everyone is gay

Hey beans. Want to get 20% off ALL THE THINGS?! Go to our store,...

Fri, 24 May 2013 13:08:27 -0400

Hey beans.

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…tada. {jazz hands}

"I'm a teacher on tumblr and have students on tumblr. I found a student's tumblr and discovered ze prefers gender-neutral pronouns. The school is very accepting and all zir's teachers would be willing to educate themselves about it. However, I don't want to out the student (without permission, in general, etc.), especially since I haven't been told directly (nor asked to inform others!). What do you think is the best course of action?"

Fri, 24 May 2013 10:00:22 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

OKAY LISTEN. I don’t know what the actual right thing to do is, but I’m going to tell you what I would do and like, you don’t have to listen to me if you don’t wanna.

So, if I were in your position I would talk to WATERBOTTLE (student name) after class. I would literally say, “Listen WATERBOTTLE, I accidentally came across your tumblr and noticed you prefer gender-neutral pronouns, is that something you’d prefer in school, too, or do you keep school/after school separate on purpose?”

Chances are ze will be ELATED that you (1) care enough to ask AND (2) are super into the idea of being respectful and considerate of their wants/needs.

HOWEVER, I would absolutely not approach other teachers before you’ve had this conversation. You just never know. There was a long period of time where I was totally out to my friends and family, but I didn’t feel like having that conversation at work. It’s just a different environment and I wasn’t completely comfortable just yet. This could totally be the case with WATERBOTTLE, so check in before you spread the word.

GOOD LUCK AND ALSO I’M SO GRATEFUL THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD IT MAKES MY HEART SWELL. YOU ARE THE MOST.

Kristin Says:

I agree. Talk to the student one on one and let them know you are cool with whatever they’d like, take it from there, and - obviously - don’t out the student to others.

Or you could simply start referring them as WATERBOTTLE and see if they are an Everyone Is Gay fan, and then you won’t even need to have the conversation because they’ve already read this and so they know you know and you now know they know you know they know.

You know?

—

Also, no big deal, but we checked in with our friend Zak over at The Art of Transliness to see what he’d do in this situation, and turns out his advice was spot on with Dannielle’s! Here is what Zak advised:

Do your students know you follow them on Tumblr? If so, this particular student might have partially been putting that information out there in hopes that you’d see it. If it wouldn’t be too awkward, perhaps you could take zir aside and let zie know that you found zir blog and/or saw that zie preferred gender neutral pronouns and just ask if zie would like you to start using those pronouns or talk to other people about it for zir. Just letting the student know that you are supportive and that you want to help would be nice.

Zak is pretty amazing, and if you don’t already - you should check out The Art of Transliness!

everyoneiskind: Your Stories: Boston University student Liz...

Thu, 23 May 2013 10:00:22 -0400

everyoneiskind:

Your Stories: Boston University student Liz Douglass talks about coming out, being accepted by her family, and finding renewed faith in her religion. Liz is the Marsh Chapel associate for LGBTQ students at BU.

"What do you do when your best queer pal gets jealous with every new relationship you have?"

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:03:57 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

You have to talk to FRIENDSIE (yr friend).

I mean, I’m not sure if you went out of your way to say you friend was queer bc like… you think they have a crush on you?? Or maybe you were like ‘i have to say they are queer bc this is everyoneisgay.com’ WHICH ISN’T TRUE WE ANSWER QUESTIONS FROM EVERYONE AND THIS APPLIES TO ALL TYPES OF PEOPLE.

First off, be sensitive. You don’t totally know why FRIENDSIE is being jealous, maybe they have a crush on you, maybe they feel like you’re changing, maybe they feel super left out, maybe your booz have been jerks in the past, maybe FRIENDSIE is feeling protective, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW. So, approach with sensitivity.

Second, be direct. This is one of those things you can’t be passive about. If you say “sooo.. do you wanna talk about anything” you’re just being dumb. Literally say “Hey, i feel kind of weird about US when I start new relationships, can we talk about it?” AND THEN TALK ABOUT IT.

Third, make sure you aren’t completely isolating yourself just because you’re into a new thing with a new human. We get caught up in boo-time and we ALL have a tendency to shut out our friends a tiny bit… DON’T DO THAT. Pay attention, center yourself, find a balance, etc. You can totally have both.

Kristin Says:

Wonderful and sound advice from my colleague, Dannielle.
#colleague #colleagueoftheirown #ginadavis

I agree, this has to be addressed - BUT ALSO I have a few things you might want to try if you are having trouble facing things head on right at this very moment.

A lot of times, besties feel upset when there is a new boo in town because they feel inadequate or insecure. FRIENDSIE might feel like her jokes aren’t as funny as your new boo’s jokes, or that you won’t need advice when you get mad at your parents anymore because you have your boo to listen to all of your worries.

Take time out to let FRIENDSIE know that she is needed. Don’t do it in a dramatic way where she knows you are just “trying to make he feel better,” but actually spend time with her and during that time let her know how much she means to you. Let her know that sometimes you can’t open up to your boo the way you open up to FRIENDSIE because FRIENDSIE knows you so well, and has known you for so long. Little things like that might help FRIENDSIE get back on track.

That all said, our relationships with anyone, romantic or otherwise, always flail when they aren’t honest. You can try the above and see if that helps a bit… but if you are still feeling upset, you should really scroll back up there and follow Dannielle’s very well-thought-out advice.

PS: If FRIENDSIE is crushin’ on you and that’s the issue, that’s a different post for a different day and GOOD LUCK…

"How do I know if I like him or just like the feeling of being liked?"

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:00:23 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

I imagine if you REALLY like someone, you probably aren’t asking yourself this question?? I mean, we all have fears when starting something new, and maybe there’s a piece of your brain/heart that is trying to protect you from really feeling stuff…BUT YOU GUYS, you can usually tell what your true feelings are even if you don’t want to be feeling them.

Take a step back and think about what you really want. It’s okay to date someone because they like you, there’s nothing wrong with that, you know? All kinds of relationships start for all kinds of reasons and it’s totally alright if the two of you aren’t on the exact same page, BUT it’s important that you’re at least honest with yourself.

You don’t want to get into a situation where you’re not that into it and POPSICLE (your boo) is totally into it and you end up leading them on for like a hundred years (exaggeration) and you’ll both end up getting hurt. Take it one day at a time and remember it’s not a terrible thing to enjoy the way it feels to be liked. You’re cool, just don’t take advantage of the situation and always be open with your feels.

Kristin Says:

Make a list.

I think that there are a lot of things that are hard to sift through when it comes to feelings, but I think this question is at least partially solvable by sitting down with a pen and some paper (I’m old fashioned like that), and writing down the words: “Things I like about POPSICLE.” Then, just make a list. Don’t think. Put the tiny things and the big things, the superficial things and the meaningful, the complex and the silly. Now, look at your list…

If your list is chock-full of things that point back toward you (I like the way he tells me I have beautiful eyes), then this MIGHT be about you liking the feeling of being liked — BUT ALSO HOLD UP. There’s one more step. If you like the way he compliments your eyeballs because you like that compliment and you like people telling you nice things, then this might be a situation of you not being too into him. If, however, you think about other people giving you that same compliment and it doesn’t feel the same — if the way he looks at you is different from how others look at you and the HIM looking at you or HIM talking to you is integral to the feeling good… then you probably like him.

We all like the feeling of being liked. That is a critical component of liking someone, they like you back and you like the way the whole kit’n kaboodle of feelings feels. #feelfeelfeel The hinge is found in how that particular person plays a role within those feelings. If you aren’t moved by the way they smile when they talk to you, if your knees don’t feel a little wobbly from time to time because of the way they, specifically, hold your hand, those are items worthy of further reflection.

"Why can't i just wish away being gay? It would make everything so much easier."

Mon, 20 May 2013 10:00:34 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

YOU GUYS NO.

First of all, you can pretend to be something else all you want. There are people all over the world who just totally fake it and get married and have kids and spend their lives being completely miserable because they’re afraid to be themselves. So, if you want to do that BY ALL MEANS BE MY GUEST.

But let me tell you a little something about being gay. It literally doesn’t matter. Who you are as a human being, the good you do for the world, the way you treat those around you, how hard you work, how you love, THESE are the things that actually matter.

I know it’s difficult, trust me, I totally had moments where I was like “why can’t i just be straight, everything would be so much easier.” BUT YOU GUYS, I’ve been through kind of a lot, and I can honestly say when i look back on my life the struggles are NOT something I want to erase. IT sucked, it really did suck, but I really love who I am and I know for a fact I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go through all the bullshit.

Take a deep breath and remember to live life moment to moment. Don’t worry so much about the big picture, just follow your heart. If there are people in your life who make you feel like shit for who you are, get rid of them. Or at least back off a bit, you don’t need that. You’re perfect exactly how you are, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Kristin Says:

I disagree with some of what Dannielle said up there, but that is the beauty of living a life… we all have different experiences that make us feel differently and process the things around us in varying ways.

We both understand how being gay shapes and affects your life, and how that is out of our control in many instances. In that sense, I do think that being gay matters. It is unfair, ridiculous, hurtful, and, at times, dangerous. We do live in a world where Glee features gay characters in primetime and where several states passed marriage equality in the past few MONTHS… but we also live in a world where trans* people are overlooked daily in the struggle for equality, where a man was shot on the streets of New York City just this past Friday for being gay, where people are excluded and ridiculed for being too fat, too slutty, too smart, too stupid, and where most people still look out at the world looking for pink and blue pairings. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes the impetus is to wish it away for ourselves.

The thing is, though, even if this “went away” for you… it wouldn’t go away. You are now acutely aware of some of the inequities in this world, and even if you weren’t looked at oddly or spoken to differently moving forward… you’ve felt it. Pushing your feelings (your human, completely normal, completely wonderful feelings) away doesn’t create happiness or make things easy.

Finding others who love you for you who are builds happiness. Looking at the things you feel and speaking to others about those experience as a means of mutual support builds happiness. Opening up conversations with others about ways to take action to pave a way forward with less hatred and judgement… that builds happiness.

You may be in an area of the world where you can’t find those things immediately —- but this post you are reading on the Internet is one of thousands out there that speak these words. The Internet has created a worldwide community of people who are saying, “Hey, there are f*cking millions of us out here who believe in you and support you. There are f*cking millions of us out here who want to work for change.”

If you have no one else to look to at this moment, look here. Remember this: you are is incredible. You are powerful. The things you may want to wish away are also creating knowledge within you that is brilliant when channeled toward helping others and creating change.

I am so sorry that you are hurting. Know that we are all out here fighting for you.

Personal Post Paturday You guys… how is this legit our...

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:00:20 -0400

Personal Post Paturday

You guys… how is this legit our job? HOW.

We don’t know how you guys manage to love us so much, support us so hardcore, and appreciate everything we do so perfectly, but christ if we don’t love you for it.

Isn’t it weird how things work out? Isn’t it weird that three years ago we both had day jobs? We got together on weekends and late afternoons and sort of halfway planned things. We danced to Britney Spears and told you who’s life powers we wanted to absorb. We answered the question “I hat gays” …WHICH IS NOT A QUESTION BTW.

Anyway, thanks. Thanks for taking us so seriously when we were being such idiots. Thanks for watching us sing underwater. Thanks for letting me reclaim YOLO. Thanks for tweeting at us to let us know when Demi Lovato’s bday is, you know? Just thanks. For getting it. You guys get us. It’s the best feeling in the world.

"Me and my girlfriend fight constantly. And by constantly I mean 6 of the 7 days a week. She keeps telling me it's normal and that we'll get through it. (As this is my first relationship-I'm 21-I don't really know the norm of there is one) anyway, I'm a little lost as to what to do. Should being with someone be this hard?"

Fri, 17 May 2013 10:00:32 -0400

- Question submitted by onetwo4u

—

Dannielle Says:

I was totally in a relationship like this once. It was so weird for because I don’t fight. It’s not WITHIN me to fight a lot. I get over stuff pretty easily, not much upsets me, and i have a pretty great ability to see both sides of a situation. I like to talk things out, I like to figure out compromise, and I don’t mind admitting i’m wrong (but also i’m never wrong).

HOWEVER, everyone is not like me. The girl I dated liked to fight. She’d grown up with parents who fought constantly, and that was the only way the two of them could figure their shit out. That is what she was used to and i guess that’s fine!? It wasn’t something I could deal with and ultimately we didn’t last. BUT I THINK that we all different human beings and we all work things out in a way that works for us. If this doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t and that’s all there is to it. Chances are if it isn’t working for you, it isn’t working for her.

I have friends who fight all the time and every single time they fight I can literally see them growing closer and getting stronger as a couple. When I was fighting all the time, I felt weak, worthless, and stupid. It’s all about you, your feels and your relationship. If it isn’t what you want, it isn’t what you want and that is totally okay.

Kristin Says:

I think that your question contains your answer. I read you saying, “I don’t feel good about this. I don’t want it to be like this. I disagree with my girlfriend, and I don’t want to fight this much anymore.” You are sick of fighting, and you don’t think that your fights are a productive means of becoming healthier as a couple. So, listen to your own answer: you are fighting too much, it is unhealthy, and you should probably consider either a) finding alternative ways to handle the things that are making you fight (if that is at all possible) or b) what it would look like to leave the relationship and seek out someone who you are more compatible with.

Some people are talkers, fighters, screamers… I happen to be one of them. I don’t mind a good fight or a good cry, and I do think that a lot can be gained from a little verbal sbarring and maybe even a door slam here and there. The thing about fighting, though, is that it should never, ever be the central point of your relationship. If the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about your boo is “we fight a lot,” THAT AIN’T GOOD.

Hold your ground and talk to your girlfriend about this issue. Tell her you need to look at the reasons why you are fighting and see if there is a way around them. Work hard, and work together, at talking through things, finding patience, and giving space in the moments when you want to break all the dishes. See if you are able to work toward a place where fighting happens less. If, in a month, things are exactly where they are today… you should probably get out of the relationship. There is no “norm” in terms of the behavior within relationships, because we are all very different people — but there is one thing that should always be consistent: you should be happy much, much more than you are upset, even while you are working toward being healthier and happier people.

Webcast 77! 1. I wear boys’ clothes, but I feel awkward in...

Thu, 16 May 2013 10:00:10 -0400

Webcast 77!

1. I wear boys’ clothes, but I feel awkward in stores. What can I do?

2. My gf got mad bc I left her alone making a sandwich… Now she’s angrily reading Harry Potter. Help!

"I'm on my own (financially) for the first time and really need money management advice. How do I balance paying for a social life and the things that make me happy ("Hello, my name is Madeline and I have a coffee and reading/book buying addictions") and paying for necessities while still following my passions (insert sentimental song of choice here)? Thank you!"

Wed, 15 May 2013 10:00:20 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

SENTIMENTAL SONG CHOICE: “I’VE BEEN LOVING YOU TOO LONG” VIA OTIS REDDING (montage of you with floating books)

First of all, I’ve had my friend, Marie’s, copy of “Time Travelers Wife” for, like, five years. So… you could steal from your friends to save money **omg jk don’t steal**

I remember when I was younger moms were super into the envelope system. You get your check, cash it and separate the bills into diff envelopes. Rent, Utilities, Phone, Credit Cards, Groceries, Car, Insurance, Misc. They would carry around the envelopes they needed for certain things and leave the others at home… or like, carry an accordion file in their purse or something. WHO KNOWS. I did something similar when I was working at a coffeeshop a few years back. I had two mugs on my bookshelf. One was for bills and one was for not bills… Not the greatest system in the world, but my rent was never late!

We all make mistakes, ESPECIALLY concerning money and you sort of have to learn what works best for you. I can tell you to put your shit in envelopes or mugs or under your mattress or whatever, but you’ll have to find what works for you and stick with it. I put 50$ in my savings every week. If i skip a week, I skip a week, but I also don’t spend money on dumb stuff that week (i.e. I don’t go to movies or online shop or get a new tattoo, etc).

Set standards for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Use the things you love as incentive. “If i save this much i get to buy TWO BOOKS.” Find ways to buy cheaper books (half.com / yard sales / community book swaps) and bring your own mug to the coffee shop so you save that 10 cents or whatever. Join a co-op so you put in one hour of work and your groceries are cheaper. Cut corners, be smart, and always pay your rent FIRST.

Kristin Says:

SENTIMENTAL SONG CHOICE: RIHANNA’S “STAY” (featuring montage of you looking longingly as others dump out cups of fancy coffee drinks)

Dannielle is one million percent correct: this is all about balance and organization and follow-through.

You have to HAVE TO make a budget, y’all. Unless you have thousands of dollars pouring into your bank account ever hour, it is impossible to keep track of what you spend unless you set limits.

After you read this post, go on to google docs or excel or your email account or get out a pad of looseleaf paper OR WHATEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY, and write down the following:

Every month I make this much money: {$$$}

Every month my bills cost this much money: {$$$}

Every month I have this left over: {$$$}

If you have, say, $200 left over, that means that you proooobably don’t have enough to put much into savings, and you should divide that by four and allow yourself $50 each week for things like books, fancy coffee, and/or beers with friends. That is your “play” money.

OTHER NOTABLE POINTS:

- In the “bills” section, be thorough. If you have a cat, you have to feed the cat. Include that. If you go home to visit your parents about once a month and the train costs $40 round trip, include it. Include things like buying deodorant and toothpaste.

- If you have no money left over, you have to go back to the bills section and see what you can cut out or lower, unless you have the means to make the income go up.

- USED BOOKSTORES AND TO-GO MUGS, Y’ALL.

Okay, so… I think this makes Dannielle and I accountants, now. Congratulations to us and to the IRS, we will look for our bonus check in the mail.

"I recently came out to my mom, she went insane. For the past two days she has been emailing me saying that I have betrayed her and fooled her into believing I was her "perfect little girl". I'm starting to think I made a huge mistake, should I have just kept it to myself?!"

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:00:00 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

I want to state, for the record: your mother is wrong.

You did not make a mistake coming out to her, you did everything right and now she is going through something SLASH taking it out on you in a completely inappropriate way. We all need time to process coming out. We do, our parents do, our friends do, strangers, EVERYONE needs a little time, I totally get that and I don’t want to say your mother isn’t allowed that time to process. HOWEVER, I can tell you from experience, this whole thing is extremely emotionally damaging.

I’m not a therapist. In fact, I went to school for theatre, I literally know NOTHING, unless you need advice on which song to pick for your musical audition. BUT I DO KNOW THIS, I went through a tiny bit of hell with my mother for a very long time. I couldn’t change her opinion or make her be more respectful or explain to her why she was wrong, so i stopped trying. It was important for me (and I think for you, too) to realize that this wasn’t my “fault,” and I did nothing “wrong.”

You were honest with your mother, you tried to include her in a part of your life, you wanted her to understand you, and I PROMISE you did everything the right way. I’m sorry your mother’s reaction is the worst and I hope like hell she realizes the error of her ways. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I want you to know how perfect and wonderful you are, and how much of a mistake you DID NOT make. I am 100% on your side and I am sorry you’re going through this with your mom. I hope she gets her shit together.

Kristin Says:

I am so sorry.

When I came out to my mom she was also extremely upset, and not in control of her emotions at all. The first few months were absolutely HORRIBLE, and all we did was scream at each other and cry and slam doors and say things that we didn’t mean. I don’t know that I ever wished that I hadn’t come out to her… but I did feel completely misunderstood, judged for reasons that were exceptionally hurtful, and furious that my own mother was acting out in such extreme ways.

Turns out emotions make us do some pretty effed up things sometimes. I am not trying to tell you that you shouldn’t be hurting over your mother’s words — those words would hurt anyone, and it isn’t fair that you have to hear them. I am, though, saying that sometimes people lash out before they are able to take a deep breath and look at the situation in a more logical and level manner.

Don’t justify her words by arguing back with them. Tell her that you love her and that they words she is saying are hurting you in ways that will take a long time to heal. Explain to her, whether in a letter or by speaking to her, that you shared a part of yourself with her because you respect and care for her and your relationship. Tell her that you understand she might need some time, but that you don’t want to speak about these things until she can do so without lashing out at you.

I know it seems like it will be like this forever, but that is not always the case. My mother screamed and cried and argued with me for months, and things were not the best for years… but today my mother speaks to me about my relationships, has the people I love over for holidays, and has placed her focus on what makes me happy — instead of what she wanted to make her happy. Believe that your mom can get there, too. Give her some time, express how her words are hurting you, and don’t engage in the conversations where she is lashing out.

"SERIOUS QUESTION: So my friend and I just finished watching season one of the L word. We're so incredibly angry with Jenny that we aren't sure if we should continue with the series. IS IT WORTH IT!?? Shane is the only thing keeping my faith in the show right now."

Mon, 13 May 2013 10:00:08 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

You guys sound like your average everyday lesbian #sarcasm #stereotypes #ssssssssss

You should keep watching it so that you get references other lesbians will make, that’s why I watched most of it (i had to stop after season four bc I couldn’t handle it anymore). FOREWARNING: Jenny doesn’t get any better.

Also, why does EVERYONE LOVE SHANE?!?! Is it because she doesn’t give any fucks? Or is it because you’re all super into drugzz and sleeping around?? Like?! What is it?! Someone explain it to me. NOW.

Kristin Says:

Everyone loves Shane because Shane doesn’t give any fucks and people like other people to give all the fucks and so everyone just wants Shane to be like OMG I DIDN’T GIVE ANY FUCKS EXCEPT NOW I MET YOU AND SUDDENLY I GIVE A FUCK bc that will make them feel really special and also did Shane do lots of drugs BC I DON’T REMEMBER THAT I JUST REMEMBER THAT SHE LIKED TO CUT HAIR.

Anyway. If you are asking “Is it worth it” in a context of, like, “Is this show going to ever be compelling and wonderful?” then you should probably pack your DVDs up and start watching House of Cards or something. If you are asking “Is it worth it” bc you mean “Will I enjoy this ridiculous show bc it is totally ridiculous and fun?” then buckle up and keep going.

Also. Wait. Actually. Shut up and watch Season Two. Here’s my reason:

Personal Post Promday Hey beans! So, as you know, we go to high...

Sat, 11 May 2013 10:00:21 -0400

Personal Post Promday

Hey beans!

So, as you know, we go to high schools to speak and make people laugh and help make change and yadda yadda yadda. WELL, a couple of months ago we went to the Emery Weiner School in Houston, TX, and something totally awesome happened.

Rachel (pictured left) emailed us before the event to see if we could set her up for a totally bad-ass promposal to her girlfriend, Hayley (pictured right). We arranged it so that, during the Q&A, Rachel asked us for some bad-ass ways to ask someone to prom. We answered with a montage of silly and memorable ideas, and ended by saying, “Or… you could just stand up in front of the whole school and ask…”

Rachel stood up, on cue, and asked Hayley to go with her to prom, AND THE WHOLE SCHOOL CHEERED AND CLAPPED AND THEN WE (DANNIELLE & KRISTIN) MELTED INTO A PILE OF FUZZY WARM LOVE AND RAINBOWS.

Hayley, thankfully, said yes — and the above is a picture of them from prom!

Isn’t that the best?!

"My girlfriend always pays when we go out and buys me presents and spoils me rotten. I'm unemployed right now so I can't afford to do the same for her. What are some romantic and affordable ways to let her know I love and appreciate her?"

Fri, 10 May 2013 10:00:34 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

BEEEENNN THEEEERRRREEEE.

I once dated someone who was rolling in it and I was rolling in nothing, ever. BUT. I would send her letters / doodle pictures / write 10 second songs, etc. I just did a bunch of tiny cute stuff because while I WANTED to buy her pizzas and necklaces and the like, I couldn’t afford it.

Chances are, PUFFERFISH (your gf) doesn’t care that you aren’t loaded. She’s doing sweet things because she thinks you are the greatest thing and that’s that. PUFFERFISH is stoked on you as a human being and the way she shows you that she cares is via presents and dinners, etc. If you are showing her how much you appreciate her, you are doing great.

THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO SHOW PUFFERFISH YOU APPRECIATE HER. Honestly, just saying ‘thank you’ and ‘i appreciate you’ more often could be enough for her. Sure, you can appreciate her with drawings or notes or poems or your BODY or mix CDs or photoshopping your heads on celebrity couples or whatever, but sometimes words are enough.

Do something that is you, you know? She loves you for you, not for presents.

Kristin Says:

Abso-f*cking-lutely. Let me tell you something: when it comes to cute ways to tell someone you love them, having no budget generally makes for a WAY better plan. When you have money you are just like, “Oh I will buy them these nice new mittens and a ticket to see Annie,” and like that is TOTALLY sweet, but it sure isn’t creative and inventive. Here are some low/no-budget ideas to say you care:

- Pick her a bouquet of dandelions (free) or buy her a carnation with her favorite color of food coloring and make it change color together (cheap).

- Pack a peanut butter sandwich picnic (unless she is allergic to peanuts).

- Write “I care about you a lot” on your palm and invite her over to watch a movie (romantic comedies work best for this option). At a meaningful point in the movie, tap her on the shoulder and show her your palm.

- Get one of those black and white composition notebooks and on the first page write, “Things I Would Do For You If I Had A Million Dollars.” Then, go nuts and draw pictures of you giving her tiaras and building her castles and flying to the Eiffel tower and stuff, but end with a stick figure drawing of a hug. When she gets to the end, hug her.

I promise you, the best things that people have ever gotten me have been free — all that thought and care shows love in the most beautiful of ways.

everyoneiskind: Your Stories: Katie’s Krops It is important to...

Thu, 09 May 2013 10:00:22 -0400

everyoneiskind:

Your Stories: Katie’s Krops

It is important to remember that making change and helping others shouldn’t stop with just the LGBTQ community. Here is a story of a young person who helped the homeless. At nine years old, Katie planted a cabbage seedling in her backyard and was able to grow a forty-pound cabbage. It wasn’t long before she had six gardens, donating all of her produce to soup kitchens, homeless shelters and directly to people in need. Katie shows the world that if you want to make a difference, you follow a cause that you believe in, no matter how old or young you are.

PRIDE TOTE SALE PRIDE TOTE SALE! Hey y’all! From now...

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:00:12 -0400

PRIDE TOTE SALE PRIDE TOTE SALE!

Hey y’all! From now through the end of May, our Pride totes will be only FIVE DOLLARS! Guess what else?!?!??!! Every tote will also come with one Janet and one Trey button, which are no longer available in the store!! AHHHHHH COULD IT GET ANY BETTER!??!

IT CAN!

One person to reblog this post will win the whole kit’n kaboodle (get it? bc kit=cat and kaboodle=tote) at the end of the day today!

Click here to go to our store!

KAPOW!

"I share a house with my BFF from high school and his BF. Recently I purchased a bottle of [sexy/expensive] men's body wash. Every time I go to use it, it's upside down, the cap is open and I've noticed the levels of body wash decreasing rapidly. I don't mind them using it, I'd probably steal it too if it wasn't mine. I just can't afford to buy a new bottle every other week. It'd be fine if they bought the next one, but I'm afraid to approach the subject without coming across like I'm accusing..."

Wed, 08 May 2013 10:00:24 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

YOU HAVE TO MANIPULATE THEM.

Sorry, I’m in a dramatic mood this morning.

Honestly, this doesn’t have to be a big deal at all. Especially since it doesn’t seem like you give too many shits. Here is what I would do, next time they are out and about, shoot one of them a text that says “Hey, can you guys pick up more body wash while you’re out?” Things will go one of three ways, (1) they had no idea they were using your bod wash bc they both thought it was the other boyz or (2) they will be like “omg yes sorry we keep forgetting” bc they aren’t assholes and they understand the concept of sharing or (3) they will be like “uh… you mean pick up some body wash FOR YOU? Can you pay me back????” because they are absolutely assholes.

The first two are simple to deal with because you’ll just LOL together and keep smelling the same and life will be rainbows and butterflies. NUMBER THREE IS THE WORST. There isn’t a whole lot you can do about someone being an outright terrible roommate/sharer. If this is the case, I suggest you get a tiny plastic thing that you keep your bathroom stuff in and just take it to and from the bathroom every time you shower. IT’S THE WORST, but if they’re not going to compromise and you’re not into the idea of scream-fights over body wash, this is a solid option. HERE’S TO HOPING YOUR ROOMIES AREN’T A-HOLES *body wash cheers*

Kristin Says:

That is a pretty good plan —- passive aggressive action-taking at its finest. The bottom line here is that you either have a roommate who doesn’t realize they are doing anything wrong OR you have a roommate that is a dickweed, so you have to crack that case before you take further action. You know?

First of all: Dear Roommates of Other People, Do not use things that don’t belong to you without acknowledging that you have used said thing and replacing said thing. If you have used someone’s shampoo once or twice, be a doll and just get a whole new bottle. Don’t use something if you can’t replace it, and don’t use anything that is irreplaceable. No matter how close you are with your roommate BELIEVE ME IT ISN’T OKAY — even when it is okay, it often skirts the line to a place where someone feels weird, so just be courteous and treat anything that isn’t yours like… LIKE IT IS NOT YOURS.

For you, dear darling victim of an ignorant roommate, I would do what Dannielle says. Sure, maybe it will come off a little accusing, but there is not real way to deal with this maturely without somehow addressing the fact that your bodywash is being used by someone other than yourself. Remember that you aren’t accusing in a BAD way, though, you are just saying “Hey I am down to share bodywash, let’s just figure out a system so we are both contributing.” It is hard to do, but it is the best way forward.

If you literally cannot do that and aren’t at a point in your life where you feel comfortable speaking those words, then do the following:

1. Buy a bottle of CVS brand bodywash with flowers and hearts all over it.
2. Empty the flower nightmare inside, wash, refill with expensive sexy boy wash.
3. Refill sexy boy bottle with water.

#passiveaggressivewednesday

"okay so hey girls, i have a bit of a problem. i accidentally followed my brothers blog when i was looking at it and he ended up going on mine. and the thing is my blog is really gay so i'm pretty sure he knows i'm gay but he hasn't said anything and i'm not quite sure what to do."

Tue, 07 May 2013 10:00:12 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

This would drive me absolutely mad and I would have to say something. Although, I am slightly passive aggressive at times and I would probably be hanging out with my bro in silence for a good two hours before I said anything. Once I finally had the guts to say something it would be like, “So… I saw your blog.. and started following you…” and we would stare at each other and I would be like … “did you see mine” and he would be like “oh yea… sorta” and I would be like “i’m gay.” AAAAnd I’m willing to bet we would stare-blink at one another for a solid ten minutes.

Maybe you’re not ready to come out to your brother, but for some reason…I don’t think that’s the case. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but I feel like somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that your bro would see you blog and figure it out.

It isn’t his place to say something. The ball is 100% in your court. If you want to talk to him, if you want him to know you are gay, if you want to come out, DO IT. If you don’t, then ignore it for as long as possible and then explode one day while you’re both eating cap’n crunch. It’s totally up to you.

Kristin Says:

I am leaning toward you having the, “I want him to know I just have no idea how to talk about it” feeling based on the way your phrased your question. It’s that feeling of OH SHIT but also THANK GOD but also NOW WHAT. Right?

I would probably say something along the lines of, “Hey so I started following your blog and then you followed mine which seems pretty harmless but if you looked at any of it now you know I’m gay and if you didn’t look at it now you still know I’m gay and we don’t have to talk about it but we can and ISN’T THE INTERNET SO FUNNY {maniacal laughter}{silent stare}”

That will either be really funny immediately or it will be really awkward and you won’t talk about it for awhile and then when you do talk about it, it will be hilarious.

Also —- you could just reblog this post:

DEAR BROTHER IF YOU ARE READING THIS THE BEST APPROACH IS TO WALK OVER TO SISTER AND SAY “HEY SO HOW ABOUT THAT TEGAN CHARACTER AMIRITE?” AND THEN PUNCH HER IN THE ARM. THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE AS IT SHOULD AND YOU CAN CONTINUE ON YOUR WAY. GOOD TALK ALSO NICE TO MEET YOU.

"Sometimes, I feel really angry at straight people? How can I learn to deal with these feelings and stop being so mad?"

Mon, 06 May 2013 10:00:23 -0400

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Oh man, have I been there. I think this all depends on where that anger stems from, you know? For me, I was so upset that I just couldn’t just be a stereotypical perfect straight girl with earrings and dresses. It was all I wanted. My mom wouldn’t be upset, I wouldn’t feel weird at gas stations in small towns, I wouldn’t have trouble finding clothes i liked, I wouldn’t be called ‘sir,’ I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking about who I was dating, etc.

I guess I was never really angry, I was sad and jealous? Which is kind of a form of anger… YOU GUYS I DONT KNOW I’M NOT A THERAPIST. But whatever.

I think what you should do is take the word ‘straight’ out of the equation and recognize we are all people. Regardless of where we come from or how we grew up or who we’re boning, we are all people. We all experience life in a different way, we all struggle, we all get our hearts broken, we are all afraid we’re not good enough, we all feel sad / lonely / angry. We all work REALLY hard to feel accepted and a part of something.

You will meet people who don’t treat you like you’re an equal. This will happen to you based on an insurmountable number of qualities. Because your skin is too dark or not dark enough, you’re too skinny or not skinny enough, you don’t make enough money or you make too much, your faith isn’t what it should be, you’re too gay or not gay enough, your neighborhood is too far south or too far north, you work too hard or you don’t have to work, your abilities aren’t what they should be, you’ve made mistakes in the past, you have too many feelings or a lack thereof…I could go on for days.

Do me a favor and remember that we are people. Treat everyone around you with love and respect. We aren’t “gay people” and they aren’t “straight people.” We are all just people.

Kristin Says:

I want to just talk for a second about this idea Dannielle put forth about us not just being “gay” or “trans” or “straight” or “WHATEVER” people… because I think that idea is what creates an environment for blind anger.

There are two main reasons that might be making you angry with “straight people.” One is the idea that the actions of some represent the actions of the larger whole. This is a dangerous (read: really fucking dangerous) mindset. When we generalize and group others together based on factors like skin color, religion, sexuality, gender, gender identity, etc… we open the doors wide for misrepresentation, racism, sexism, and a parade of other “isms.” Who we have sex with does not determine our actions. How we have sex with people does not determine our actions. Those are parts of a larger whole, and so - in this context - there is no such thing as a “straight” person. There are millions of people, some of whom like to have sex with other people who identify as the gender opposite them. Period.

The other possible reason that you are angry is because of a larger system that makes you feel less-than. Well, of fucking course you are, and those are valid, heavy feelings. You are mad because you see other “straight” couples holding hands in the park or kissing each other or getting married or doing whatever they want to do and not flinching for a moment, not gathering unwanted attention… and you want that. Of fucking COURSE you want that. I want that, too, and it makes me angry… it makes most of us angry. Right now, though, your anger is being directed at individuals who may or may not have anything to do with this larger system. What’s more, being gay or trans doesn’t mean that you aren’t also a part of this system of oppression… a lot of us are implicated in really complex and intricate ways. The best advice I can give when it comes to those feelings comes in three parts:

1. Remind yourself that the anger you feel is a result of the actions of millions over the course of history. No one person deserves the weight of that anger. Take a deep breath, think about what that person or those people ate for breakfast or what they named the stray cat they adopted from the deli or how when they were five their mom joked about their big ears and they still keep their hair long to hide them… make up particulars to remind yourself of their individual humanity.

2. Forgive yourself. It’s hard to walk around and see others get things that you might not be able to have. It is okay to feel hurt or angry or frustrated because of those limitations. I feel it. Dannielle feels it. We all feel it.

3. Channel it forward toward good. When anger makes us hateful or destructive, there is little progress that can be made. When we feel angry and we look at the larger reasons of why we are angry, and then think about ways we can begin to unravel those things… we make change. If all of us responded to these inequities with hard work and kindness, I think we would see unbelievable results.

Personal Post Paturday

Sat, 04 May 2013 10:00:22 -0400

Dannielle Says:

I’m getting old, i guess.

Since when did my back hurt from sitting for too long? Since when do I need sleep to function? Since when does fried food make my insides WANT TO DIE? Since when do I have to work out ‘eerday (via nelly) or my body turns to literal bread dough? Since when is 1999 BASICALLY FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.

IT’S FINE. BEING OLD IS FINE. But like, sometimes Kristin and I will roll up to a college and see a bunch of 20 year olds eating six bags of Doritos and drinking 18 mountain dews and staying up til 4am and they look like 2001 Britney Spears and i’m like ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME!?!

Ugh, cherish it, folks… CHERISH. IT.

Pretty soon, you’ll wonder why you ACTUALLY have pain in your knees and hips. IN CASE YOU DON’T GET THE REFERENCE THAT IS WHAT 90 YEAR OLDZ ARE UPSET ABOUT ALL THE TIME. I AM 90. GOODNIGHT.

Kristin Says:

I am used to being ninety so I am glad Dannielle is also now in pain alongside my weary bones.

Also, no one panic bc even when we are actually ninety we will still be running Everyone Is Gay and we will look something like this: