-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

You just have to say it. I’m sure there’s a piece of you that is riddled with guilt. You feel like he has a right to talk like this, tell people, ask questions and hurt you bc it was your fault. Right? NOT. TRUE. You should still be treated with respect and your boyf should still consider your feelings enough to let this be a private matter. 

You went through a tough time, mad some bad decisions, and overcame your struggles with hard work and believing in yourself. AND I know it’s still an ongoing struggle. You’re dealing with a lot. You need support. 

Write a him something explaining how uncomfortable you are when he brings it up in public, and how you want to talk with him about it. When he says ‘ok lets talk,’ look him in the eye and tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him that you really feel like you’re doing so well, but those feelings disappear when he brings it up and doubts you. Tell him that the best possible thing he can do is support you. No matter what we’re going through, we NEED support, we NEED people who believe in us, and we NEED to feel get about ourselves. Ask him to help you with those things. 

Chances are, he’s worried and nervous and not trying to make you feel bad. Try to explain to him that you understand his concerns and you appreciate his worry, but you need him to change the way he expresses those feelings. Hopefully, he’ll get it, he loves you, right? He wants the best and he wants you to stay healthy and happy! You could also have him read this post….

Kristin Says:

I agree one million percent. You phrased your question in a way that let’s us know you are absolutely willing to talk about his feelings and experiences, but that you are frustrated and uncomfortable with the way in which he is approaching things now. When you speak with him - just like Dannielle said - make sure you emphasize the fact that you absolutely want to work with him to find a way to dialogue about his concerns, but you just want it to be in a way that also sits well with you.

I can’t completely understand your experience with him, but the thing I understand the least is why he is talking about this in front of people or with all of his friends. I think that he should absolutely be able to voice his fears with his close friends - that is a crucial part of him understanding his own feelings and being able to support you even further - but speaking about your personal life in front of others seems disrespectful. That said, there is a good chance that he has no idea it is making you uncomfortable to begin with!

Explain the exact scenarios that make you uneasy, ask him what he feels he needs to be the best partner to you, and explore those things together. The more you listen to him, the more he will listen to you. Just like anything else in a relationship, you both need to be open to the other’s concerns and thoughts and feelings, and work together to find common ground.