-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

L. O. L. This made me laugh, but also, I know what you mean. Annnnnd you’re probably gonna be jealous for a while. 

IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON, IT JUST MAKES YOU A HUMAN PERSON. I know it’s super weird bc you’re like ‘i dont like him like that anymore, his boyf is literally the best, i’m happy for him and i love hanging out with them BUT ALSO I HATE EVERYTHING,’ so you’re confused about your feelings…and that’s totally okay. Let yourself be jealous for a while bc a little jealousy is totally healthy.

HOWEVER, HERE’S WHAT I SUGGEST…

Say out loud the things you love about your friends boyf. I mean, EMPHASIZE that shit. When he comes over literally scream ‘I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE HERE’ and when he says something funny, scream ‘YOU’RE SO FUNNY’ and when he opens the door, shout, ‘YOU’RE SO NICE.’ You could just say them, you don’t have to scream them but (a) that makes everything hilarious (b) saying these things outloud will reiterate how much you love him. The only thing that can make this any better is accepting your jealousy and attacking it head on… WHICH IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE…which is why you have to yell things. 

The fact of the matter is; you love him and eventually you will be totally okay with him having a really amazing boyf. BUT you have to accept the way you feel before you can get over it. 

Kristin Says:

Stop trying to make the feelings STOP.

That should be a rule of thumb (what does that even mean) for everyone across the world for every issue they ever have. YOU GUYS. WE CANNOT MAKE FEELINGS JUST DISAPPEAR. IT’S SCIENCE.

Also: you can be happy for someone and still feel jealous. That jealousy doesn’t mean you are any less happy for your friend, and it doesn’t mean you are a jerk. It just means that there is a part of you that feels unsettled or insecure. That is totally normal, and totally acceptable.

So. Accept your feelings and explore them more. Try to understand why, exactly, this beautiful boy who is so nice makes your insides squinch up and get angry and resentful. Write about those feelings. Talk to your closest friends if you need to - and you can even consider talking to him, so long as it is framed in the context of, “I am so happy for you but sometimes I struggle despite it all - UGH FEELINGS YOU KNOW.”

For the most part, though, just work so that those feelings don’t erupt in a mean or passive-aggressive way while you are with the happy couple. You can HAVE feelings and still make sure those feelings don’t lash out at others. The more you accept the feelings, the less powerful they will become, and before you know it you will be the middle spoon in a cuddle-session with them both and you will confess how a few months ago you’d get so angry and then you wrote to Everyone Is Gay and they saved your life and they you’ll all have a webcast marathon together.

Boom.