"I’ve never had a relationship last this long - how is it supposed to feel when that initial honeymoon everythingisawesomeandyouaretotallyflawless phase wears off?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
I think it feels different for every human? I’ve only made it past the honeymoon phase, like, once in my entire life. I haven’t had many relationships make it past 6 or 7 months, TO BE HONEST.
For me, the one time I got past the honeymoon phase, it didn’t really stop. Sure, things were more routine, we got in a few fights, things were a little more serious, etc. BUT I would still be like ‘omg you’re so cute’ and I would think she was a funny little idiot and I wanted to hear about her day and I wanted to giggle and I loved seeing movies and none of that ever went away.
I think your feelings become deeper and they mean something more, but I don’t think the honeymoon feelings are every supposed to go away? Maybe I’m wrong, but technically it’s an opinion so I CAN’T BE WRONG. BOOM.
Your feelings will mean different things. Instead of thinking your boo is perfect, you love her because of her imperfections. Instead of thinking she does nothing wrong, you talk through the mistakes you’ve both made and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Instead of going out to dinner, you start to love when she cooks for you. Instead of her watching the shows you love, you watch the stupid shows she loves. Things change, but it’s for the better. The honeymoon phase is over, but everything is still the greatest.
I agree and I think that a lot of people have an opinion of what is “supposed to happen” after the initial falling-in-love-and-getting-googly-eyed part of a relationship is over. A lot of us think it’s okay if some of the magic goes away or if we don’t keep up with date nights or if we start to talk less about our feelings or the love notes taper, etc…
I whole-heartedly disagree.
I think that as the honeymoon stage wears off, a relationship definitely requires more work and more attention - but I think that those feelings of overwhelming love should remain, and I also think that every effort should remain to keep the little (but huge) elements of care and love present.
What should it feel like? I don’t know how to answer that since we all process things differently, but I can tell you what it has felt like for me and you can take from it what you will. For me, it feels like a love that is so much more nuanced and so much deeper than an initial honeymoon phase, but with those elements of EEEEILOVEYOU woven in to the overall picture. It feels like something that is fragile in places that need care, and strong as hell in the places that keep us together. It feels like a journey that is filled with certainty, though also peppered with doubts and confusions that comes with life’s ups and downs.
It feels good to wake up together and good to go to sleep together and good to make breakfast together and good to buy new shoes together, and sometimes you cry and maybe sometimes you yell… but the overall and underlying feeling should be wonderful, challenging, and ever-changing.