-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

OMG this is literally the worst.

Can I be totally honest and tell you that trying to be strong is almost worthless in this scenario? I remember being in college and seeing the first girl I ever had strong feelings for holding hands with her new girlfriend and it basically made me want to die inside every single time I saw them. I pretended to be strong and we hung out in the same group of friends and I just felt like an idiot constantly. I felt like there was something wrong with me because why was this girl better than me? I felt like everyone was looking at me like I was a fool. I felt like it would never be easy and I felt completely stupid for letting myself get so wrapped up in someone who clearly must’ve had no feelings for me.

It was the worst and it didn’t get better until it got much worse. I spent a what seemed to be forever feeling like a moron and tried everything in my power to be okay with it. It wasn’t until LITERALLY A YEAR LATER that I finally felt okay, and it was 100% because I started dating someone who finally made me feel awesome. I didn’t even care that my ex was still with this girl because I had totally moved on. I pushed through the year of extreme heartache and physical pain NOT BECAUSE I FELT STRONG, but simply because I knew I had to…it was hard, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do…but I did it, and I know you can too.

Life has this funny way of being the absolute worst. No one ever said life was supposed to be easy, HOWEVER, it does get awesome, wonderful and incredibly fulfilling once you’ve made it through something you never thought you’d be able to overcome. Push through because that’s all you can do, and when you feel like hiding from your ex, hide. When you feeling like ducking into a bathroom and crying, duck into a bathroom and cry. When you feel like not going to a friend event because you KNOW they will be there, don’t go. Feel all of your feelings and deal with them, if you try to push them away it will just hurt for much much longer.

Kristin Says:

The kind of hurt that you are going through is the kind of hurt that reminds us that we are human beings. It’s the kind of hurt where, no matter what logic you work out in your head, your heart says, “HAHAHAHAHA YOUR BRAIN IS A DICK, TAKE THIS!” and then slams us in the gut with a 2 x 4. It’s the kind of hurt that music was made to accompany.

At the very least, know that so, so many of us understand that hurt and that, despite all of your feelings to the contrary, will subside with time.
Dannielle is correct, you have to feel the hurt. Many of us process that kind of pain differently - some go out and have a meaningless bone-town party to drown their sorrows, some hole up in their room and tear up all of their memories bit by bit, some triple their workload in an effort not to think or feel the hurt. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself, regardless of your method of coping, to feel those feelings and to understand that feeling them doesn’t make you weak, stupid or less-than.

Try to write some words about how much you hate both of them, how you feel when you see them, all the ways in which he meant everything to you and all the ways in which you wish that you never knew him. Next, figure out what ways you like to express yourself. Do you love to play sports? Listen to music? Create art? Whatever the thing is for you, take that pain and apply it there —- if nothing else, when we are all crumpled in agony we have the ability to channel it into some pretty serious shit.

Apart from those things, you need time. Take it day by day. Forgive yourself for hurting, take a deep breath, step forward, run away, and do it all over again until the day when you forget about the running away part and you realize you’ve moved on.