-Question submitted by Michayla

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Dannielle Says: 

Brace yourself. The only way to fix this is to be a little bit awkward. 

When I was 16 my mom VERY SERIOUSLY was like “dainyel, arr ewe havin sexxx” (she has a very thick southern accent) and I was like ‘NOOO’ with a panicked look in my eye. Panicked because I was lying? No. Panicked because my mom was trying to talk to me about sex? Yes. I had no interest in talking to my mom about the fact that I wasn’t swapping boners with people. The whole idea of talking about sexistuff with my mom just made my insides curl up and vomit themselves out.

HOWEVER, If I were me RIGHT NOW or if I were you (you seem comfy talking about this stuff) I would say “NO” with a panicked look in my eye AND THEN LATER be like ‘listen, seriously, i’m not having sex and I know I’m suuuuuper hot and totally should be or whatever, but I’m not and the reason i’m not is because i DON’T WANT TO.’

Chances are this will open up a conversation where your parent(s) actually believe what you’re saying because it isn’t just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, it’s a dialogue. If you explain to your parents why you aren’t interested in sex right now, they’ll feel more comfortable with the idea that you’ll be honest when you ARE interested…. aaaaaand saying things like ‘i know how to be safe and this is where i could tested’ will make them feel a lot better too, prolly. 

Kristin Says:

Here’s the thing. You say, “No, I am not having sex,” and your parents hear, “I AM HAVING SEX AND I JUST DON’T WANT TO TELL YOU.” This is the way that parents’ ears work. I don’t even think they can help it.

What I would do is very similar to what Dannielle suggested. I would sit them down to talk about talking about sex. Since you have brought up sex and they have gone totally haywire on you, you can now sit them down and knock their socks off by explaining yourself, your position, and your needs from them as parents. Kids can school parents, you guys. Your parents have never been your parents before, so they need a little help sometimes.

Say, “Listen, parents. I love you and I trust you, and I want to be able to come to you with questions and concerns. However, when I talk about sex you immediately think I am hiding something from you, and that makes me feel like I can’t approach you. I want to figure out a way where you can trust me and know that my questions don’t signal anything apart from me growing up and wanting to get information from the people I trust most.”

Their eyes will probably be real big and they won’t know what to say bc HOLY SH*T they raised a goddamn genius. Then you can say, “Plus when I DO decide to have sex, I am probably not going to be able to call you in the moment with my questions and concerns because that would be totally weird…”

Then hopefully you will all laugh, and they will be able to approach things better in the future. Just be patient with them and remember that you can teach them how to be even better parents by being honest and patient and diligent in your efforts. Huzzah!

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Be honest, don’t drag it out, be kind and give her space. 

I know you will probably want to try and be friends because she’ll say that’s what she wants.. but you guys… no one wants that immediately out of the gates. You both need to take time after the break up to ACTUALLY DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS. Don’t hang around each other and have awkward moments where you both look at each other like you’re about to kiss and then you have to say ‘i should probably go’ … let the L Word handle all that okay? 

I think not dragging it out is the most important, tell her now, don’t lead her on. We all, as human beings, deserve to know the feelings of the person we love. If you’re not feeling it just tell her. It hurts so much more when you find out your person has felt like the relationship was over LONG BEFORE she told you. It makes your heart turn into nacho cheese and fall out of your butt. 

Be nice to her. It’s going to hurt. 

Kristin Says:

You can also go into it knowing that after it hurts, it creates strength and knowledge that we all need in order to grow as people. Now, if you look at her and say, “this will make you a stronger and smarter person someday,” she will, justifiably, throw a piano at your head. So, what I am saying is - understand for yourself that despite hurting her now, you being honest, truthful, firm and respectful is the absolute best thing that you can do for both of you.

Tell her that you love her, but that you know that your relationship is not going to work because of reasons that cannot be changed. DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE, “I’m mostly sure that we can’t make this work,” or “I can’t imagine my life without you,” or “Maybe we can still get dinner on Thursdays.” You being wishy washy equals her hearing that you are only partly breaking up with her - and that is going to hurt her more, and for a much longer time.

I have had my fair share of long-term breakups, and while I still did manage through them, I am of the opinion that, when you know something is not working, you have to rip it off like a bandaid. She will listen to music and cry, she will cook dinner and cry, she will talk to her friends and cry, she will think that the world is over - because, truthfully, that is how a broken heart feels - she will get angry and do things that she is embarrassed about, and she will eventually start to heal.

Remember that the love you had isn’t undone by your actions now, and if anything, your love is strengthened by being real, and by taking care of her through your honesty. It will hurt you too, just as much and in different ways.

Breathe, speak, breathe, walk away, keep breathing.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

OMGGGGG. This is literally the most embarrassing thing on the planet earth and probably other planets also. 

I would LOVE to tell you to just talk to your dad, but I know for a fact that if I were in your shoes, I would be scared to death to do that. I would honestly probably just ignore it forever. I mean… knowing my relationship with my pops now, now that I’m older and more MATURE AND A GROWN UP *dusts off shoulder* I think I would be like ‘soooo this is awkward’ and my dad would be like ‘daughter, ya know, yah beezniss is yah beezniss’ and then we’d eventually talk about how he doesn’t understand the internet and he thought he was in his email the whole time… 

This might not be how it’ll go down with your dad, but I give you permission to pretend it never happened. The number of teenage boys who’s parents have walked in on them in the throws of passion with their own body parts is OVERWHELMING, and I can almost guarantee they never talk about it ever again bc MY GOD THAT’S AWKWARD. I realize this is a little different, your father disrespected you privacy, he knows your gay, he saw your girlf nakey. HOWEVER, I think you being gay is a totally separate thing and you should tackle that subject however you’d tackle it HAD HE NOT checked your email. Don’t leave your shit signed in anymore, change your passwords, move on with your life and talk to your dad about being gay because he’s your dad and you love him, not because he snooped. 

Kristin Says:

MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY.

Just kidding… but holy jesus, yeah, that is the worst thing. Here’s the flip side to the embarrassing part, though: in a few months, neither of you will have this horrible thing fresh in your brains anymore, and you’ll be able to argue about regular daughter-dad things like your curfew and which college you want to go to and who is going to do the dishes. I promise. The first item needs TIME.

The second issue here, that your pops disrespected your privacy, is a different story and needs attention. If you feel like you can’t talk to your dad face to face (especially in light of the recent naked-pix-trauma), then I suggest writing a letter. It is important that you let him know three things 1) That you are a grown person who needs privacy, 2) That you know sometimes it is hard to talk about these things, but he should always ask you questions and talk to you instead of snooping, and 3) That you are gay and you’d like to talk to him about how he feels about that, and how you feel about that, etc. Tell him he can write you back if it is easier, or just talk to you when he’s ready, and that there is no pressure for it to be RIGHT NOW.

At the end of the letter, draw a cartoon naked boobs along the lines of:

Love, Daughter

PS: ( . )( . )

…hahahahah you guys just kidding. Also, though, maybe it could be funny and break the ice? Maybe? No?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

“Ey girl, I’m about to change my relaysh status on Facebook, you want summa this?”

or

“we dating or what? facebook wants to know”

or

“Look I asked a question on everyoneisgay.com and they answered it!” show her your computer and open your eyes real wide and stare at her until she’s finished reading it and say “get it?”

Kristin Says:

Get down on one knee at your next dinner-date OR WHATEVER YOU KIDS DO THESE DAYS, and say, “I know it’s only been a few months, but I was wondering…” and then pull out a ring case and on the inside have a Facebook icon instead of a ring.