"How do I make words come out of my mouth in a causal-sounding way when I talk to the girl I’m crushing on?? I mostly just sound like I’ve swallowed a sock or something :("
- Question submitted by Anonymous
I think you have to pretend you’re someone else… SOMETIMES, when i have a crush on someone who is straight and has a boyfriend and doesn’t know I exist and is really cool and follows her dreams and doesn’t give any fucks…I can’t breathe. BUT I JUST PRETEND I AM JUSTIN BIEBER AND THEN I AM FINE.
I know, it’s stupid, but I’m stupid and I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s like, when Justin Bieber walks into the room he AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMES all tha bitches wanna piece…and he’s usually right. They do want a piece, and it’s mostly because of his confidence. The great thing about confidence is… if you FAKE IT nobody will know. HONESTLY, you just pretend like nothing matters and you know in your heart of hearts you are the best, and you’ll start to sort of feel that way for long enough to be cute and funny.
If all else fails just keep saying “don’t throw up” in your head over and over. If you don’t throw up, you’re doing great. Nervousness is cute, confidence is cute, giggles are cute, cheeks turning bright red..it’s cute. No matter what you do if this girl is gonna be into you, she’s gonna be into YOU, therefore, you can’t go wrong.
That last bit is everything, you guys: if the girl is gonna be into you SHE’S GONNA BE INTO YOU. THAT, my friends, is what you have to keep telling your sock-throated self at every possible moment.
You can pull a Dannielle and pretend to be Justin Bieber, SURE FINE THAT IS HILARIOUS AND WHATEVER AND PROLLY WORKS IF YOU ARE GOOD AT ACTING, but… you can also give yourself a pep talk before you start your conversation where you’re like, “Hey self, guess what? You are a totally awesome self and even if you say the wrong things and you trip on your walk over to her and you blush and your elbow knocks into her boob accidentally, WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE WILL BE.” It’s true, you guys.
LAST POINTER: Plan a few things you want to say, and don’t be afraid to go off script. So, you’ll be like IM GONNA MENTION THE PARTY IM HAVING, IM GONNA TELL HER ITS A HARRY POTTER THEME, IM GONNA TELL HER I LIKE HER SHOES, IM GONNA LEAVE. You now have things to say buttttttt if you are like, “ITS HARRY POTTER THEMED,” and she is like, “OMG MY FAVEY CHARACTER IS HERMOINE WHO IS YOURS?!” you shouldn’t answer with, “YOUR SHOES. I LIKE YOUR SHOES.”
Breathe. Plan a bit. Go off script. Remember that everyone gets sock throat. You’ve got this. YOU’VE GOT IT.