Dannielle Says: 

You know, my biological father was super distant during my childhood. I didn’t see him AT ALL from ages 2-7, spent a year with him, and then saw him maybe a week out of every year until I was about 11. Then when I was 12 he just completely stopped trying to contact me. 

My mom married the coolest man on earth when I was 13 and I didn’t even realize how cool he was until I was about 18. That dude adopted me and it was the best thing in the world. So now, in my adult years, I have a legit dad and he rules, but let me tell you something. I have absolutely no desire to be with a man. The absence of my bio-father has nothing to do with the fact that I love chicks, the same way the intensities I went through with my mother has nothing to do with the fact that I like chicks. 

In fact, I get LEGIT annoyed when people are like ‘this person didn’t have a dad so she really loves her boyfriend’ …it’s like…i understand not being cared for and supported may put you in a place where you depend on who you love a little more than you’d like to, but it does not effect what gender you are attracted to. 

You are attracted to who you are attracted to, you will fall in love with who you fall in love with, you will bone the people you want to bone. Plain and simple. I’m not saying your past has NO effect on your now, but I highly doubt you will settle down and spend your life with someone you only like bc you wished your mom had been around more. That doesn’t even make total sense to me. #justsayin

Kristin Says: 

TAKE THAT SIGMUND FREUD.

Here’s the thing.  I do think that Dannielle makes a valid point up there; it is quite a stretch to say that that the gender of person we are attracted to is directly tied to things that happened with our mom or our dad or Aunt Lucille.  Sure, every social experience we have from the day we are born stacks up into a crazy pile of things that ping around in our brains and spit out our personalities and wants and needs and hates and tastes and WHATEVER, but your sexuality being unequivocally tied to your Mom alone is unlikely.

Even if we were to play devil’s advocate, though, and approach this from a place where your Mom being distant is actually the root (via But I’m A Cheerleader) of why you are sexually and emotionally attracted to women.  Guess what?  …It still does not (and will not) change the fact that you are sexually and emotionally attracted to women.

If you are beginning to understand more about your relationship with your mom now that you have exited your teens, and you want to talk to her about it, or just write about it or deal with it in a way that will help you reconcile those feelings, then you should absolutely do so.  If you are looking to ‘blame’ your mom for your sexuality, though, or if you are thinking that in resolving your mom-issues you are going to suddenly start liking peeniewoos (IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE USED THAT WORD), then you are barking up the wrong tree of psychoanalysis.

You should work to mend your relationship with your mom as best you can if that is what YOU want to do…but as far as your sexuality is concerned, it is not going to help anyone (most importantly, you) to place blame or ownership on someone else.  Regardless of the ‘why,’ you like ladies. We know that it can be scary and confusing and a million other things, but you are here. 

So, here you are.