“I’m a guy, and I have been in a relationship with a girl for two years, knowing she was bisexual and had a past of female relationships. But recently she told me that “if it weren’t for me, she would be gay.” I am confused about how to respond to this and whether or not I should be concerned? I now feel like her feelings for me are holding her back from being her true self. What should I do?”

Dannielle Says: 

I imagine you feel the exact same way I feel when a lady friend says “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be gay.” To which I respond -_____-

Here’s what you need to remind yourself. She’s with you, and she’s with you because she wants to be with you. If there was a girl she wanted to date, she prolly would NOT be falling asleep in your arms every night. You know? If anything, you should be so proud that she doesn’t find ANY OTHER BOY ON EARTH attractive. To her, you are THE ONLY BOY WHO IS THE CUTEST. Soooo, basically you’re the best. You know?

If it really bothers you, I suggest a tiny conversation. I’ve totally done this before where I just say “Hey, I sort of halfway understand what you’re saying, but are you not as attracted to me as you are to girls?” and then she’ll be like “OMG THAT’S NOT AT ALL WHAT I MEAN, I JUST MEAN THAT YOU’RE THE BEST OF ALL THE BOYS” or something, you know? Sexuality is so weird, that’s why I ignore it most days. It’s just easier to realize that we fall in love with PEOPLE based on their PEOPLENESS and we are attraced to PEOPLE based on their PEOPLENESS and then we find PEOPLES who’s PEOPLENESS is our favorite and we stick with ‘em… that’s all it is… PeopleNess.

Kristin Says: 

Awhile back Dannielle also invented the word “peepsexual” for when you fall in love with… people. So, she’s really onto something here. #PeopleNess2012

I completely understand why that comment might make you feel a little shaky - but I do agree with the fact that, even if you are the only boy who she would ever consider dating, she is dating you and is attracted to you. I know not one, but TWO boy/girl couples who have been married for years and love each other to literal bits - and the ladies in those relationships had previously only ever dated other ladies.

At the end of the day, penises and vaginas really don’t make the majority of our relationship decisions… and although I am sure your penis is totally awesome, I think it’s more the combination of all of your parts and thoughts and such that attracts her and keeps her loving you.

The bottom line at Everyone Is Gay is always, always: talk to her. Let her know you feel a little shaky so she can elaborate on what those words meant, and what you mean to her in a larger context. If you are happy with her and she is happy with you, and you both trust each other and have an open communication, that is what matters most.

Filed under advice bisexual relationship lesbian lady friend conversation sexuality everyone is gay love

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  5. runicweaver reblogged this from everyoneisgay and added:
    Peopleness. x3
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  9. kludge reblogged this from everyoneisgay and added:
    THIS! ALL OF THIS: “Sexuality is so weird, that’s why I ignore it most days. It’s just easier to realize that we fall in...
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  12. little-sound said: I said something similar to my fiance. What I meant by it was that yes, he’s the best of the males ever, and while I’m technically pansexual, if anything ever went bad in our relationship I would not date a male again. He’s my man, and my only man.

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