-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Anything is possible, but also everything is different for every human all of the time. I don’t know what too attached means to you, but chances are if you’re feeling like you’ve lost a part of yourself, you probably have. 

I always suggest making time for yourself REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL. I know in the beginning it’s all boo all the time, but you can’t do that forever or you’ll completely lose yourself and you’ll blame your booboobear (subconsciously, of course). 

You can be as attached or involved as you wanna be as long as you take some time for you. Just a few hours a day or a couple days a week or whatever, get back in touch with your emotions and what not, you know? Humans are soooo difficult, we have to work super hard to understand ourselves, why we do what we do, why we are who we are, why we react the way we react, etc. We are always changing and we have to take that time to grow and understand ourselves. WHICH YOU CAN DO IN A RELATIONSHIP if you take the time to actually do it. So, TAKE THE TIME OR I’LL FIGHT YOU. 

Kristin Says:

Yes, yes, YES - you absolutely can be too involved in your relationship and HERE’S WHAT’S TRICKY: a lot of times you can’t even tell that you need “you” time because you get so used to having all boo-time all the time.

Personally, I think that it should be a relationship rule (A Ruleationship) that you have at least (AT LEAST!!!) one night every week to yourselves. I am the first one to be like BUT I MISSSSS YOU BUT I LOOOOOVE YOU BUT WAH WAH WAH, but let me tell you what… anytime that I take that time alone, I wind up having such an incredible evening. 

No matter who we are or how we operate, we all need to sit in the silence that comes from time with ourselves. It is during that time when our brains finally begin to unwind, to think the thoughts that have been hidden underneath all of the to-dos and the immediate needs and plans and STUFF. When we take several hours to sit and be with ourselves, we become bigger and better people.

Sometimes it is easier to do what we know and to spend all of our time in the comfort and presence of the person or people we love the most. Remind yourself diligently that this time is wonderful and valuable, but that you shouldn’t lose track of who you are when you are just YOU.

#youyouyouyouyouyou

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

Did you put “me” in quotes because you’re not real? CYBORG ALERT.

It’s not just you, TRUST ME and it doesn’t have to be how you are for the rest of your life. This feeling SLASH situation manifests itself differently in all of us. I had a friend in college who could give a rats ass about the people she dated, but when it came to friends she was EFFING SERIOUS. She got attached to friendships the same way you get attached to relationships, and of course, being that it was college and everyone was so all over the place, she got hurt A LOT. 

We all have to get hurt, we just have to. It’s a part of the human condition. Did i sound super smart right then? Seriously though, we have to make it through the toughest parts of our life so that we can enjoy the best parts, so that we can understand what makes us feel awful and shoot for the things that make us feel awesome. Try to create a small divide when meeting new people, if you don’t jump right in and you, instead, force yourself to slow down, it will help with the healing process if things end up not working out. Getting attached to people is not a bad thing, loving too much is not awful, putting other before yourself is not the worst thing in the world… BUT it helps when you remember that you are important and you deserve to be happy, if these people are hurting you, it is not because you’ve done something wrong or you’re not good enough, it’s because the two of you weren’t supposed to work out. When it IS supposed to work out, it totally will. 

Kristin Says:

You are talking to a person who gets attached to people all the time, and TOTALLY FEELS YOUR PAIN.

First of all, you loving other people with more ease than the average bear is NOT WRONG. It is not something that you should CORRECT. It is a brilliant, beautiful thing, and there are a ton of people out there who wish it were easier for them to open their hearts to others. Opening your heart to other human beings will be one of the things that makes your relationships (in all areas) incredible and strong.

Second of all, the brilliance that you will find in relationships because of that ability to love comes along with a counterpart: getting hurt more easily than the average bear. The reason that a lot of humans can’t open up as easily as you do is because they are afraid of that vulnerability and that hurt. It is a scary thing because it truly does make your whole brain and heart space twist and turn in awful ways.

Third of all, it most certainly is not “just you.” You are probably a more vocal person when it comes to how you feel, and just because you aren’t hearing the same set of emotions from another person, doesn’t mean that they are void of feeling. It means that their feelings take a different shape.

Remember that you don’t have to express every emotion that comes to your heart, but that you are not wrong for needing to communicate those feelings with others. Remember that your feelings are valid, and that just because you become more vulnerable than others, you aren’t wrong or dumb or dramatic. Your feelings are your feelings and that is what makes you you… and that you in the person that other people will adore. 

You feeling hurt is not you being dumb. You feeling hurt will help you grow - you’ll collect some callouses along the way, sure… but if you are anything like me you will still, years later, have that giant heart that loves to love, and that will become the thing that people value most about you.