Anonymous said: My girlfriend is totally incapable of talking about our future together. Like, I'm a total U-hauler and I know this and I get that's a little extreme, but after a year together I'd like to be able to talk about some of the things I want for us. When she won't to with me it makes me think this is more of a convenience thing for her. How do I tell if she's using me or just scared?
Using you?! for what? Bc she doesn’t want to plan the future? CALM DOWN.
You being terrified that she DOESN’T want to talk about the future, is the same as her being terrified that you DO want to talk about the future.
Now, there are some compromises that should be made. If it makes her feel weird to name your imaginary kids, don’t push that. If you have a job in Ohio in four months and you want to know what that means for the two of you, push it.
The fact of the matter is, you guys are here now. If you’re in love and happy NOW, what’s the point in focusing only on the future. Just be together, grow together, learn together and see where life takes you. Talk to her, don’t jump on her bc you’re sure that her being uncomfortable means she doesn’t love you… TALK to her. Ask her why it makes her feel weird. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about bc she loves you so much and she’s scared if she plans a future she’ll just be let down bc you’ll stop loving her. You don’t know if you don’t ask her.
If you love planning futures and that’s all you wanna do for your whole life, tell her you need a little something so you don’t feel totally left behind and lost. You’ve both got to be willing to compromise a little. The two of you don’t see life the same way, that’s obvious, that doesn’t mean you’re not meant to love each other forever, you just have to find a way to work together. weeeeeeeeeeee
Allright, hold your U-Horses, everyone.
Your question, in simpler terms, basically says that you are extreme in one way and your boo is extreme in the opposite way. Guess what that means? You have to meet in the middle. #thatswhatshesaid
The funny thing about this situation, is that I could almost guarantee that if your lady all of a sudden pulled a 180 and was like, “OMG YOU ARE RIGHT I WANT TO HAVE BABIES AND WHAT WILL THEIR NAMES BE AND CAN WE HAVE BLUE CURTAINS AND ALSO WHEEEEEEE,” you would have at least a fleeting moment where you squeezed your butt cheeks in a panic. We are human beings, you guys. That means that when someone tells us they need something from us, our instinct is to automatically panic that we won’t be able to meet their expectations.
It sounds like you have been pushing the future on her, and that may be the exact thing that is causing her to freak out. There is a way to sit her down calmly and say, “Hey, I know that you hate talking about the future and I love talking about it, so maybe we can find a way to talk about things that feel safe to you, and go from there?” If she feels a tiny bit of flexibility on her end, she will probably loosen up a bit.
You should really trust me on this one, because I have tricked SOOOOO many of my girlfriends into thinking that they are the ones who want the blue curtains using this exact method.