you tell them everything, you’re honest with them (maybe in ways you’re afraid to be honest with other people) and they listen to you. They assess what you’re going through, what you’ve been through and what you feel you WILL go through and they help you understand yourself a little bit more. Which, in turn, helps you live a much healthier and stable life.

If I were you, and I were depressed, and being gay was making it worse…that would be the FIRST thing I told my therapist “I’m gay, I have no one to talk to, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt and it feels wrong” That’s what you say. You say exactly what you’re feeling. 

Hiding anything from your therapist is like eating cereal with water. You know it’s SUPPOSED to be good, and like you SHOULD be getting something from it, but it’s just basically soggy…

##metaphors

Kristin Says:

I think it is impressive that you have paid this therapist of yours (who I will heretofore refer to as Dr. Therapy) for a year and they still don’t know that part of what you are struggling with is that you are gay.  Anonymous, you are one tough cookie slash stubborn muffin. (I needed something to go with cookie.)

If I were you, I would say, “Hey, it has taken me awhile to get here, but I feel like I want to share something with you that is affecting my depression.  It is hard for me to say.”  The thing about therapy is, you are PAYING DR.THERAPY TO LISTEN TO YOU…you could say that first bit and then sit and blink for ten minutes while you build up the courage, and guess what?  Dr. Therapy has to just sit there and blink back, and patiently wait for your next sentence.  That is why therapy ruuuuules!  You can say anything you want, however you want to say it, and Dr. Therapy is there to listen and to help you navigate through your struggles.

What I will say is this: You will not be able to take the steps that you need to take within your work in therapy if you are not being completely open about who you are and how you feel.  I can promise you that, even though you might feel a little off when you first tell Dr. T that you are a big ‘mo, after another few conversations everything will settle into place and you will finally, FINALLY be able to talk openly about all of the things that you are going through.

Also, feel free to open the conversation by saying, “So, I wrote into everyoneisgay.com and asked them how to come out to you, and they called me a big ‘mo and they called you Dr. T.”

Dannielle Says: 

OMG STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. 

Let me tell you a little story about myself. When I was in 7th grade I was like ‘i wanna be on that stage’ (in my imagination i’m pointing to the stage that was also in our cafeteria) and I was determined. I decided YES, YES I WOULD DO A MONOLOGUE ABOUT BEING A TOMBOY FOR OUR TALENT SHOW…I practiced, my parents helped me, i was SO ON TOP OF IT…. When I got on stage to audition Abi Nicholas held my script (in case i forgot my lines) and boy did she have a job ahead of her, bc i forgot every single line…every one… I also got kiwi on my shirt earlier in the day so it was ULTRA EMBARRASSING. 

Then I moved on, decided to audition for show choir with a piece by B*WITCHED called “To You I Belong” and failed miserably. i was too quiet and my voice cracked and i was red-faced the whole time…nonetheless, i picked myself up and tried out for almost every show in High School…I SORT OF got into ONE OF THEM, I convinced myself it was bc my teacher hated me…and THAT was super embarrassing too…bc I was going to college to be a theatre major, YOU GUYS…I JUST KEPT GOING. When I got to college I almost didn’t audition for the first show of the semester bc I was terrified, I knew I wasn’t good enough and in the back of my mind was Abi Nicholas mouthing the words “so whats wrong with bein’ a tomboy?” and I was like ‘I KNOW ABI BUT I JUST CAN’T MAKE THE WORDS COME OUT OF MY MOUTH’…but I went on…I auditioned YET AGAIN. and I got in…I was in a three woman show my Freshman year of college and everyone thought I was AWESOME… Then I was on the MAINSTAGE THE FOLLOWING SEMESTER…which was not something that all freshman could pull off *dusts off shoulders* and I ended up somehow being in 7 shows my freshman year and rounding out my college career with a resume you’d read over more than once, KNOWWHATIMEAN?!?!

My point is, we all have these bumps, these ridiculously-scarey-mind-numbingly-embarrassing bumps. They suck and you think you’ll never forget how you felt when they happened…I’m here to attest, you won’t forget that feeling…BUT ALSO, you will never feel better than they way you feel after you try again. I know that sounds lame and cheesy, but it’s true, when I think about the feeling of seeing my name on the cast list for the first time, I can still feel my heart jump. TRY AGAIN. always.

Kristin Says:

This question made Dannielle and I both tear up and punch the table and say “NO. STOP IT. STOP IT, NO!” over and over again, because we KNOW that goddammit you knew that motherfucking dance and you knew it SO WELL.  

I, too, have suitcases full of stories from high school (like my first audition where my knees LITERALLY knocked together, you could HEAR THEM KNOCKING and I ALMOST FELL DOWN).  I have piles upon piles of stories where I screwed something up that I knew perfectly just a moment before.  Our brains are little fuckers, you guys.  They looooooove nothing more than to be like, “HAHAHAHA LOOK HOW POWERFUL I AM I CAN MAKE YOU FORGET YOUR OWN NAME WHILE EVERYONE IS WATCHING.”  Bitch-ass hos.  That’s what brains are sometimes.

I want to tell you something, though, and maybe you and I can take some positive steps forward together.  This Fall, Dannielle and I are apparently going to be talking to thousands of students at dozens of schools.  Now, I know you all think, PSH, you are so good at talking, Kristin, that will be great.  THANK YOU, but also, talking in my kitchen to a computer screen when I know I can mess up and giggle at Dannielle and make her edit it so I look hilarious is WAY DIFFERENT than being on stage and having to remember what I am supposed to say and also which dance move comes next and also not to knock my knees together.  It’s scary, but, I have to do it and I want to do it and I WILL DO IT.

So, Anonymous.  You and I and Dannielle have all totally screwed up and completely humiliated ourselves and there is a chance we will do it again.  What I want is for you to be like, “Okay.  That was rough, but shit happens.  I need to try again, and I need to be strong and remember that everyone messes up, and I need to remember that Kristin is somewhere in Brooklyn also panicking that she will forget everything on stage in front of 1,200 students and pee her pants and Dannielle will laugh at her and everyone will leave and she will get fined $50 for peeing on school property, SO WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER AND WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER AND WE WILL NOT PEE ON ANYONE.”

You with me?

Dannielle Says:

Say, “you guys should def check out everyoneisgay.com, i mean I’m white and I even like it!”

Kristin Says:

Close your eyes really tight, smile and say, “everyoneisgay.com is sooooo funny,” and then when the person asks you why your eyes are closed, just say, “I am imagining having heterosexual sex.”

Dannielle Says: 

This is hard. It’s basically completely up to you. If this is a recent thing, maybe you’re not comfortable enough to just say it outright. At the same time, I don’t want you to feel like it’s something to be ashamed of, you know? 

It’s fucking awesome. You’re recovering WHICH EQUALS you’re in a really awesome mental space where you recognize something about yourself which isn’t healthy and you’re like ‘fuck that, i love me and i wanna be healthy’ …you could always go the humor route and keep it cute and be like ‘here’s whassup, i was mannorexic for a while, but i was like ‘hey if demi lovato doesn’t roll like that anymore, neither do i’ So, I don’t fuck with that, i just can’t really eat 8 pounds of pizza or I’ll poop everywhere, you know?’ and he’ll giggle and be like ‘man, i knew i loved you for a reason’ i lift you above his head VIA DirtyDancing…soooooooo…if you’re into dancing you should prolly go that route. 

If you’re not feeling comfortable enough to just blab about it in a funny way, like i would, don’t feel like you HAVE to tell him. You’re more than welcome to just get a salad and tell him you’re not really in the mood for pizza right now, but you like him and you weren’t about to say no to a date with him.

Either way, (whether you tell him or not) be confident in your decision. Know this is your body, your health, your life and your business. You don’t HAVE to tell anyone anything, but at the same time, it’s nothing to be ashamed of and one day (if not today) you’ll be more than comfortable talking about it as something that happened in your past. The pressure to be thin is fucking intense, it’s everywhere and we all experience it in one way or another. He will be understanding, be it now or in 3 months, he’ll get it.

also, congratulations and I’m proud of you :)

Kristin Says:

Well.  I wrote you a bunch of really pretty words and then the Tumblr monster jumped out from under my desk, tore them to shreds, laughed at me, and then peed all over my computer screen.*  Since I care about you, I am going to try this again…

First of all, anyone with eyeballs in their face and a brain in their skull should be able to understand the millions of ways in which life can be a battle at times, and should applaud you for taking the first steps forward in your recovery.  You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I know Dannielle already said that, BUT I ALSO WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU GUYS IN THE SANDBOX OF HOPE AND DREAMS, OKAY?

Second of all, I get why you might not want to answer this guy’s first request for a date with a diatribe about your personal struggle with an eating disorder.  It’s like, despite the fact that you are awesome and the opposite of crazy, you might just want to answer him simply and not get into the details right away.  Totally understandable.

My suggestion is to answer his pizza request by saying something like, “Oh man, I would so love to hang with you, and perhaps one day I will explain my temporary aversion to that Italian delicacy, but for now, do you think we could go see Scream 4 before it leaves the theater?!”  If he wants to know about your pizza-problem, and he asks about it, then you have a cue to explain things, but if he is like, “OMG SCREAM 4 IS THE BEST IDEA EVER KISS ME YOU FOOL,” then you can save your explanations for date two or three or whenever you are comfortable!

The most important thing to remember is that regardless of when you tell him, you should know that you are telling him about something that is a part of your experience with this (at times very difficult/at times very beautiful) life, and anyone who has lived for more than a minute should be able to understand.

*artistic interpretation of frustration

Dannielle Says: 

First of all FUCK STABILITY. AYYYYOHHH. 

Now, I’m not telling you to get three credit cards and buy a jet ski and get wasted every night and spend a gazillion dollars on strippers. What I am telling is something very near and dear to my heart… You have to follow your dreams. No matter what. 

I’m trying to get an apartment right now. For the first time in my life, I can actually afford to spend more than $500 a month on a place and I’m fucking ecstatic. However, I can’t actually get a great place bc my credit is so fucking horrible. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I literally cried on the train this morning bc I’m so tired of living somewhere I dont want to live. 

However, in order to have good credit I would have had to do a few things differently. I would have had to NOT move to Chicago, NOT dated long distance, NOT travelled, NOT taken improv, NOT moved to New York, NOT waited for a job I actually liked. I would have had to live a completely different life, and I would be sad as fuck.

It’s not worth it to me. I don’t regret anything I’ve done. I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life. It took a long time to find a job I love (everyoneisgay.com), and I don’t get paid anything to do this job and I don’t give a fuck. There are coffee shops, there are restaurants, there are part-time jobs, and there are people in the world who completely understand that you want to follow your dreams and are willing to work with you (breakoutband.com). I’ve worked so many jobs where I was only there 2 or 3 days a week bc I needed to make rent, but I wanted to do other things that took up a ton of time and didn’t pay a cent. 

I’m telling you, at the end of your life, you don’t want to say ‘i stayed in my parents basement and worked a job I hated until I was 45’…you want to say ‘i took a risk, i was poor as shit for a couple of years and now I can do whatever the fuck I want bc I worked hard and followed my heart’

fuck stability. 

Kristin Says:

Let me tell you all something.  Risking stability is absolutely terrifying and sends you on a rollercoaster of emotion that is at times incredible, and at other times…is absolutely horrifying.

In the past two months or so, I have had days where I wake up and I get an email from Dannielle that is like, “OMG LOOK AT THIS THING THAT IS AWESOME,” and then we get 403 likes on our webcast, and then I get a fan letter that is beautiful, and then I find $5 in my jeans, and then I have a glass of wine, and I’m like, “I AM GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD AND I DON’T NEED ANYTHING ELSE, ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!”  

I have had many other mornings where I am overtired from working a job that pays in addition to a job I love (see: this), and then I pick a fight with Dannielle because I feel like we are never going to make this work, and then I panic because I cannot know what my income will be next year and I am thirty, and then everything falls apart and I cry myself to sleep and wake up with puffy eyes.

From behind my puffy eyes, I am telling you…do not stay in that basement.  Go and do what you want to do and take the risk you need to take.  Make informed decisions about the things that you need to keep within that risk (a place to sleep, food to eat, and your DVD box set of My So-Called Life).  Go with the knowledge that it isn’t going to be all rainbows and sunshine out there, and you are going to have moments that will make your knees knock together in fear and helplessness.  

It is a goddamn jungle out here, but you only get one life.  Live the fuck out of it.

Dannielle Says: 

LISTEN. DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR HANDLING IT THE WAY YOU DID. The fact that there was a group of them making fun of you for not being a whore is already awkward, but like tHERE WAS A GROUP OF THEM… you know? Not saying anything was totally the right way to handle it. 

Now, go home, put ‘i believe i can fly’ via r. kelly on your itunes, stretch your arms out and scream every word, stand on one end of your bed so you can fall stomach/face first (onto your bed) and pretend you’re flying… you know? AND THEN WHEN YOU’RE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW. and girls are like ‘sup virgin’ you can be like ‘sup slut’ and they’re like ‘WHAT THE FUCK CATHY’ and you’re like ‘SORRY DALIA I THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING YELL DUMB SHIT AT ONE ANOTHER’ 

I mean, you prolly won’t do that, but you can take your own spin on it when they’re like ‘i can’t believe you’re still a virgin’ you can be like ‘yea, i guess being totally slutty and having STDs and being pregnant before i can legally buy cigarettes would be more understandable…you know?’ and they’ll probably laugh BUT if they get serious and they’re like ‘i mean, just because you have sex doesn’t mean you’re a slut, my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years’ you can be like ‘awesome, i’m really happy for you, but there’s literally not a single boy here that i want to deal with for three years…soooo’ and they’ll be like OH CATHY YOU’RE SO FUNNY. 

You don’t have to tell them you’re gay. It isn’t any of their business…Or you can. and be like ‘i’m gay soooo do you wanna bone me?’ and then they’ll squeal or something. I mean, it just depends on how much you respect them and whether or not you care about their friendships. 

Also…your “thoooooose” girls are dumb.

Kristin Says:

It’s like…what you should do is enlist the South African transfer student to infiltrate their group and then start feeding CATHY high calorie protein bars by telling her they are diet bars, and then her boyfriend will break up with her and make out with the South African and everyone will stop calling you a virgin and you will win the Math League Championship, you know? #meangirls

BUT SERIOUSLY.  I like that Dannielle told you not to beat yourself up over keeping your personal business to yourself.  I know enough seventeen year old girls who are SO AWESOME and would think that basing “coolness” on how many peenieweens you have had in your vajay is about as immature as basing “coolness” on how many Pokemon collector cards you have.  Those girls need to grow the eff up, but at the very least you can rest assured that if we were all watching a movie of your life, we’d be rolling our eyes at those idiots and you’d be our favorite character.

If you really want to get in their faces next time, I would look at them all very calmly and say, “I am not sure if you’ve ever watched any movies, but aspiring to be popular in high school, and basing that on the amount of dudes you’ve boned, is usually reserved for the characters who the audience despises, and the girl who cares about issues bigger than penises typically leads a more fulfilling life.  Not that I believe in everything the movies say…but that does have a certain ring of logic to it, don’t you think?”

The bottom line is that in 5 years you will be in the local newspaper for some wonderful thing you are doing for the planet and they will Facebook friend you and be like, “OMG YOU ARE SO AWESOME,” and you’ll be like “AND I DID IT WITHOUT ANY PENISES,” and they’ll be like, “WOWWWW.”

As a former lesbian virgin high schooler, I am telling you…that’s seriously how this shit works.