everyone is gay

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

Ay. Yi. Yi. 

Ok, first and foremost, WHILST watching ‘Two Weeks Notice’ starring Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant I heard this brilliant quote — “Nobody wins or loses when it comes to women. You just talk about your feelings until all your breath is sucked out your body.”

Now, I don’t think it applies to WOMEN as much as it applies to RELATIONSHIPS, BUT THE POINT IS… you have to talk about it. You also have to go into it understanding her point of view bc this is a fight-where-two-people-are-defensive-as-shit just WAITING to happen. She’s working 12 hours a day, she comes home, has to force herself to shower, wants to collapse and is so frustrated from work that it’s all she can think about. It fucking blows. BUT ALSO, you don’t want to come home and immediately be frustrated, then she’s yammering about work and you hope she falls asleep at the table so you can have some alone time. 

Here is what I suggest, do that talking thing I mentioned before, but decide beforehand you will be the bigger man. It’s hard to talk to someone who is overworked, tired, stressed and probably defensive. So say ‘hey girlfriend, i love you, i respect how tired and stressed you are and the last thing i want to do is make your home time add to the stress, so i feel like we should come up with some ideas so neither one of us is getting upset, maybe instead of leaving a trail of clothes, you can just put them in a pile in the corner of the room, and we’ll talk about non work stuff for at least one hour every night, and maybe we’ll go on a walk once in a while so we’re not cooped up so much?” 

Offer ideas to make it better for you both, but don’t compare yourselves. Don’t say ‘i make dinner and you dont’ or ‘i clean and you don’t’ or ‘i dont talk about work but that’s all you do’ …being in a relationship isn’t about the comparisons between the two of you, it’s about taking your strengths and weaknesses and figuring out how they fit together. 

Kristin Says:

Goddammit, Dannielle is so wise sometimes, you know!?

She basically covered everything that you should be doing to handle this situation, so rather than give you a whole new slew of advice I will just add on a couple of suggestions:

1) If you can, don’t have this talk after one of her 12-hour shifts.  Hang in there until the next weekend day comes along, and even though we all know that all you want is to enjoy your fucking weekend because your boo has been throwing her clothes on the floor all week, this is the best time to talk — you will both be in a calmer headspace and much more apt to listen.  Plus, you might even get to have ‘we-just-had-a-great-talk-and-a-beer’ sex, so like, USE THAT as a motivator to wait until down-time for the talk.

2) This is me reinforcing the most important point Dannielle made: DO NOT make this an ‘I-did, You-didn’t’ talk.  Make this an ‘I love you and I want to make our evenings together even better’ talk.  I love the one-hour of no-work talk idea, and I SUPER love the taking a walk outside idea.  Use those.  You love her, she loves you — REMEMBER THAT!

3) Baskets are your best friend.  Give your boo a basket in some part of your room/house where she can toss all of her shit when she gets home.  Easy for her, out of sight for you.  Baskets are the secret to life, you guys.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

THIS IS AWESOME. 

The best way is to just tell her exactly what you told us. I mean I would probably walk up to her and be like, ‘hey do you mind if i steal you for a sec, i just wanted to tell you something’ and yea it’ll prolly be weird, but once you apologize for being a butthole, she’ll be so excited. 

I would literally be BESIDE myself if someone apologized for being a dickbag in high school, i’d be like ‘eeeeeeee’ you know? and it doesn’t matter how you say it or what you say, it’s the gesture and the thought that means the most. You’ll probably stumble over your words and feel like it’s super awkward, but it’s never too late to apologize NEVER TOO LATE. 

You are the best, this is the best, and i hope more than anything there are more people like you out there. <3

Kristin Says:

Boom shaka laka shaka laka shaka BOOM!

Sorry, I was just really happy about this situation.  This is a fucking brilliant position to be in, because it means that you are a human being and you are always changing and growing and learning new things about who you are and who you were and why things may have happened the way they did and how you can remedy the things you are not proud of…

So before I tell you what to say (which is basically anything that you have in your heart), I want to say to ALL of you: we make mistakes.  We live in a world that is really confusing and overwhelming, and we don’t always know the best way forward.  Try to keep forgiveness in your heart for others, and always know that if you do something you aren’t proud of…all you have to do is apologize and work to better understand yourself so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.  Okay?  Okay.

To you, anonymous: If I were in your shoes (which are probably totally stylish), I would pull this girl aside and say something like, “Hey, I am not sure if you even care to hear me say this, but I have to because it is important to me.  I was a total d-bag to you in high school, and I am so fucking sorry.  I was confused and angry about my own sexuality at the time, and now that I have grown up a bit I understand more about myself, I have the clarity of mind to realize that I made you feel like shit to try and make myself feel better.  I am sorry, and I don’t expect you to just forgive me and call it a day - but I at least wanted you to know that I would take it all back if I could, and that I agree with you now about Cynthia Greery being the hottest bitch in our homeroom.”

Good luck!!!

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

The thing about parents is…for the most part, deep down, they just want you to be happy. A lot of the yelling/being strict/telling you you’re wrong/not letting you do shit comes from being absolutely terrified that something will happen to you. It all comes down to this: 

Your dad fucking loves you so much. If he were around to have the conversation with you later, like he asked, it would be hard at first, but the two of you would find a way to work it out. He wants your happiness… above all else, your father wants you to be happy, healthy, and to find a genuine and perfect love. You should absolutely keep dating your girlfriend.

You should also try to find the peace of mind you need to continue to date ladies without feeling bad. Don’t put yourself in a position where you’re trying not to think about your dad because you it hurts. Think about him, talk to him, talk about him, remember him. It’s going to be a process, and you’ll go through it with you father whether or not he’s physically here. Keep in mind what I said about him wanting you happy. He would be so disappointed if you avoided the things in life you truly want on account of him.

Kristin Says:

Before anything else, I am so fucking sorry that you lost your father.  

About ten years ago, I almost lost my mother - also, very suddenly - and to this day I have never known a feeling so absolutely terrifying, piercing, and complex.  I can’t say that I know what it is to have lost a parent, because somehow my mother pulled through after spending months in intensive care and I have her back with me today…but I do know that when these things happen suddenly, we are never the same.

What I can tell you is that, after coming so near to death, my mother’s perspective on the importance of love and happiness and family are entirely different than they were before.  Sure, she still struggles with certain aspects of who I am, but there is a clarity that comes to us when we are that close to death - and I have to believe it is a clarity that occurs after death as well.  I believe very much that if your dad could talk to you, he would tell you that he wanted nothing more than for you to find your own happiness.

Dannielle said something brilliant up there about how your relationship with your father is going to continue to evolve, despite the fact that he is no longer with you in person.  I agree wholeheartedly, and I also know that if he were here today, you would probably be disagreeing with each other, growing apart and growing together, and eventually coming to a place where you could both exist as who you truly are.

Be with your girlfriend, make sure you keep breathing, allow yourself to feel that loss and confusion, and know that you finding peace for yourself will also allow you to find peace with your dad.

Ask everyoneisgay a question

Dannielle Says:

I don’t know how to prepare for a hurricane, but i have some raisins, half a bottle of water and the crumbs from a bag of tostitos…so i’ll be fine.

Kristin Says:

Bring it on, Irene.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

I think it’s fine. BUT LIKE I’M NOT A DOCTOR, and I also thought god invented gay people to deal with the over-population problem when i was a teen, so like…AM I REALLY THE PERSON YOU WANT TO GET ADVICE FROM!?!?!

I’m a huge advocate of adoption. I think it’s the most powerful and inspiring gift you can give another human being. That being said, I totally get you wanting a baby that is truly, bloodily yours. (sick)

I don’t know the circumstances, are you gonna get his sperm in you? are you gonna mix his sperm with your egg and stick it in her? are you gonna mix his sperm and your egg and put it in another lady? are you gonna slice your egg in half and her egg in half and then sew them back together and put his sperm on it? bc i think there would be a lot of issues with that last one. also, i think eggs are really tiny and that would be hard to do, but listen, it is your life, and you and your lay-day should do whatever you want (as long as your doctor can get behind it) and worry about raising a beautiful baby together and loving it with every piece of you. bc thats what important. 

Kristin Says:

This could literally be the best OR the worst idea ever, and that is entirely dependent on both of your relationships with your boo’s bro. #boosbro

One of my dearest friends has a tiny (ADORABLE) baby with her wife, and they used a known-donor (a good friend of both of theirs) to act as the sperm half of the equation.  Choosing him as the baby-daddy was an incredibly important decision; they put a lot of time into ‘interviewing’ different people, and if they felt off or uncomfortable or hesitant, that made it a no-go.  You cannot make the only deciding factor the sharing of your DNA, but it can be one of the things that helps you decide.

You have to have a conversation with your fiance and decide the things that are important to you both.  Do you want the baby-daddy to be involved in your baby’s life on a daily basis? For holidays and special occasions only? Not at all?  Where does boobro live and what kind of involvement do you think he would be comfortable with?

You have a lot of options, and that is a totally viable one!!  You can also, if you are thinking of having more than one baby, use the same sperm donor and each carry one of the little guys so that both of you get to use one of your eggs…you can adopt a baby and love the shit out of it because it is YOUR BABY THAT YOU ARE RAISING HOLY POOP!…you can decide that you would rather not know the daddy-donor at all and consider a sperm-bank… It all comes down to what makes both of you most comfortable.

Having seen my friends go through the process from beginning to end I can tell you a few things to get you started: Communicate with your boo, don’t rush into a decision, GET A LAWYER if you are using a known donor (even if it is boobro), and rest assured that, regardless of the DNA inside that baby…your eyes are going to melt right out of your face with how much love you have together as a family.

Ask everyoneisgay a question

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle & Kristin Say:

Nope. 

Also,

…just for good measure.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

I can’t. 

But honestly I can’t explain to you the mentality of being gay. I just AM. I just FEEL a certain way. I also can’t explain the mentality of not liking milk. IT’S JUST GROSS. 

I realize all those things AREN’T THE SAME, but it’s really difficult to explain the way you feel. There is a HUGE CHANCE that when people ask you why you are ‘the way you are,’ you will feel defensive, as if they’re ACCUSING you, instead of asking you. Which might have been your ISH, you know? 

Maybe asking if you can ask will help your question be heard in a less accusatory way. THAT SOUNDS SILLY I KNOW, but if you were just like ‘hey, do you mind if I ask you some questions about being trans, I’ve just always kind of wondered about it,’ you might both ease in a little better. 

AND REALLY, even if you ask the way you asked BEFORE, not everyone in the trans community will respond the same way. It works that way with PRETTY MUCH EVERY SITUATION.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE. People have this misconception that every girlwholikesgirls that wears a dress and earrings considers herself to be “femme.” I WILL PAY SOMEONE FIVE DOLLARS TO ASK KRISTIN WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE FEMME, she will probably step on your face. HOWEVER, I know plenty of girls who take the term “femme” to be a compliment, and LOVE being “femme” and LOVE talking about and answering questions about being “femme.” 

I really hate the word “femme.” 

Kristin Says:

Yesterday Dannielle sent me a text that was like, “Yo, you hate the word femme right,’ and I was like, “I don’t really like it, yeah,” and she was like, “Cool, so like, you would be pissed if someone asked you about being femme,” and I was like, “Well, I would explain the issue I had with the word, I guess,” and then she wrote that I would step on your faces. HAHAHAHA. 

I won’t step on your faces.  The word is just annoying and pointless to me, and I will tell you all about that some other time.

FOR NOW LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU EXACTLY WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE TRANS.

Except, obviously, I totally cannot explain to you what it feels like to be trans, because a) I am not trans, and b) I don’t think there is one, definitive experience of being trans (or of being anything, really). 

Here is what I can tell you:

1) Try to forgive that one person who told you that your questions were prejudiced.  You asking questions so that you can try to understand something is totally okay, and I encourage you all to ask as many questions as possible, because we should all be able to dialogue about the things that confuse us.  On the flip side, try to understand that the person that you asked may have had some really shitty experiences with others who questioned what ‘trans’ was, and why ‘trans’ is, you know?  We can’t all be perfect, patient and level all the time, and sometimes it just becomes too heavy to hold.

2) Try to focus your understanding on a complexity of experience, as opposed to searching for one, universal truth.  My experience of being a lesbian is wayyyyyyy different from a lot of other people’s experience of being a lesbian, and that holds true for someone who is transgender as well.  Some people are born as girls and identify as boys.  They are boys and they are walking about with girl parts that feel absolutely ridiculous and separate from their experience of themselves.  Some people are born as boys and experience their gender as, literally, transitive.  They do not identify as male, and they do not identify as female.  The space inbetween or outside of those two genders is what makes sense to them.  Those are two tiny examples in a sea of experience. 

Rather than open your mind to how it feels to be transgender, try to open your mind to the fact that you will never, ever be able to experience anyone else’s understanding of themselves completely, but that it is just as real and true as your own.

Ask everyoneisgay a question

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

Yup. It’s also totally normal to feel scared, lost and under pressure. 

Going into college is a HUGE step. Now, I know there are all these different circumstances. Like, maybe college is right down the street from home and you still live with your parents and it’s no different OR MAYBE YOU MOVED 3000 MILES ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND ONLY SEE YOUR PARENTS AND FRIENDS ONCE A YEAR….and then there’s all the in between. SO I CAN’T GET TOO SPECIFIC BC I DON’T KNOW YOUR SITCH. 

Here’s what I do know. You’re starting off in an environment you know nothing about. High school doesn’t ACTUALLY prepare us for college and college doesn’t ACTUALLY prepare us for the real world. Yes, they are tiny steps in the right direction, but no, you cannot possibly be prepared for college before you get there. Academically, sure, you’re fine. BUT SOCIALLY it’s a fucking whirlwind. 

Even when I had friends I felt really lonely sometimes, you guys. Growing up is really terrifying and just because you’re on a campus with other people who are doing it, doesn’t mean it’ll be any easier. I do think colleges make a really valiant effort to make newbies feel welcome, there are all those silly dorm ice cream nights, and cafeteria waffles at midnight and cultural events (LIKE FOR EXAMPLE EVERYONEISGAY.COM VISITING YOUR SCHOOL)…don’t be afraid to venture out and do those things. They seem silly, but they’re fun, and WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO TURN DOWN WAFFLES AT MIDNIGHT?!

Kristin Says:

If ever there was a good definition of ‘normal,’ feeling lonely as hell in a new and unfamiliar environment is spot on.  Routines, usually, keep most of us feeling balanced and a little further away from the terrifying abyss of life, you know? 

It’s like…when I know to set my alarm for 9am and I know I have to go to the gym at 9:30am and I always see the same golden retriever dog named Ted walking down 27th Street on my way home, etcetera, everything feels familiar and I feel calm.  When things change, though (like, if I suddenly have to pack up my belongings for a month and go to a bunch of different college campuses to talk to students and I have NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE), things get really, really unstable in my brain and I am suddenly aware of my life in a different way and feeling uncertain and, often times, lonely.

You are in a brand new environment, regardless of how far it is from home, and that is scary and unfamiliar.  It will take time for you to feel settled.

First: Take a deep breath. 

Second: Be patient for at least a few weeks with the ebbs and flows of adjusting to your new environment and getting a new routine.

Third: Involve yourself in a few activities, and then call your friends from high school and tell them how soggy those midnight waffles tasted. 

Fourth: Remember that, while you are sitting under your college covers in your dorm room wondering what this all means, there are thousands of people doing the same thing…and all of you will figure out a different answer.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—-

Dannielle Says:

wait… can you fall asleep to porn?

Is that like a possible thing? Aren’t people having loud sex in those things?!

Anyway, you can either ignore it, or confront it. According to MOST 80s movies, moms basically always walk in on boys SMAKINGTHEPOUCH, you know? It happens, I think usually the kid is mortified for a couple of days and then everything smooths over. 

BUT ALSO, IF YOU WANT TO COME OUT TO HER THIS WOULD BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY to be like ‘heeyyy mommm, i’m really sorry about what happened earlier…alsoooo i’m gayyyy…sooooo, we could talk about that?’

IF I WERE YOU I WOULD PROBABLY JUST IGNORE IT… IS THAT BAD ADVICE?

KRISTIN FIX IT. 

Kristin Says:

I will fix it, nobody panic.

First of all, I, like Dannielle, imagined you falling asleep while loud porn music was blaring from your TV, and thought that was kind of hilarious - but THEN I realized that you probably fell asleep with an issue of Playboy next to your head, and that is what Mom-town stumbled upon.

WHICH LEADS ME TO TELL YOU THAT I AM OBSESSED AND IN LOVE WITH HUGH HEFNER.

However, that is not applicable advice, so let me move forward. 

I think the biggest thing to understand in this situation is that your mom hates this just as much as you do.  No one wants to have a conversation with their parent or child about anyone looking at naked pictures of people…but also everyone knows that there a bunch of us who like naked people and also like orgasms, soooo.

I think the thing to do here is to walk down into the kitchen and be like, “Heyyyy mom.  So, that really embarrassing thing happened the other day, and I want you to know that I am not typically found cuddling with the latest porn magazine and that I am sorry that wasn’t a teddy bear and that I am not seven years old still, but I want to put this past us…and I figure now is a good time to at least let you know that I like girls.  So, let’s talk about that and never, ever mention the word ‘porn’ ever again. Truce?”

Then, if your mom is like, “Sally Sue (I’ve decided that is your name), I am not sure how I feel about any of this but I do know that pornography is not okay,” tell her that Kristin wants her to at least watch the documentary, ‘Hugh Hefner: Rebel, Playboy, Activist,’ before leveling her final judgement on pornography.

#obsessedwithhughhefner

***

Dannielle Says:

not. at. all.

I had absolutely no confidence until I was about to graduate college. Then I gained a little bit, not necessarily b/c I thought I was the best, just because I was happy and I felt good about what I was doing. My confidence doesn’t stem from a place of ‘i’m really cool’ it stems from ‘i’m doing the right things’

I’m happiest when I feel the best and I feel the best when I’m doing what I know I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve gained more confidence from doing EveryoneIsGay than I have from anything else in my life.

I think the ‘fake it til you feel it’ way of life is important. Just pretend you’re super confident, tell yourself ‘i rule, i’m the best, i’m really cool and these shoes look awesome on me’ all the time and eventually you’ll be like ‘I RULE I AM THE BEST I AM REALLY COOL AND THESE SHOES LOOK AWESOME ON ME’ … It’s hard, I think we are all our own worst critic and no matter what anyone tells you, you still critique the hell out of yourself.

But lets face it. There is only one you out there. ONE. Just you. and YOU have to be the best YOU…this is made a million times easier when you realize, you already are the best you. You’re the fucking best you and no one can possible be a better you b/c no one else will ever be you. youyouyouyouyou.

Kristin Says:

I love the way Dannielle described her confidence, because I feel exactly the same.  When I am immersed in doing something that I love, and something that makes me feel productive and inspired, I am my most confident self. 

Figuring out what inspires you is the first step in feeling better about yourself, and gaining more confidence.  The next step is understanding that no one is always confident and happy about who they are, and allowing yourself to be patient with the shy, less-than-confident parts of yourself.

You all only see Dannielle and I in the moments that we choose to show you, and I think a lot of you believe that we are always laughing, seeing the bright side of life, and making jokes about Jersey Shore and Cocoa Puffs.  That is not true.  That is not even close to true.  I stumble deep down into big pits of insecurity all the time, and I struggle to forgive myself in those moments as well.  Yes, it has gotten a bit clearer and a little easier as I have gotten older, but the weakest parts of myself are still parts of myself, you know? 

Don’t make the goal to “stop being shy.”  Make the goal to accept that you are shy in certain moments, and to find the things that drive you forward, inspire you, and help you to accept all of the parts of yourself…even the ones that might not be all shiny and happy.

**Question originally answered on December 20, 2010**

***

Dannielle Says:

MIIIIIIIIIITSAWHEEEEEENYAAAAAABABABEEETSIEMAHBAAAA
STOOOOOOOONWEEEENYAAAMAAAA

For those of you who ‘don’t get me’ that was the beginning of ‘circle of life’ from THE LION KING. I think it might be the one song in the world that everyone has heard. DO YOU GET WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS.

First of all, just because you have tiny crushes on girls sometimes doesn’t mean you have to come out and tell everyone you’re a giant homo. Second of all, it is completely possible to like both sexes. Third of all, hiiiiiiiii.

If you and I were to sit down and have a conversation and I were to ask you ‘what is it that really makes you connect with a person, what qualities attract you to another human being,’ I can almost guarantee you won’t be like ‘THE FIRST THING I LOOK FOR IN THE PERSON I’M DATING IS A PENIS’ …bc that would be ridiculous. We are attracted to people, their personalities, their character and the way they carry themselves.

You’re going to spend your life being attracted to all kinds of people. PEOPLE being the key word. You don’t have to label yourself and you don’t have to come out the second you figure it out. Just live. You’ll never figure anything out if you’re obsessing over what it all means.

Make out with boys until you wanna make out with a girl, then make out with her. You could make out with 4 girls before you realize you just don’t like it and you only wanna make out with boys. Then you’d be hitting up everyoneisgay.com to be like ‘I JUST CAME OUT AS BI AND THEN I REALIZED I DONT LIKE GIRLS NOW WHAT’ and we’d be like ‘calllllm down’ you know?

You don’t have to label yourself and you don’t have to come out, but you do have to be happy…so go with that.

Kristin Says:

AHWEEMOWETAHWEEMOWETAHWEEMOWETAH
WEEMOWETAHWEEMOWETAHWEEMOWET
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeohohohoooooooooooohhhhwumbumbooway

I don’t really know why, but in my mind the chorus of “In the Jungle” (is that a chorus?), comes right after the opening of “Circle of Life,” so…you’re welcome.

Anyway. I have something to tell you: YOU ARE REAL.

Tadaaaaa.

You guys.  We are the only animal in the whole kingdom of animals #circleoflife that give a SHIT about who we bone.  You had better believe that if a tiger is out in the jungle #themightyjungle and he is like, “Damn, that bird was tasty, but I sure could use a good tigerbone,” and then his tiger pal comes over and is like, “Duuuuuude, I just had the best dinner but I need to HUMP SOMETHING,” that they are not going to care who is a girl or who is a boy.  They are just going to bone.  If you don’t believe me, go to your local dog park and check out the humping happening over there.  Those guys will straight up hump a pile of leaves.

You have crushes on girls.  You have crushes on boys.  You are real, and your crushes are real, and you can call it whatever you like and tell whoever you like.  If they tell you that bisexuality is just a transition to being a gaywad, tell them that Kristin is about to get her Master’s in Gender Studies and would love to talk to them/punch them in the nose.  If they say that you are not really bisexual, you just want to be “cool,” or you are just “slutty,” tell them that Kristin is now boarding a bus to their city and will make them sit through a lecture on why they are an idiot.

Don’t let idiots make you doubt yourself.  You are a real person, and every feeling that you feel in your bones and your skin and your heart and your brain is legitimate and, if given the courage and the chance, will roar the loudest and mightiest roars of awesomeness. #lionkingwednesday

**Question originally answered on April 13, 2011**

***

Dannielle Says:

Prolly b/c you’re not used to it and people look at you funny and society doesn’t believe in love.

No, but srsly.

We were all raised KNOWING that straight was right and gay was wrong…I mean, it’s totally not and as you grow up and get comfy in your own skin and fall in love over and over, things settle down. 

I was embarrassed for a VERY LONG TIME. I never told anyone. It took me 4 months to fess up at a job. And that’s what sucks… i felt like i was FESSING UP. Is fess up a real thing? Is that how you spell it? Where am i?

The point is, getting comfortable being a total gaywad takes time, but it’ll happen. You’ll get to a point where you realize no one REALLY cares. You’ll take a deep breath and practice a speech for a long time and finally “ADMIT” to someone “I’M GAY” and stand proud and they’ll be like ‘…ok…do you want a cheese stick or not?’ and you’ll be all ‘wait? you don’t care?’ and they’ll be like ‘i only care if it’s in the way of this cheese stick discussion, which, right now it is, so i’m actually mad at you’ and you’ll both laugh and you’ll yell ‘YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND’ and then things might get a little awkward…but you’ll get over it.

You’re the best. Being gay doesn’t define you. Remember that.

Kristin Says:

First of all, I would like to stand with you, proudly, as a member of the community who cannot spell ‘embarrassed’ correctly.  It takes me three tries every time I type it, and so I want to make sure you do not feel judged.  Whoever invented that word is the worst.

Second of all, I agree with some of what Dannielle has said above, but not all of it.  I do agree with the why.  Most, if not all of us, have gone through a period of time where we feel ashamed about our sexuality.  This is because we do not have the ability to see ourselves in most of the world around us; magazines, television shows, songs on the radio, you name it…popular culture is almost entirely comprised of heterosexual pairs.  Boys singing about girls, ladies sleeping with mansies, divorces, break-ups, affairs, nearly all of it orbits around a boy/girl dichotomy.  Heterosexuality is almost always assumed.  That forces those of us who are not heterosexual to have to clarify who we are, or correct the standard assumption.  It isn’t fair or right or fun —- but unfortunately that where we are at the moment.

Sure, you will find that some of your ‘coming out’ conversations go exactly like cheese-stick example give above.  Some, however, won’t go so swimmingly…and you may be made to feel even more embarrassed about who you are.  This is what I need you to remember, though: heterosexuality is not the ‘norm.’  We live in a world that pushes things down our throats and then asks us to spit them back up looking just the same.  This website alone is testament to the fact that none of us are as simple as boy-meets-girl.

Be strong in who you are, and remind yourself at every turn that your strength will bring people into your life who appreciate you.  The more you work at understanding that we are all infinitely more complex than the world sometimes allows us to be, the less embarrassed you will feel.

**Question originally answered on December 3, 2010**