-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

put a pillow on her face

OR

just breathe heavier so its KIND OF LIKE you’re making noises but you’re really not

OR

be really fake dramatic with loud noises like in that meg ryan movie where she eats the sandwich.

Kristin Says:

Listen. Sometimes when you decide to make a noise that you think will sound fake, it actually winds up being totally real. SO. Try a couple of noises, and if you wind up accidentally barking like a dog you and your girlfriend can LAUGH FOREVER together, and you can explain that you are trying out some new things and your brain’s wires got crossed and thought you were a cockerspaniel instead of totally turned on.

ALSO. You don’t have to make noise for your girlfriend to know you are enjoying yourself. You can absolutely tell her some pertinent details of things you loved after the fact, and she will learn the tiny things that your body does when you are havin a good time, HAVIN A GOOD TIME. #sexsongs

Also. You could sing that song from the Little Mermaid where she is talking about wanting to be where the people are… and then when your girlfriend is like, “What are you doing?” you can be like, “This is my dramatic interpretation of how much I like doing things with you.” If she’s a good girlfriend she will harmonize.