-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

You guys, remember in JUNO when she got pregnant? It’s like THAT COULD NEVER BE ME… and it’s soooo depressing. I mean, no, it’s not depressing bc like, if I got accidentally pregnant right now my life would be totally different and I would cry all the time bc I would be pregnant and wanting to drink pickle juice while crammed in a car and touring high schools…so like… it would be bad timing, BUT YOU GET MY POINT. 

The thing about being unable to have chitlins with two uteri or two peni or a uteri and peni that aren’t able to make babies is that sometimes it can take upwards of five years to get approved for adoption, or it can cost upwards of 50k to get a surrogate. It’s expensive and you wait forever and it can be so draining and terrible and I am already dreading the day BUT ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS:

because if some part of you doesn’t squeeze and squish and melt and make a noise that stays in your throat…you and i have nothing in common… 

I think that most of us hit a stage in our lives where we just wanna smash our cheeks on a baby cheek. I also know wtf you’re feeling when you say you’re getting discouraged and sad bc it will be such an ongoing intensive experience and that is SO HARD to actually wrap your head around. 

It will take time and it will be worth it. All you can do now is know your dad is COMPLETELY WRONG IN HIS CLOSE-MINDED WAY OF THINKING, and there are so many of us who feel exactly what you feel.

Kristin Says:

Well. Here’s the thing. It absolutely does NOT have to be that hard to have a baby. Dannielle gave some examples that can be true, but are also some of the extremes of the situation.

I have friends who tried for six months to have a baby through the way of the sperm bank, and they were so discouraged and giving up hope because nothing was working… and then an incredible friend of theirs stepped forward and said he wanted them to try with him as the donor. They literally flew out to where this boy lived, used a plastic syringe to move the sperm from a cup to my friend (#sick) and got pregnant. THE FIRST TIME. WITH NO DOCTORS AND JUST A SYRINGE AND SOME GROSS SPERM.

No offense, sperm.

I also just learned about a place here in Manhattan called Spence-Chapin that does adoptions on a sliding scale based on income, and where they work with the women who are pregnant to make sure they are taken care of (an important and often overlooked part of the adoption process), and where the wait for a baby is typically between 6 months and 2 years.

So, let me tell you that, while I understand it being an overwhelming feeling, when you are ready for a baby to be a part of your life, you can make that an absolute reality. It may not be as easy as boning your loved one in your bedroom, sure, but it certainly doesn’t have to be a drawn-out, never-ending battle.

As far as your dad is concerned, I am going to stop short of calling him ignorant (although that is an incredibly frustrating concept that many people have AND I CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND), and tell you to ask him if that means he doesn’t think you will be a good parent. Ask him why he feels this way, and try to talk to him about the way you see things, and the reasons you know you will be a good parent to a child. It may take him some time, it may never be something he agrees with, but you should at least begin in a place where you are trying to help him understand that any baby would be the luckiest pipsqueak on Earth to have to loving parents. Then show him this picture of Romeo, who has two moms and is the happiest, cutest little shit I’ve ever known: