-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Yes and no. I’m friends with most of my exes, it didn’t happen over night, but it happened eventually. I’m also not friends with one of my exes bc the ‘we just broke up and now i’m the meanest human’ thing got to me too much and I gave up. It’s all about how you treat one another after it’s over. My vote? Space.

SPACE YOU GUYS SPACE. Stop talking to each other for a while, and when I say a while, I mean like… a year. It’s the constant talking and the trying too hard to be friends that ends up fucking with you. Regardless of how much you want those things to work out immediately, they never do and one or both of you end up with conflicted feelings. Even if she’s the one who needs the space, be the bigger person and say it’s you that needs it, you know? There’s nothing wrong with saying “Hey FACEHEAD, I really want to work to get to a place where we can be friends, but I can’t do it right now and I don’t want to force it, so I need some time.” Boom, done. Don’t speak for a while, Stop obsessing over her facebook and making rude comments about the girl she’s making out with. 

Breakup drama will happen because you’re both hurting, but if you put a stop to it now, it doesn’t have to affect the rest of your emotional well-being. Some shit just doesn’t last forever, you both have to realize that ON YOUR OWN, you can’t realize that together while crying and yelling at one another during an L Word marathon. 

Kristin Says:

I second the simple answers of: No, you cannot avoid some form of breakup drama and YES, it is absolutely possible to be friends with someone after you’ve had a relationship.

I also think, though, that the way you go about this and the ease at which you will be able to attain this depends a lot on the kind of person you are. I am a communicator. To a fault, perhaps, but I must tell people how I feel, when I feel it, regardless of the circumstances. I was never the one to take the space after a breakup - because even though I knew I needed to heal, it didn’t feel natural to me to go from being in love to completely isolating myself from that person. I generally lean toward a happy medium.

If you are also a communicator, and you need to communicate with your ex in order to move forward, HERE ARE SOME SIMPLE RULES:

1. No sleepovers.
2. No sex. 
3. No showing up at the party you know your ex will be at only because you can’t control your actions and need to see what your ex is doing and who your ex is doing it with. 
4. No drunk dialing.
5. No passive aggressive messages or comments. 
6. No SEX, you guys. 

The biggest rule here is that you have to let go in one form or another, and that might be gradually over time (if you are like me) or more suddenly (if you are like a lot of other people). Once you are both able to let go of the past, you will absolutely be able to be friends.