-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Did you put “me” in quotes because you’re not real? CYBORG ALERT.

It’s not just you, TRUST ME and it doesn’t have to be how you are for the rest of your life. This feeling SLASH situation manifests itself differently in all of us. I had a friend in college who could give a rats ass about the people she dated, but when it came to friends she was EFFING SERIOUS. She got attached to friendships the same way you get attached to relationships, and of course, being that it was college and everyone was so all over the place, she got hurt A LOT. 

We all have to get hurt, we just have to. It’s a part of the human condition. Did i sound super smart right then? Seriously though, we have to make it through the toughest parts of our life so that we can enjoy the best parts, so that we can understand what makes us feel awful and shoot for the things that make us feel awesome. Try to create a small divide when meeting new people, if you don’t jump right in and you, instead, force yourself to slow down, it will help with the healing process if things end up not working out. Getting attached to people is not a bad thing, loving too much is not awful, putting other before yourself is not the worst thing in the world… BUT it helps when you remember that you are important and you deserve to be happy, if these people are hurting you, it is not because you’ve done something wrong or you’re not good enough, it’s because the two of you weren’t supposed to work out. When it IS supposed to work out, it totally will. 

Kristin Says:

You are talking to a person who gets attached to people all the time, and TOTALLY FEELS YOUR PAIN.

First of all, you loving other people with more ease than the average bear is NOT WRONG. It is not something that you should CORRECT. It is a brilliant, beautiful thing, and there are a ton of people out there who wish it were easier for them to open their hearts to others. Opening your heart to other human beings will be one of the things that makes your relationships (in all areas) incredible and strong.

Second of all, the brilliance that you will find in relationships because of that ability to love comes along with a counterpart: getting hurt more easily than the average bear. The reason that a lot of humans can’t open up as easily as you do is because they are afraid of that vulnerability and that hurt. It is a scary thing because it truly does make your whole brain and heart space twist and turn in awful ways.

Third of all, it most certainly is not “just you.” You are probably a more vocal person when it comes to how you feel, and just because you aren’t hearing the same set of emotions from another person, doesn’t mean that they are void of feeling. It means that their feelings take a different shape.

Remember that you don’t have to express every emotion that comes to your heart, but that you are not wrong for needing to communicate those feelings with others. Remember that your feelings are valid, and that just because you become more vulnerable than others, you aren’t wrong or dumb or dramatic. Your feelings are your feelings and that is what makes you you… and that you in the person that other people will adore. 

You feeling hurt is not you being dumb. You feeling hurt will help you grow - you’ll collect some callouses along the way, sure… but if you are anything like me you will still, years later, have that giant heart that loves to love, and that will become the thing that people value most about you.