- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

What an AWESOME PROBLEM TO HAVE. 

“Hi i’m anonymous and my girlfriend is super hot and i love her body, HEEEELLLLP” 

K, I’m done making fun of you. 

I think you should talk more out loud about all the things you love about your girlf. AAAANNND talk to her about the parts of your body she loves. BECAUSE HERE IS THE THING, you’re jealous that her body is perfect for you, but your body is probably also perfect for her. Does that make sense? She loves your thighs, your back dimples, your stomach, your clavicle, etc. and you’re not even thinking about how awesome those parts of you are, because you’re too busy loving every part of her. 

Look at yourself, appreciate yourself, love yourself. We are all so perfect in our own little ways. BTW if you do have this conversation with her, and the two of you talk about all the things you love about one another’s bodies… YOU WILL FEEL SO GREAT ABOUT YOU… aaaaaand you’ll probably end up making out AND STUFF. 

Kristin Says:

Hear, hear.

I think that you should absolutely have those above conversations, and I think that your girlfriend’s image of you is crucial to understanding how beautiful you truly are —- but I also think that you should think more about why you are unhappy with your own body. 

If you just love the way her waist bends and the way her boobs boob, then you are viewing specific parts of her body’s form which you can’t necessarily achieve for yourself (because you have your own waist bends and your boobs boob in their own unique way), but if you are like, “Man, her waist is a little flatter than mine and I like that,” or “I wish my thighs were a little more firm,” then this might also be about you wanting to start exercising or eating better or becoming more active so that you can feel healthier instead of aiming to look “as good as” your boo.

Does that make sense?

If this is about how your curves and bends make you appealing to her - then all you need to do is express those feelings you have and use conversation (and making out) to help you build on that confidence for yourself. If you think that part of that jealousy is coming from you wanting to be more motivated in the path toward being healthy - then this is a combination approach: talk to her about your feelings, and also make positive changes in your own life (and perhaps you can make them together!) so that you begin to also feel more centered for yourself.

Tadaaaaa.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Get a needle and stick her boob. 

If it starts to squirt water, it’s fake. If it starts to squirt blood, you are prolly getting broken up with. 

Kristin Says:

That was my first thought.

Alternately, you could tell her that you just found out you have a deathly allergy to silicone, explaining that “it shouldn’t matter much because you’re never around silicone anyway,” and then nonchalantly grab for her boobs.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I think everyone has a complicated relationship with their body?? Right!? Everyone has too much or too little of too many things. Boobs, butts, thighs, nose cartilage, knuckle hair, etc. We all have things about ourselves we don’t like or only sometimes like. HERE IS WHAT I THINK.

I think you should be okay with the fact that you’re uncomfortable sometimes because the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up for having emotions. It makes everything so much more complicated when we try to force ourselves to feel something we’re not feeling. SO, recognize that you feel those things and then talk about why you feel those things. Is it because you feel unhealthy or because you don’t look like Ashely Benson #prettylittleliar ?! If it’s because you don’t look like [favey celeb] then have a conversation in your head about why you love that person. Chances are, you don’t love that person because of all the ways they are like you. You know? You love them because of all the things about them that are DIFFERENT. The same way you will love the differences about yourself. 

SECONDLYMOST. Start to congratulate yourself on things that are great about you. I used to do this (i’m not kidding), I would look in the mirror and say ‘you have great hair’ and ‘your eyes are so pretty!’ and when I started to take care of myself a little more, I’d be like ‘NICE SHOES DANNIELLE’ and ‘Dannielle, your skin is really clearing up, good job on not eatin chzzz!’ IT SOUNDS SILLY BUT IT WORKS. If you focus on the things you love about yourself, you’ll feel a lot more confident and the things that were making you feel self-conscious before, won’t take over! 

Kristin Says:

Yoga was my answer.

I know that sounds a little oversimplified and it might not be the answer for everyone, but doing yoga was what made me understand my body as a body and not as an image.

Before I explain my yoga-body-concept further let me also tell you that I have PLENTY of days where I wake up and try on all the clothes in my closet and everything looks shitty and my stomach curves push through my shirt and my future-face-jowls look too prominent and my short legs look even shorter than usual and I throw a fit and cry and hate myself. I think it is normal to have days where all of our emotions congregate around our body image and we feel awful. Those days should be balanced, though, with a much larger awareness of our actual self and an appreciation for our actual body and not our body as we perceive it in those moments of weakness. 

I found the balance that you are seeking when I began to understand my body as skin and bones that wrapped around myself in a way that was unique to me. Yoga allowed me to feel mentally balanced and helped me to appreciate my skin, my muscles, and myself. Feeling how my breath is connected to my brain is connected to my muscles and organs - it gave me a clearer and fuller picture of what it is to be a human. I know that when people love me, it isn’t because of the way my stomach looks on Tuesday… it is because of who I am, how I carry myself, and how I understand myself.

Find what brings you to your center and do more of that. Focus on the reasons you appreciate other people and apply that to yourself. Be patient on the days and in the moments that you lose your footing and become disgusted with your appearance, but allow yourself the room and the peace to find moments where you really, really like parts of yourself - or, on the best days, where you really, really like your whole self.

Also featured in “The Hook-Up” on MTVAct and MTV’s It’s Your Sex Life

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I think you should focus on the positive when you’re talking to your parents. When they’re like ‘are you strappin down your rack because you wanna be a boy?’ and you scream ‘I DONT WANNA BE A BOY’ … even though it isn’t defensive, it sounds that way. IIIIIIIII know you just don’t really know what to say to that because it’s such a weird question (i mean, when it comes down to it, what does gender really have to do with boobs?? we could talk for hours about that…)  BUT WE DON’T TALK TO OUR PARENTS ABOUT THAT YOU GUYS. So, like i said, it sounds sort of defensive and they automatically think you’re hiding something.

So focus on the positive. Tell them that smaller boobies make you more comfortable and why. You want to be able to wear the clothes you like, you want to feel more confident bc your boobies shouldn’t have to be your body’s center piece, your back hurts less, you can dance way harder, you don’t feel judged immediately… etc. I had a friend who got a breast reduction surgery when she was 18, and because she communicated the positive effects of the surgery to her parents, they totally supported her and were so happy for her when she got it done. Her self esteem has SOARED since then (and she totally has a husband and gets manicures…#stereotypicalgirlstuff)

ALSO PUNKY BREWSTER DID IT.

I think parents are more understanding than we give them credit for… as long as you’re being open with them and they can understand why you’re doing the things you’re doing, they get it. We just freak out on our insides and feel like they won’t get it, so we yell and scream. 

Kristin Says:

OMG PUNKY BREWSTER TOTALLY DID IT.

First off - no, you are not abnormal for binding your boobs. I f*cking hate my boobs, you guys. They drive me insane, they weigh like a million pounds each (approximately), and they annoy me and make me feel gross at least 50% of the time. I’m not sure why I’m not binding my own boobs, honestly.

My relationship with my boobs has zero to do with my sexuality. It’s a body thing for me, and it also has nothing to do with my gender identity. I think there are a lot of people who feel like you, and I think it is awesome that you are doing things to make yourself feel more comfortable in your own skin.

As far as your parents are concerned, I think you just tell it to them like it is - and just like Dannielle said, do it in a calm, even manner. Explain to them that you understand why they might associate boob-binding with gender identity, since it is most commonly shown to the world through a transgender lens, but that for you that isn’t the case, and that if you were questioning your identity you would let them know.

We all have really specific relationships with our own bodies, and learning how to navigate that and how to make ourselves feel comfortable is an awesome thing. YOU ARE DOING GREAT. 

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

OMGGGGG. This is literally the most embarrassing thing on the planet earth and probably other planets also. 

I would LOVE to tell you to just talk to your dad, but I know for a fact that if I were in your shoes, I would be scared to death to do that. I would honestly probably just ignore it forever. I mean… knowing my relationship with my pops now, now that I’m older and more MATURE AND A GROWN UP *dusts off shoulder* I think I would be like ‘soooo this is awkward’ and my dad would be like ‘daughter, ya know, yah beezniss is yah beezniss’ and then we’d eventually talk about how he doesn’t understand the internet and he thought he was in his email the whole time… 

This might not be how it’ll go down with your dad, but I give you permission to pretend it never happened. The number of teenage boys who’s parents have walked in on them in the throws of passion with their own body parts is OVERWHELMING, and I can almost guarantee they never talk about it ever again bc MY GOD THAT’S AWKWARD. I realize this is a little different, your father disrespected you privacy, he knows your gay, he saw your girlf nakey. HOWEVER, I think you being gay is a totally separate thing and you should tackle that subject however you’d tackle it HAD HE NOT checked your email. Don’t leave your shit signed in anymore, change your passwords, move on with your life and talk to your dad about being gay because he’s your dad and you love him, not because he snooped. 

Kristin Says:

MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY.

Just kidding… but holy jesus, yeah, that is the worst thing. Here’s the flip side to the embarrassing part, though: in a few months, neither of you will have this horrible thing fresh in your brains anymore, and you’ll be able to argue about regular daughter-dad things like your curfew and which college you want to go to and who is going to do the dishes. I promise. The first item needs TIME.

The second issue here, that your pops disrespected your privacy, is a different story and needs attention. If you feel like you can’t talk to your dad face to face (especially in light of the recent naked-pix-trauma), then I suggest writing a letter. It is important that you let him know three things 1) That you are a grown person who needs privacy, 2) That you know sometimes it is hard to talk about these things, but he should always ask you questions and talk to you instead of snooping, and 3) That you are gay and you’d like to talk to him about how he feels about that, and how you feel about that, etc. Tell him he can write you back if it is easier, or just talk to you when he’s ready, and that there is no pressure for it to be RIGHT NOW.

At the end of the letter, draw a cartoon naked boobs along the lines of:

Love, Daughter

PS: ( . )( . )

…hahahahah you guys just kidding. Also, though, maybe it could be funny and break the ice? Maybe? No?