-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Everyone needs me time and your boyf needs to respect that shit. 

I’m for real. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic thing, but have the conversation again where you’re like ‘i seriously love you so much, i just wanna sit in my room and sing along to wicked and toot when my stomach tells me and eat cereal in bed even though i know that’s gross’ and when you’re boyf is like ‘are you sure it isn’t because you don’t like me anymore?!’ You say ‘me wanting 12 hours of alone time does NOT mean i don’t love you more than anything on earth… i honest to katniss just want to sit on my couch in my underwear, watch 13 going on 30 and pick my nose… that’s all, it literally has nothing to do with you!’ 

Because that’s wherein lies the confusion. WE ALWAYS THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH US, YOU GUYS, ALWAYS. It totally doesn’t tho. Needing alone time is 85% about releasing gasses (be it burping or tooting) and 15% about being able to write in your journal. Knaw mean? It’s a natural thing we all need and no one knows why, but it keeps us calm, cool, collected and mentally sound. 

Kristin Says:

“Honest to Katniss” -Dannielle Owens-Reid

Listen. I have something to CONFESS. I am the person who, when you tell me you need alone time, will be like, OMG TOTALLY THAT IS SO GOOD FOR YOU… and then if it’s the right kinda day, three breaths later I will be like REMEMBER HOW YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME OR WANT ME AROUND?!

So, I will advise you from the perspective of the person who knows deep down that you love me (him) but still has trouble holding onto that reality in the way of insecurities:

#1: Be firm, lovingly. #thatswhatshesaid  Even if he gets angry or sad or says things that he doesn’t mean, you must stand your ground. In a lot of cases, after three weeks of you taking your alone time he will adjust to the change and - if he is anything like me - probably realize he also loves eating cereal in bed while tooting and watching movies.

#2: Don’t pussyfoot around the issue. #thatsalsowhatshesaid My BIGGEST pet peeve is when my boo will be like, “Soooo. Next Tuesday. I was going to go to dinner with Charlie. And like. I love you. I just was thinking that maybe. Is it okay if like. I’d like to maybe. Spend time alone a little? {cringe face}” YOU GUYS. It makes me feel like such a bonehead. Even though some of the time I will feel insecure, I just want to be spoken to like a grown lady. Tell him when you want alone time, and don’t anticipate him being put off by it. Sure, maybe the first 3 times he will get sad, but if you can manage to not anticipate it… that fourth time he just might surprise you.

#3: In the moments when you are having an incredible time with him, be sure to tell him. A lot of times we just assume our boo knows that we love spending time with them… but a lot of times that boo could really be served well by hearing it in human-words, instead of just knowing it instinctually.

You take your time, your boo will learn to let go more if you can both communicate and be patient, and everyone is going to be happily tooting in no time.