-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Be honest, don’t drag it out, be kind and give her space. 

I know you will probably want to try and be friends because she’ll say that’s what she wants.. but you guys… no one wants that immediately out of the gates. You both need to take time after the break up to ACTUALLY DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS. Don’t hang around each other and have awkward moments where you both look at each other like you’re about to kiss and then you have to say ‘i should probably go’ … let the L Word handle all that okay? 

I think not dragging it out is the most important, tell her now, don’t lead her on. We all, as human beings, deserve to know the feelings of the person we love. If you’re not feeling it just tell her. It hurts so much more when you find out your person has felt like the relationship was over LONG BEFORE she told you. It makes your heart turn into nacho cheese and fall out of your butt. 

Be nice to her. It’s going to hurt. 

Kristin Says:

You can also go into it knowing that after it hurts, it creates strength and knowledge that we all need in order to grow as people. Now, if you look at her and say, “this will make you a stronger and smarter person someday,” she will, justifiably, throw a piano at your head. So, what I am saying is - understand for yourself that despite hurting her now, you being honest, truthful, firm and respectful is the absolute best thing that you can do for both of you.

Tell her that you love her, but that you know that your relationship is not going to work because of reasons that cannot be changed. DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE, “I’m mostly sure that we can’t make this work,” or “I can’t imagine my life without you,” or “Maybe we can still get dinner on Thursdays.” You being wishy washy equals her hearing that you are only partly breaking up with her - and that is going to hurt her more, and for a much longer time.

I have had my fair share of long-term breakups, and while I still did manage through them, I am of the opinion that, when you know something is not working, you have to rip it off like a bandaid. She will listen to music and cry, she will cook dinner and cry, she will talk to her friends and cry, she will think that the world is over - because, truthfully, that is how a broken heart feels - she will get angry and do things that she is embarrassed about, and she will eventually start to heal.

Remember that the love you had isn’t undone by your actions now, and if anything, your love is strengthened by being real, and by taking care of her through your honesty. It will hurt you too, just as much and in different ways.

Breathe, speak, breathe, walk away, keep breathing.