-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

It happens a tiny bit at a time. It’s like that song that Leighton Meester covered for that movie, COUNTRY STRONG. It’s called ‘a little bit stronger’ … my first suggestion is that you memorize that song and sing along VERY LOUDLY in your room… My second suggestion is that you try very, very hard to feel good about yourself because that’s where it starts. 

It’s super hard to say ‘i need to be strong’ and then to just DO IT. Being strong isn’t just one thing that you can master. It’s a list of one billion tiny things that you have to accomplish in order to feel okay. There are some things in life that just make us a total wreck and we just have to be a wreck for a while bc how are we supposed to rise from the wreckage if there was no wreck to begin with… #risefromthewreckage #hahhahaha

I’m serious though, in order to grow, change, and build inner strength you have to feel all the terrible feelings you want to avoid. There were times in my life where I literally laid in my bed and just over and over said ‘fuck this’ and didn’t move. There were people who i let totally ruin my self esteem. There were things that made me feel worthless. BUT, all of those things made me who I am today. By getting through those things, I proved to myself that I could be strong even if it didn’t feel like it.  When you’re at your weakest, you’re actually at your strongest, because you’re getting through it and that’s where it all starts. 

Kristin Says:

There’s a tiny nugget of information up there that Dannielle said, that I think is key in getting stronger: 

“It’s super hard to say ‘i need to be strong’ and then to just DO IT.”

I know a hundred million people (#exaggeration) who look at others that they believe to be strong human beings and think, I want THAT. I want to be strong like THAT PERSON. So, in an effort to achieve that strength, they push down all of the sad and scared and confused feelings and begin to barrel through life head-first. They think, these hundred million people, that by burying the way they feel (because those feelings aren’t ‘strong’) that they will achieve strength.

If I could sound a really loud buzzer at this point in the post signaling “WRONNNNG,” I would.

You CANNOT push down your feelings in an effort to get strong. Your feelings are your feelings, and they are things that live inside your heart and head and need attention and acknowledgement. Feelings have to be worked through, not ignored. That is the biggest piece of advice I can share in the path to getting strong.

The other thing to walk with is the knowledge that there is a difference between perceived strength and actual strength. You might look at me and see a strong human being… and you’re right, I am strong in so very  many ways (and so many ways that I have grown into over time). However, I am not JUST strong. I also stumble. I cry on my bathroom floor, I yell when I don’t mean to yell, I get overwhelmed and slam my fist into my desk, I sleep too late and skip the gym, I worry about failing and dying and being alone. I have my days, too. No one is invincible. Take the good with the less-than-good and know that the more you can accept and understand the less-than-good and focus on the good, the stronger you will become.