“My girlfriend is a blanket, pillow and stuffed duck stealer! I was up in the middle of the night freezing my butt off, and she’s buried in this little nest of fluffy things. Plus, when I try to snuggle up, she freaks out and says that I’m ice cold! Any advice on how to fix this?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
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Dannielle Says:
1. Wake her up everytime she steals something and tell her she’s stealing.
2. Put your cold feet on her warm back when she’s asleep.
3. Write her a really long a dramatic letter about how it’s not going to work between you two because she’s so selfish and possessive and you want to be able to sleep with other people, and then sign the letter ‘blanket’
4. Get your own blanket and make her roll you up in it like a burrito.
5. Start sobbing really loud every time steals something soft.
6. Make her sleep on the couch.
7. Write her a poem with the phrase “no kisses for the missus if my blanket gets the disses”
8. Get a trundle bed.
Kristin Says:
1. Get another stuffed duck (approx. $12)
2. Get another blanket (approx. $25)
3. Get three more pillows (approx. $18)
4. Put a jar on the nightstand that says: THIEVERY DUES
5. Tell her she owes the jar $55.00 in dues for the additional sleeping materials, and that she will be charged $5.95 for each item she steals, per night.
6. Use the funds gathered to, first, pay yourself back plus interest, and second, go on a romantic vacation.
