everyone is gay

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I have a few things to say about this topic. I think we gaywads need to stop saying things like ‘heteronormative’ …bc like 1. you sound like an asshole. and 2. you’re literally reinforcing this thing you say you can’t stand. If you don’t think that it should be ‘the norm’ take a few steps forward by NOT SAYING IT IS. whew. 

Second of all, hate stems from fear. From the little things to the giant things, hate always stems from fear. You hate your ex bc she hurt you and you’re afraid it will happen again. You hate racism because we are all people and you’re afraid if everyone doesn’t understand that, then your friends will lose their rights or maybe even get hurt. SOME PEOPLE hate gays because they don’t get it and like “why would someone choose to sin,” they’re afraid it’s contagious and if it’s not stopped, everyone will be gay and no one will go to heaven. Hatin’ is Fearin’ and it might not make sense or be the right way of thinking, but there’s your answer. 

THIRD OF ALL, society does not ‘unilaterally despise same-sex’ ANYTHING. That is an incredibly ignorant statement. Now, I’m sure that you’re just in a tizzy because something happened and you’re feeling real bummed about how hateful some people can be, but dude, you have GOT to give credit where credit is due. Our society has made major strides in the past few decades and we should continue to use our efforts to move that change train forward. If we send around self-loathing and talk about how everyone hates us, that is literally all you will ever feel. You guys, there is so much strength in your words, use those words to inspire and create something amazing. Vote. Vote. Vote. Talk about the shit that bothers you and tell the people who are doing amazing things, that they are doing amazing things. No need to talk about haters bc haters gonna hate and they can talk amongst themselves. The more people making positive change, the more likely we are to change the world positively… get it?

Kristin Says:

You know, us humans are some pretty complicated and messed up creatures - I can tell you that for damn sure. There are two big reasons that I can think of in terms of why homophobia exists. One is the fact that, as humans, many of us seem convinced that we must apply a value system that was created centuries ago to a world that is now entirely different. Marriage in its original conception was created for the exchange of commerce in livestock and women. You literally traded your daughters for more property and extra cows… 

Now, I’m not sure of the exact evolution of marriage as it relates to love and such, but I do know that ‘love = marriage’ most certainly is a newer concept. We could talk about patriarchy and shit for like a half a year right about now, but let’s SKIP THAT and just get to the part where NOW, here we are telling people what the bible says about marriage when the bible wasn’t even talking about the same thing you guys.

The second thing, I think, has to do with gender norms and the way our society communicates those (both overtly and subtly) through every and any media outlet available. For a lot of people, the fact that they have been taught what is ‘correct’ and ‘normal’ since birth means that anything that doesn’t align with those norms must be WRONG BAD OH MY GOD TOTALLY THREATENING AHHHHHH… You know? So, there’s the fear part Dannielle was talking about.

The bottom line is that we always have to be conscious of what we are fighting for and how we are fighting for it. The argument for gay marriage is great when it is humans asking for equal rights, but it gets tricky when we start to say, “Hey we  are just like you, so can we also have rights now?” We should all have equal rights regardless of who or what we are like - regardless of whether or not we orbit around monogamy or family values.

The important thing is to remember that this isn’t just about HOMOphobia, y’all. This is about all of us as humans telling other people that they are wrong and we are right. Many of us - even the big gaywads - do this to other individuals and groups constantly. Be aware.

PS: A bunch of what I said up there, in my opinion, is what the word “heteronormative” means, so… if you are using that in the academic world to communicate four pages of thought in one word, you have my blessing. If, however, you are telling your mom to stop being so heteronormative, you might want to reconsider the context. Unless she is a gender studies professor. You know?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Well, lucky for a lot of people a whore is defined as;
1. A woman who exchanges sexual acts for money 
OR
2. A man who exchanges sexual acts for money

So, if you identify anywhere in between ‘man’ and ‘woman’ you can exchange sexual acts for money AND LIVE A LABELESS LIFE.

I feel like you would know if your job consisted of bonin’ for ballin’ ya know? omg.. i wanted to say “bonin’ for ballin’” so bad you guys… Seriously though, I imagine the people who are saying this to you are doing so WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE of making you feel like shit… which is a reflection on them and not you. 

Do not let idiots like these make you feel like you are any less of a person. If you feel comfortable and confident with your decisions, if you’re living up to your own moral code, if you’re happy, if you’re doing the things that make you feel awesome… you are doing all the right things. Dummies will be Dummies yall, sometimes you just gotta ignore the fools. 

Kristin Says: 

Who we partner with for sexitimes is entirely OUR business and prerogative. Also, who TF decided to spell “prerogative” like that… it’s ridiculous.

Now, if you are going around and sleeping with other people’s sexitime partners, then you might be pissing some people off. If the people who are calling you a whore are calling you a whore because you helped their boo be a cheater with your boobies, that doesn’t make it right (and you still aren’t a WHORE) but also… I’d be pretty pissed off at you as well.

If, however, humans are calling you a whore because you happen to like bonin’ and you’ve boned a couple more people than the average bear, then I say keep your chin up and keep doing what makes you happy. Haters gonna hate, and the person you answer to at the end of the day is yourself.

Some of us like to romance and be in long term relationships and have trouble boning a lot of people because it doesn’t make us feel great unless we are totally in love, and others of us like the way our bodies feel when they mash against some other bodies regardless of love-type feelings. Some of us like one million other different types of things, and none of ‘em are right or wrong unless someone is getting hurt or you are hurting yourself in the process.

If you feel good, that’s what matters. You aren’t a whore.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

If I were you, I’d get out now because I know myself too well and I know I would just end up getting hurt. BUT I AM NOT YOU AND YOU COULD PROLLY BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ME. I don’t know, you guys. We are all so different and it’s so especial when it comes to these questions… I really didn’t want to say ‘especially’ but then i couldn’t figure out how to say the sentence…so i made up a new word…especial. AHEM. 

If you are totally okay with this, then be okay with it and go on your merry way making out and doing whatever you want. If there comes a time when she’s making out with someone else and it makes you want to die on the inside, you’ll realize you don’t want to do it and you will cry a lot. You also might get into a situation where she doesn’t want a relaysh now and 8 months in she’s like ‘HOLY SHIT I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!’

Our feelings and emotions all change all the time and no one ever really knows what they want.  We just have to be honest with our own heads and hearts and try to make the decisions that are best for us. I wish I could give you a straight answer BUT EVERYONE IS GAY.. omg just kidding you guys. I do wish I could just tell you what to do, but this is one of those moments in life you have to figure out on your own. 

Kristin Says:

What you should do: Walk away with the wonderful makeout sessions you have gathered before your heart gets too entangled. It will only go downhill from where you are at, because once the heart gets involved, the fun makeouts lose some (most) of their fun.

What you will do: Continue to make out with her because making out is SO MUCH FUN AND YOU CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT #puns, start to love the way she reads in bed and pushes her hair behind her ears, and probably get your heart broken.

What you will do after that: Have a hurt heart, listen to Jenny Owen Youngs’ “Fuck Was I” on repeat, and realize that we’ve all been there and all done that and go after someone who wants the same things as you do next time, because you are big enough to learn from your mistakes after a whole bunch of make out sessions.

We cool? Cool.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I think he’d be a nicely dressed black boy with glasses. He would live pretty simply. I imagine he’d have six shirts and three pairs of pants. One pair of comfy shoes and one pair of dress shoes. He’d have a real clean apartment and would live by himself, but have people over all the time. 

He would probably wonder why we are all so mean to each other. He would want to know why we take the time to say awful things to each other on twitter / facebook / tumblr and he wouldn’t understand why we were all in such a hurry all the time. I don’t think he’d be that good at twitter. I don’t think he’d go out to eat all the time. I don’t think he’d get angry very easily. I don’t think he’d hate anyone. 

I think it would be really easy to make him laugh. I think he’d fall in love relatively quickly. I think he’d treat everyone he met as if they were old friends. I think he’d give great hugs and think he would smile all the time. 

Kristin Says:

I think God would be genderqueer just like Jesus. #facts

I think God would wear flowy clothing made of linen, and then just when you thought you knew what was up, would arrive to your house wearing skinny jeans and a leather jacket and a Miles Davis t-shirt.

I’m pretty sure God would be HILARIOUS, and would be really excited to go see Rob Delaney at the Music Hall of Williamsburg with me this Saturday.

I’m also certain God would be on a magic carpet straight to North Carolina right now and would be like OH YEAH FOOLS?! {then shoot off a lightning bolt of power that doesn’t harm anyone but opens people’s eyes to ridiculous discriminatory acts}

If here today, y’all, God would fuck. shit. up. and say something like, “You all need to think using those brains I gave to you and stop pretending you know everything. Also, be kind to each other! Also, everyoneisgay.com for life. Boom.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Virginity is so weird bc like… it’s mostly a religious thing and I think in a lot of cases it just means an unmarried girl… which is weird bc like boys can be virgins and also what about girls who do it and are unmarried? like… what’s that about? Also, the word in general has changed over time bc basically if you have sexi you’re not a virg, regarless of what kind of sexi you have…. but then what about mouth sexi and hand sexi, does that count? YOU GUYS WHO KNOWS. 

I think that knowing what it means and how it pertains to other people is not as important as having respect for the people with differing beliefs. Like, if you have a friend who’s a complete gaywad and is like ‘oh yea, i’m totally not a virgin i’m a gay girl who puts her body parts on other gay girls classifying me as a not virgin’ (i realize this is an awkward sentence and like WHO WOULD SAY THAT) … REGARDLESS, what they say is what they believe and what they believe is not wrong because it is their belief and it is specific to them… ya know?

Society is weird and it tells us that there are certain ways to do and say things and we just sit back and let it happen. I think that’s fine, it’s totally fine for all of us to want to be on the same page about what stuff means, but it’s also awesome if you can step back and say ‘ya know what, this is what it means to most people in society but to my friend it means something different and i respect the shit outta that’ right? 

Kristin Says:

Amen to the above words by Senorita Owens-Reid. I used to be of the opinion that you lost your virginity when you felt like you lost your virginity… because I can tell you that I did a bunch of things with ladies but there was a SPECIFIC TIME when I was like, well, that was that and I am no longer a virgin… However, now I just think it’s silly that we all use that word as though it really holds any meaning whatsoever. WHY DO WE HAVE A WORD TO DESCRIBE WHEN A PEOPLE’S BODY PARTS ARE MUSHED TOGETHER?! 

It’s like, if you were to ask me the color of my shirt, I could tell you it’s grey. No hesitation. If you ask me what the meaning of the word virgin is… it would take me a thesis paper to unpack all the history, confusion and mixed messages. So. First step is, let’s just quit it with that silly word and do our sexi times with our sexi partners and have fun and be done with it all.

Second part. You having questions like the above does not make you close-minded. Asking questions, and saying, “Hey, I have this belief and it conflicts with your belief, so can you explain to me more about your belief so I can work this all out?” is a fucking INCREDIBLE thing, so you just need to keep on doin’ what your doin’. If anyone gives you flack for asking questions, that is their issue. I promise you that if you were to ask me questions I would answer them and thank you for asking them in the first place. Now… if after I gave you my answer you looked at me like this:

I would be pissed.

So. Keep asking questions, and allow others their space to exist without telling them their beliefs are wrong. You’re doing great.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Welp, this is awkward…

If I were you, I would honestly not be able to deal with it. When Kristin leaves a granola bar wrapper in my car I have a meltdown… and yall… Kristin is NOT DIRTY AT ALL, she just thinks granola bar wrappers are biodegradable and great decoration.

I would prolly break it to her in a cute way, like during a cuddle fest be like ‘your armpits are smelly’ and when she’s like ‘uhhh’ just be like ‘wanna shower together so i can put my face in your armpit?’ and then she’ll be like ‘TEEHEEHEE’ and then buy her a groupon-half-off-maid-cleaning-service for her birthday.

Dude, I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t. I had a girlfriend once who went out of town for 4 days and left dirty dishes in her sink. I got to her apartment and almost vomited. Then I cleaned them because I couldn’t deal with it. I JUST COULDN’T. But what are you gonna do, ya know? Some people just don’t have the same house and body awareness as we do. And like, maybe you’re meant to be together. You clean up after her and buy her some body spray and she cooks dinner and buys you presents. Relationships work for all kinda reasons.

Kristin Says:

Listen. I am sure that there are lots of people out there who don’t mind messes and who don’t mind body smells, because like WE ARE ALL PEOPLE AND DEODORANT GIVES YOU CANCER OR WHATEVER, but this bitch (points to self) needs cleanliness in her life.

If I were you, I’d talk to her immediately. It doesn’t have to be something overly insulting, but you can walk into her house and be like, “Allright, listen, you and me and this house are going to have a date night where we clean the shit out of shit and make it sparkle in here, because cleanliness is next to godliness and godliness is the damn funniest word I’ve ever seen and also Kristin from Everyone Is Gay says Jesus is genderqueer.”

Pick a night, arm yourselves with cleaning products, and have a party. Then (WAIT FOR IT) TAKE A SHOWER TOGETHER WHERE YOU SURPRISE HER WITH NEW BODY THINGS THAT SMELL DELICIOUS.

Two out of two everyone is gay advice columnists agree: shower with your boo and go out of your way to compliment her on her nice smelling ways. If she doesn’t clean her act up, I’d sit her down and have a serious conversation because if you keep thinking she stinks, that relationship is headed for dumpsville.

Also, I don’t leave my granola wrappers places on purpose, I just FORGET SOMETIMES.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I think being very self aware is the best way to do this…does that make sense? I think if you know exactly why you’re angry and why you’re annoyed and what things in your life are making you feel irritated. There was totally a point in my life where I felt super negative and people got on my nerves. I realized a huge part of that was because I was unhappy in my relationship and I didn’t feel fulfilled with my job. So, I changed that…and MY LIFE GOT SO MUCH BETTER YOU GUYS. 

I read somewhere once that when people annoy us, it rarely has to do with who they are and what they’re doing and more-so has to do with shit inside of you that you have yet to overcome. So, if you find those things, find the root of those annoyances, figure out why those things annoy you so hard and understand that it’s you and not other people… you’ll be less annoyed. ALSO, if you don’t immediately react to things, take a minute and think ‘why am i mad, does this situation deserve this much energy’… chances are it doesn’t.

Most things in life, you guys, are not worth the energy it takes to be angry and upset. You can literally close your eyes, take three deep breaths, remind yourself that life is too short to be pissed off all the time, and force a smile on your face. You absolutely have the ability to change your own mood, if you want to…and you seem like you want to, so LET’S DO THIS.

Kristin Says: 

I agree, so much of why we want to ball up our fists and slam them into tiny ceramic figurines (???) is because of the fact that we are not completely aware of something that is going on inside of us. It could be related to the way your sister used to talk to you when you were a kid, or it could be that you need to change something in your current life. I also, however, think that communication is REALLY important when you find yourself constantly becoming angry and frustrated and annoyed.

Por ejemplo: Your mom tells you that she wanted you to vaccuum your room, and your immediate response is, “FFFFFFFFFFFUuuuuuuuuuuuucCCkKKKKKKKKinnNNNG SHUT UP.” Right? Right. Now, I don’t necessarily think that you can simply squelch that anger down and force a smile on your face in that moment (you may be able to, but I am not very good at such endeavors). I do think that you can work on this in one of two ways. 1) If you couldn’t help it and you actually told your mom to shut up (cringe), then you need to force yourself IMMEDIATELY to keep talking about why you just flipped out. Follow that with, “I’m sorry that I just flipped out, I am just so angry because I have 47 things to do and this is the least important to me and I am just so tired.” Or whatever. 2) If you managed to avoid screaming something rude, just start with the explanation of why you are feeling so angry.

Anger needs to get OUT, you guys… and not by smashing figurines (???). You have to talk about why you feel the way you feel - because, just like Dannielle said, as you figure out the real reasons behind that annoyance and anger, you will see it start to slip away.

Lastly, in case you happen to be one of those humans who eats cheetos for breakfast and sleeps three hours a night, that is also part of the problem. 

Dannielle Says: 

Last night was the first time in my life I legit thought I was about to be murdered. You guys, I can’t explain to you the room that Kristin, Sloan and I almost had to sleep in…but I can tell you this..

After we decided to leave the murder room, we were putting stuff in the car and heading to what we hoped would be safety and not an alternate universe where we were still in the murder room… but anyway, we were putting stuff in the car, I was loading the trunk and Kristin and Sloan were waiting on me to unlock the doors and i hear two tiny faint screams and then FROM ABOVE MY SELF A LEG THE SIZE OF A TREE TRUCK DESENDS UPON ME AND I SCREAM IN A WAY I HAVE NEVER LET MY FACE MOUTH SOUND. I literally, in my mind, i can’t you guys, this leg was attached to a demon that was going to slice my head off. I almost pooped my pants. Then after my terror I look up and it’s just a boy running and he was like ‘UH, SORRY’ and i stood frozen for at least 12 seconds before i screamed ‘OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.’

Kristin Says:

YOU GUYS. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THERE IS THE MOST HAUNTED ROOM IN ALL THE WORLD LOCATED IN OSWEGO, NY. LET. IT. BE. FUCKING. KNOWN.

We walked in the room and the first thing we saw was a lamp SLASH demon-summoner and an oaken-type wardrobe thing SLASH where you keep dead bodies. Then we walked more into the room and saw A GIANT MIRROR THAT MOST CERTAINLY HAD THE ABILITY TO SUCK YOUR WHOLE SELF INSIDE OF IT WITH ITS TERROR. 

Then Dannielle went to pee and came screaming out of the bathroom, saying, “OH MY GOD THE SHOWER CURTAIN SOMEONE PLEASE CHECK BEHIND IT BC THERE IS A MURDERER BEHIND IT IM SURE!” So I tried to push the curtain back but couldn’t because I knew it would end in my bloody death… 

Then a few other things happened which mostly involved all of us screaming and me gasping for breath and us running to the car (WHERE WE WERE ALMOST KILLED BY A DEMON DEMENTOR FLOATY THING THAT TURNED OUT TO JUST BE A BOY) and getting a hotel in Syracuse.

Lastly, here is a blurry picture of Sloan and I screaming on the bed by the mirror. Be careful, because I am certain that at any moment all of our souls can be sucked right into that picture slash mirror:

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

no? yes? I dunno, I’m not friends with the genderqueer police. 

Here’s what I think about identity…I don’t get it… I don’t understand the need for a label, I don’t understand the need for a gender and a sexuality and how those things correlate, I don’t understand why we all constantly fight about the ‘right way’ to be a certain identity. I just don’t get it. I think, the way you identify is the way you identify, regardless of the way you look or act or smell or poop. You are who you are because that is who you are… right?

The fact of the matter is, every word associated with identity has about 4 million different definitions. I know that we perceive certain identities a certain way, but when it comes down to it, nothing is black and white and however you identify is correct. What matters most is how you feel. If you feel comfortable and confident in who you are, who cares what you call it, ya know? If anyone questions you tell them to come and talk to me… *makes mean face*

Kristin Says:

Dude. No. NO YOU DON’T HAVE TO CUT YOUR HAIR TO BE GENDERQUEER.

I’m sorry for yelling. It’s not meant to scold you it’s just that… well, it’s just that I wish that it was made clearer to all of you out there that identity is something that is personal to who we are and how we feel, and not affected by the way we present or what other people perceive of us.

Now, sure, I make jokes about my proclivity for cats and converse in relation to the word “lesbian” and that I date ladies… but I am also fully aware that the word “lesbian” doesn’t quite sum me up, and that if I wore different shoes and didn’t like animals, I could still like ladies just as much.

Genderqueer means different things to different people, but ultimately what we are talking about is the fact that the labels of GIRL and BOY don’t make sense to you or how you feel in this world. Which makes sense to me because GIRL and BOY are, in many ways, just made-up labels themselves. The length of your hair ain’t got nuthin’ to do with it.

Plus, Jesus had long hair and was totally gender-queer.

(Leviticus 14)

(Totally Kidding)

(Everyone Calm Down)

(Happy Friday)

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

OMGGGGG. This is literally the most embarrassing thing on the planet earth and probably other planets also. 

I would LOVE to tell you to just talk to your dad, but I know for a fact that if I were in your shoes, I would be scared to death to do that. I would honestly probably just ignore it forever. I mean… knowing my relationship with my pops now, now that I’m older and more MATURE AND A GROWN UP *dusts off shoulder* I think I would be like ‘soooo this is awkward’ and my dad would be like ‘daughter, ya know, yah beezniss is yah beezniss’ and then we’d eventually talk about how he doesn’t understand the internet and he thought he was in his email the whole time… 

This might not be how it’ll go down with your dad, but I give you permission to pretend it never happened. The number of teenage boys who’s parents have walked in on them in the throws of passion with their own body parts is OVERWHELMING, and I can almost guarantee they never talk about it ever again bc MY GOD THAT’S AWKWARD. I realize this is a little different, your father disrespected you privacy, he knows your gay, he saw your girlf nakey. HOWEVER, I think you being gay is a totally separate thing and you should tackle that subject however you’d tackle it HAD HE NOT checked your email. Don’t leave your shit signed in anymore, change your passwords, move on with your life and talk to your dad about being gay because he’s your dad and you love him, not because he snooped. 

Kristin Says:

MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY.

Just kidding… but holy jesus, yeah, that is the worst thing. Here’s the flip side to the embarrassing part, though: in a few months, neither of you will have this horrible thing fresh in your brains anymore, and you’ll be able to argue about regular daughter-dad things like your curfew and which college you want to go to and who is going to do the dishes. I promise. The first item needs TIME.

The second issue here, that your pops disrespected your privacy, is a different story and needs attention. If you feel like you can’t talk to your dad face to face (especially in light of the recent naked-pix-trauma), then I suggest writing a letter. It is important that you let him know three things 1) That you are a grown person who needs privacy, 2) That you know sometimes it is hard to talk about these things, but he should always ask you questions and talk to you instead of snooping, and 3) That you are gay and you’d like to talk to him about how he feels about that, and how you feel about that, etc. Tell him he can write you back if it is easier, or just talk to you when he’s ready, and that there is no pressure for it to be RIGHT NOW.

At the end of the letter, draw a cartoon naked boobs along the lines of:

Love, Daughter

PS: ( . )( . )

…hahahahah you guys just kidding. Also, though, maybe it could be funny and break the ice? Maybe? No?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

It took me a long time to figure out exactly what forgiveness meant. I always thought that forgiving someone meant what they did was okay, but that’s not true at all. Forgiveness is much more about feeling confident within your own self. So you’re saying “what you did no longer has complete control over the way I live my life” … if that makes sense?

Right now you’re probably in the headspace where you can’t stop thinking about what happened, you can’t stop obsessing over what was done to you, you can’t stop and see her for who she is because you only see her as the person who hurt you. These are all totally valid feelings. HOWEVER, you will get to the place where you are no longer obsessed with being wronged, and that is when you will have forgiven her. 

Forgiving her also does NOT mean you will continue to have a relationship with her. Trust is a huge part of any relationship and if you feel like trusting her isn’t something you can do right now, address that feeling and don’t try to force it. Do what you need to do to be happy and constantly feeling on edge because you can’t trust someone that you love, is not making you happy… consider ALL OF THOSE THINGS and make your own decision, don’t let her make the decision for you, ya know?

Kristin Says:

For me, forgiving has always been about understanding. I am a person who is constantly trying to see the good in other people, and when I am wronged by someone I work as hard as I can to reach a place where I understand why they have done the things they have done.

A few important things to note: You do not have to accept the actions of the other person in order to forgive them, and you can still view those actions as things that are upsetting or wrong.

Por ejemplo: About ten or so years ago, my mom got really, really sick. So sick that we were pretty sure she was going to die (note: she didn’t, thankfully, she is still alive and begging for grandchildren). I immediately went home to be with my family, and I asked my best friend at the time if he would please come up to be with me. He said no. He said it was too much for him to handle, and that he would be too overwhelmed with his own emotions. 

In my opinion, that was exceptionally hurtful. I have never, ever felt okay with the fact that he was unable to push past his own fear to be with me in what was my most terrifying and gut-wrenching life moment. Now, in the years that followed, we grew farther and farther apart, and we are no longer friends BUT I have also forgiven him. I worked very hard to accept the fact that he was unable to support me because of his own issues, that our relationship was not a healthy one, and that it didn’t make him a bad person… it was simply that his own life experience had left him in a very unstable place.

You will forgive her when you can get to a place where your hurt does not consume you. You will forgive her when you realize that your life is still happening, that it will still contain happiness and laughter and trust and love.  Allow yourself time, work to understand, and remember that sometimes forgiveness means letting go of the expectation that things can go back to “the way they were.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

If I had a dollar for every time I was convinced I liked someone just because they liked me… WE’D ALL BE RICH. If I had another dollar for every time I thought I liked someone just because I wanted to make-out with their facemouths WE’D ALL BE EVEN RICHER. And if I had a dollar for every time I legit liked someone with my emotions and feelings… we’d all be eating ramen (the 12cent kind).

It’s hard to tell. It’s hard as FLEECE (I’m trying not to cuss). But here’s what is great: All of those things have the ability to turn into all of those other things. Someone likes you, and you’re like ‘OH I CAN HANDLE THIS’ and you let them like you, you hang out more, you start to care about them, you guys make out, your emotions get involved and it turns into SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS.

So here’s what I think, T-Mult, I think you should just follow whatever feeling you have regardless of whether or not you understand it! You wanna mash your face on someone. DO IT. Figure out the rest later. WE ARE YOUNG HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE WE STAND NO PROMISES NO BIG LANNND LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD (you guys, i need to learn lyrics)

Kristin Says:

Liiiiissteennnnn. First of all, it is absolutely possible to like someone because of who they are, because of their sweet-bod, and because they like you back. As a matter of fact, that’s pretty much why anyone likes anyone else… I think you need all three factors to enter into lovetown in the first place.

Now, you definitely should be putting on some brakes if you think that the only reasons you like this person are because they are giving you attention and because you like to touch their boob-things (unless they also just want to touch your boob-things and that’s all). I think the best way to figure out your feelings to assess the situation when they are not around, thereby eliminating the good feelings that come from boob-things and from being liked.

Imagine going to the zoo with them and seeing lots of baby animals and talking about life while you buy ice cream sandwiches in the gift shop. Is that something that seems really fun? What would happen if you got stuck in an elevator for three hours BUT COULDN’T DO SEXITIME AT ALL? Would you like their company? You have to separate out those feelings as much as you can to see what’s what…

However. When we are falling in love with someone, we pretty much can’t see anything that is in front of our face, and everything is the most confusing. Chances are if you are totally confused and can’t stop thinking about this other human, you should just continue forward because it means you are SMITTEN IN ALL OF THE WAYS. If, however, you go home at night and are like, “Well, that was a fun boob-touchin’-time but like, meh,” then you probably aren’t in a place where you want to move forward into relationship-town, and you should be honest about your intentions.

Tadaaaaaaa.