-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Welp, this is awkward…

If I were you, I would honestly not be able to deal with it. When Kristin leaves a granola bar wrapper in my car I have a meltdown… and yall… Kristin is NOT DIRTY AT ALL, she just thinks granola bar wrappers are biodegradable and great decoration.

I would prolly break it to her in a cute way, like during a cuddle fest be like ‘your armpits are smelly’ and when she’s like ‘uhhh’ just be like ‘wanna shower together so i can put my face in your armpit?’ and then she’ll be like ‘TEEHEEHEE’ and then buy her a groupon-half-off-maid-cleaning-service for her birthday.

Dude, I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t. I had a girlfriend once who went out of town for 4 days and left dirty dishes in her sink. I got to her apartment and almost vomited. Then I cleaned them because I couldn’t deal with it. I JUST COULDN’T. But what are you gonna do, ya know? Some people just don’t have the same house and body awareness as we do. And like, maybe you’re meant to be together. You clean up after her and buy her some body spray and she cooks dinner and buys you presents. Relationships work for all kinda reasons.

Kristin Says:

Listen. I am sure that there are lots of people out there who don’t mind messes and who don’t mind body smells, because like WE ARE ALL PEOPLE AND DEODORANT GIVES YOU CANCER OR WHATEVER, but this bitch (points to self) needs cleanliness in her life.

If I were you, I’d talk to her immediately. It doesn’t have to be something overly insulting, but you can walk into her house and be like, “Allright, listen, you and me and this house are going to have a date night where we clean the shit out of shit and make it sparkle in here, because cleanliness is next to godliness and godliness is the damn funniest word I’ve ever seen and also Kristin from Everyone Is Gay says Jesus is genderqueer.”

Pick a night, arm yourselves with cleaning products, and have a party. Then (WAIT FOR IT) TAKE A SHOWER TOGETHER WHERE YOU SURPRISE HER WITH NEW BODY THINGS THAT SMELL DELICIOUS.

Two out of two everyone is gay advice columnists agree: shower with your boo and go out of your way to compliment her on her nice smelling ways. If she doesn’t clean her act up, I’d sit her down and have a serious conversation because if you keep thinking she stinks, that relationship is headed for dumpsville.

Also, I don’t leave my granola wrappers places on purpose, I just FORGET SOMETIMES.