- Question submitted by Anonymous
YOU GUYS NO.
First of all, you can pretend to be something else all you want. There are people all over the world who just totally fake it and get married and have kids and spend their lives being completely miserable because they’re afraid to be themselves. So, if you want to do that BY ALL MEANS BE MY GUEST.
But let me tell you a little something about being gay. It literally doesn’t matter. Who you are as a human being, the good you do for the world, the way you treat those around you, how hard you work, how you love, THESE are the things that actually matter.
I know it’s difficult, trust me, I totally had moments where I was like “why can’t i just be straight, everything would be so much easier.” BUT YOU GUYS, I’ve been through kind of a lot, and I can honestly say when i look back on my life the struggles are NOT something I want to erase. IT sucked, it really did suck, but I really love who I am and I know for a fact I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go through all the bullshit.
Take a deep breath and remember to live life moment to moment. Don’t worry so much about the big picture, just follow your heart. If there are people in your life who make you feel like shit for who you are, get rid of them. Or at least back off a bit, you don’t need that. You’re perfect exactly how you are, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
I disagree with some of what Dannielle said up there, but that is the beauty of living a life… we all have different experiences that make us feel differently and process the things around us in varying ways.
We both understand how being gay shapes and affects your life, and how that is out of our control in many instances. In that sense, I do think that being gay matters. It is unfair, ridiculous, hurtful, and, at times, dangerous. We do live in a world where Glee features gay characters in primetime and where several states passed marriage equality in the past few MONTHS… but we also live in a world where trans* people are overlooked daily in the struggle for equality, where a man was shot on the streets of New York City just this past Friday for being gay, where people are excluded and ridiculed for being too fat, too slutty, too smart, too stupid, and where most people still look out at the world looking for pink and blue pairings. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes the impetus is to wish it away for ourselves.
The thing is, though, even if this “went away” for you… it wouldn’t go away. You are now acutely aware of some of the inequities in this world, and even if you weren’t looked at oddly or spoken to differently moving forward… you’ve felt it. Pushing your feelings (your human, completely normal, completely wonderful feelings) away doesn’t create happiness or make things easy.
Finding others who love you for you who are builds happiness. Looking at the things you feel and speaking to others about those experience as a means of mutual support builds happiness. Opening up conversations with others about ways to take action to pave a way forward with less hatred and judgement… that builds happiness.
You may be in an area of the world where you can’t find those things immediately —- but this post you are reading on the Internet is one of thousands out there that speak these words. The Internet has created a worldwide community of people who are saying, “Hey, there are f*cking millions of us out here who believe in you and support you. There are f*cking millions of us out here who want to work for change.”
If you have no one else to look to at this moment, look here. Remember this: you are is incredible. You are powerful. The things you may want to wish away are also creating knowledge within you that is brilliant when channeled toward helping others and creating change.
I am so sorry that you are hurting. Know that we are all out here fighting for you.