-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

This is difficult. Mostly because it has nothing to do with your girlf, but I’m sure she feels like everything is 100% her fault. 

I think you need to take a deep breath and realize that it’s okay to be insecure. Trust doesn’t just fall from the sky, you know? It needs to be built up very carefully, like a little house of cards. You have to be very gentle with yourself and realize that sometimes a tiny gust of wind will ruin the entire thing. AND ALSO REALIZE THAT IS OKAY. 

When I feel insecure, everything is so much worse because I feel like I’m not allowed to feel that way OR I just feel stupid. You’re not stupid. It’s totally understandable and once you’re okay with the fact that you’re not perfect, it will be a lot easier to trust yourself and your girlf. If there is a specific reason you don’t trust that she loves you, talk to her about it. When the two of you talk, LISTEN. Don’t defend your insecurities. Repeat to yourself all the reasons she says she loves you. 

You will get there. It will take time, but you will get there. 

Kristin Says:

Oh BOY do I understand this question.

Here’s the thing: You don’t just “get over” insecurities. You have to look ‘em dead in the eyeballs and be like, “I SEE YOU INSECURITIES. I SEE YOU AND I AM GOING TO LOOK AT YOU AND THINK ABOUT YOU AND TALK ABOUT YOU ANNNNND DESTROYYYYYY YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!”

They start to melt like the wicked witch of the west in a rainstorm when you treat them like that… trust me.

So. When your girlfriend says, “I love you,” and you are stuck thinking about the fact that she didn’t hold your hand at ANY POINT during Pitch Perfect and that’s probably because she ISN’T ATTRACTED TO YOU and she’s just LYING about loving you, you don’t just chastise yourself and wilt under the pressure of that insecurity. It means that you grab your girlfriends hands and you say, “I know you love me and I am working really hard on my insecurities but right now I am totally focused on thinking that you don’t love me because you didn’t hold my hands during the movie - ughghghghghghg!! {insert tears, grimaces, etc}”

That gives the ol’ bag #petnames a chance to say things like, “Oh my god YOU ARE SO CUTE, listen, my hands were so sweaty and I kept thinking about the fact that I wanted to be in an a cappella group and that you might think I was a dork if I tried out for one and like… OH MY GOD SHOULD I BE IN AN A CAPELLA GROUP?!” Then you will just fold into each other and laugh and laugh and you will be able to be a support system for each other.

We ALL have insecurities, you guys. Ain’t nothing stronger than speaking yours out loud to the person you love and allowing them to help you conquer them. Let her reassure you, let her hold you, and write down all the little things that will help guide you along the path of self-confidence just like little breadcrumbs.

#selfconficrumbs