-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

Do you remember that part in GREASE where someone told someone else that they would never be able to find love until they loved their own self? … you guys… that wasn’t GREASE but i know it was a musical and I don’t know which one… MEAN GIRLS? Who knows. the point is. YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE ANYONE ELSE CAN LOVE YOU AND BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE. 

I think listening to Adele and crying is a great place to start. You have to let yourself feel your feelings and you have to recognize that having those feelings is okay. Once you realize that your feelings are valid and totally okay and you are not out of your mind, you will automatically feel 50x better. After you’ve learned to believe that feeling sad bc you don’t feel comfortable with yourself is AN OKAY THING, start to move forward. Don’t focus on getting a guys attention and getting to bone city, usa. Focus on doing things you love and realizing why you love yourself. 

Once you’re doing a million things you love to do (this can be simple shit like doodling, playing an instrument, writing, watching the office, laughing with friends, drinking coffee, cooking, whatever) you will grow confidence because you will literally just love the life you’re living. Once you love yourself and you love your life, people are drawn to you, everyone wants in on that shit, I PROMISE. You are already awesome, you just have to realize that. If you are confident, happy and having a blast people will just want to be around you and they will fall in love with who you are bc you are awesome and YOU KNOW that you are awesome. 

Kristin Says:

I also think that talking to someone could really, really help.

I went to therapy for several years, and have to tell you: you would be amazed by the things that you can find out about yourself just by having someone to hear you, and to help walk you through some of the items that are bringing you so very far down on yourself. Having the ability to clear a portion of each week where you simply think about the moments that have made your stomach knot up, and talk about why that knot happened, and what you might be able to do in the future to better understand that knot can help you slowly take steps in a direction where you understand yourself, and begin to believe that you - just like everyone - are good enough to be loved by another person.

Also, talking to someone can be expensive HOWEVER, there are places in some areas that have student rates, sliding scales, or are completely free. If you cannot or do not want to go the route of talking to someone else, then talk to yourself. Write in a journal. Make yourself set aside an hour each week where you sit down and think/talk/write about those moments that are bringing you down. You can definitely listen to Adele on repeat during that hour, if it so pleases you…

ALSO. Hooking up with people does not, generally speaking, CREATE confidence. And, when it does, it is a confidence that is dependent on the interest of another person - which can be very, very fragile. You want the kind of confidence that comes from a place that you will always have access to… which is, like Dannielle said, inside of yourself.

Let yourself feel those feelings of bitterness, but don’t let the experience stop there. When you feel that bitterness, take a deep breath. Ask yourself why you feel that way. Write it down. Slowly, steadily, unravel that bitterness and find out where it begins. Slowly, steadily, allow yourself to believe that someone - many people in fact - can love you for who you are, and for who you will grow to become.

The steps you take may be so small at first that you don’t even realize they are happening. Keep faith and keep working. You’re worth it.