"My ex-GF and I broke up about 2 months ago, and I just found out via Facebook that she’s dating someone new. I def don’t have feelings for her, but it still makes me feel like a bag of poop that she’s back out in the relationship world and I’m still on my own. How can I get this punched-in-the-stomach feeling to go away so I can start feeling happy for her already?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
I. Feel. You.
I have no idea why this happens, it’s some sort of weird ‘i failed and you didn’t’ thing that happens in your brain. I mean, YOU DIDN’T FAIL, I’m just saying I feel you and that’s what it feels like for me. Usually I get over it by hiding them from my FB feed, unfollowing their tumblr/instagram/whatever and being overly nice. There is no reason to compare yourself to your ex, but I know sometimes it’s inevitable, so may as well curb that shit ASAP.
Remember that you broke up for REASONS and if you put positive things into the universe, the universe will poop sparkly rainbows right back on your head. SO, instead of seeing her pix with her newboo and thinking “ugh, why can she find someone when i’m obviously cuter” STOP YOURSELF and think “i’m glad she has someone, love is in the air, soon i will be in love again, love love love, i’m gonna look up pictures of kittens.” Just completely turn it around, because like, who cares YOU KNOW!??!
When you feel stupid, flood your mind with happy thoughts. Force yourself to think everything is awesome. AND REMEMBER, exes are our exes because they suck.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. AND REMEMBER, EXES ARE OUR EXES BC THEY SUCK.” -Dannielle Owens-Reid
Sorry, you guys. Every once in awhile she just makes me laugh so hard that it makes its way into my answer.
The thing is… we are all the exact same people that we were as toddlers. It’s like, when you were three, you’d be playing in the sandbox or something, and you’d be like, “oooooh, here’s a fun truck!” and you’d pick the truck up and smash it into the wall a few times and make it dig up some sand and then you’d be like, ‘I AM TOTALLY BORED OF THIS TRUCK,’ and you’d put it down and consider making a sandcastle… UNTIL SOME OTHER JERKWAD CAME OVER AND DECIDED TO PLAY WITH THAT TRUCK. Then, a rage would boil inside your tiny three year old frame and you’d demand that this was YOUR TRUCK (even though it belonged to the playground or some other poor sap of a kid who was probably stuck on the swings or some shit), and you’d throw a fit. You’d lose all sense of why building a sandcastle was EVER a good idea when OBVIOUSLY TRUCKS ARE SO COOL, and your entire three-year-old world would come tumbling down around you.
You see what I mean? Maybe not. Here is what I mean:
1. We all have those feelings. It is human nature. So, forgive yourself for the poop-feelings, because it is like… a programmed instinct and it generally can’t be helped in those initial ‘they-have-this, i-have-nothing’ moments.
2. Do what Dannielle said: Remove her, temporarily, from your computer / life / whathaveyou. You need to heal those wounds and constant reminders will not help at all.
3. Remember the kid at the playground. That kid wanted to build a sandcastle, but forgot all about it because they felt like they didn’t have a truck… and they were all WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT A TRUCK?! You are off to a great start because already know that you don’t want that truck back. So, take it one step further and remind yourself that life isn’t always just about the trucks in this world. Build that goddamn sandcastle.