“How do you feel about arguments? Or getting mad at your girlfriend a lot?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I mean. I hate them.

I understand little meaningless bickering after you’ve been dating someone for a long time, but having legit fights and getting mad all the time is super unhealthy in my opinion. 

I meannnnnnn, I guess I’m different from a lot of people, but the only relationship I’ve ever been in where I was legit mad at my gf all the time and we always fought, I felt like shit constantly. I was stressed out, my head was constantly throbbing, my overall self-worth was down the drain and I just didn’t feel like I could see straight. The feeling of being angry is the worst feeling in the world. At least sadness you can combat with chocolate and grey’s anatomy. When you’re actually MAD at someone, there’s a fury in your chest you can’t talk yourself out of, you want them to know you’re mad, you want them to feel that you’re mad, you want to get back at them two times over. 

Being mad at someone A LOT?!?! I don’t know how people can do it. I never could. Cuz like, why would you want to feel like that all the time? When you’re in a relationship the good should outweigh the bad, period.

Kristin Says:

I am going to mostly agree and a tiny bit disagree with Dannielle.

I do believe that you should be feeling good much more than you feel bad in your relationship. That is a super, super important litmus test in gauging how healthy the dynamic is between you and your boo. If you are fighting or sad or angry or upset more than you are happy and growing and excited… that ain’t good.

I think that if you are getting mad and having arguments, and those arguments include conversations where you both look at the situation and say, ‘Why was I mad and what can I do differently next time so that we don’t have this fight,’ and you use those experiences to grow together, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you and your boo have to learn each other a bit, and that can be a rocky journey. If it’s rocky and you feel yourself growing as a person and as a team, that can be a positive thing.

Also. It’s like. I’m Italian and I grew up in a household where people were loud and said what they felt and were totally okay butting heads over shit and then sharing a cannoli. That’s a small exaggeration, but my point is that I am a person who is comfortable getting heated and being a little loud and talking shit out at a high volume. Not all people are okay with that, and so you have to check in with yourself and look at how these ‘arguments’ really feel to you.

Growing through disagreements is one thing… fighting all the time and finding that you are upset more than you are happy in your relationship is most certainly not a good thing. It’s as simple as that.

Filed under advice arguments fights girlfriend relationships drama chocolate grey's anatomy italian

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Personal Post Paturday

Dannielle Says: 

You guys, it was 16 degrees two days ago…and now it’s 52 degrees. 

And…some people don’t believe in global warming. 

When I was in high school and we were learning about global warming and what not I remember seeing cans of aerosol spray…so for a REALLY LONG TIME, i was convinced that hair spray was the only thing that caused Global Warming…Which made life REAL difficult when I would be in plays and we would use full cans of aquanet…ugh…I can’t believe I basically caused Global Warming. 

Remember AquaNet, you guys?

Also, I’ve been watching a lot of shows about murder lately. There’s this channel called INVESTIGATION DISCOVERY that I literally can’t stop watching. It’s great bc they’ll show pictures of the real people in the middle of the dramatizations and sometimes THEY’RE REALLY CLOSE. But also, there are so many murderers, you guys… soooo many. I’m glad they’re getting caught and stuff, but i meaaaan, I’m convinced everyone is going to murder everyone else bc like LITERALLY HOW ARE THERE SO MANY STORIES ABOUT MURDERS?!?!?! 

Kristin Says:

You guys. About two months ago or something I was like, ‘Dannielle, I think people love it when we tell one story during Personal Post Paturday, what do you think?” And she was like, “OMG, totally.”  Then for a few weeks we both tried to tell one story. So, when I woke up this morning and read her post, I laughed so hard because today her one story is: Once upon a time the weather was weird, and then global warming, and also hairspray, and by the way murder stories.

I love this bitch, you know?!

Aaaaaanyway, I just sat in this bed for about five minutes trying to think of a story to tell you, and the more I thought about it the more I thought about how comfortable my bed is, so…I am just going to tell you something I know you will find compelling and rich: THIS CHRISTMAS I GOT A GODDAMN FEATHER BED TO GO ON TOP OF MY MATTRESS.

I don’t want anyone to worry about how goddamn comfortable a feather bed makes your whole goddamn life, but it is basically like sleeping atop a cloud made of love and sunshine dust. Not only am I enjoying it, but Trey (my cat)(do any of you not know that at this point?) is flipping over the MOON. Every morning when I wake up he is sunk so deep into the feathers that all I can see are his ears.

Below is a slight dramatization of what I mean:

Happy Saturday, gaybeans!!

Filed under news global warming environment personal investigation discovery murder drama love stories christmas feathers comfortable cat

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I don't want to be "normal" like everyone else in High School, but I do want to "fit in". Where is the line?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

Dude. I feel like it’s impossible. 

I mean, when I look back on high school i’m like ‘i guess the popular girls were nice to me, hottie boys were pretty nice to me, i talked to nerdy kids, i did the drama thing, i had a crush on a swimmer, no one HATED me…really, but it sucked so bad” 

I legit COULDN’T STAND high school. I had a few friends that had my back and that was awesome, but i wasn’t invited to parties, didn’t go out on the weekends, and never felt liked. I never felt like anyone thought I was cool, I never felt like anyone wanted to be my friend and I never felt like I fit in. 

But I got the fuck over it bc I realized everyone was kind of obsessed with status and all I wanted to do was sing musicals with my friend, Brynn…and that’s what I did…literally, my senior year consisted of Brynn and I singing Batboy! The Musical in my car, making up dance moves to LaLaine songs (miranda from lizzie mcguire) and eating Jr. Whoppers…

srsly you guys…that was when i was happiest. When I was finally like FUCK IT, IMMA DO WHAT I WANT. It doesn’t matter what other people think, it really doesn’t. Just have fun, do dumb shit and dance…always dance…BECAUSE Here’s the thing. When you look back on high school do you want to say ‘man, all i remember is not feeling like i fit in’ or do you wanna say ‘i didn’t really fit in, but i still remember the dance my best friend and i made up to YOU WISH BY LALAINE’

BC I CHOOSE OPTION TWO. ##everytimeastarfallsfromtheskyyouwish

Kristin Says:

Here is the thing about “normal” vs “fitting in,” you ready?

Normal is an imaginary thing based on how many people are doing a certain thing at a certain time.  If in the year 2011, two hundred million people are eating breaded chicken while watching American Idol, then that’s ‘normal.’  If in the year 2056, three hundred million people are eating rutabaga salads while practicing their macarena-salsa fusion dance mix…then that is normal.  Normal is a pile of bullshit, because most people just do ‘normal’ things because it is all they know or all they see.

Fuck normal.

Fitting in, however, is a little bit of a different ballgame, because you can always fit in somewhere, regardless of how ‘normal’ you are…you just have to find the people who want to do the things you like, and who understand who you are without judging how that aligns with who everyone else is.  When I was in high school I did theater, and the people who did theater with me…they fucking got it, you know?  No one had to do the same things, we were all just a bunch of kids who were exploring what it meant to be an adult person with crazy feelings.  One year I wore black velvet dresses with combat boots, and the next I wore grandpa sweaters from the salvation army.  Regardless of what I was wearing, I always fit in with the theater kids.

What I am trying to say is, the line between ‘normal’ and ‘fitting in’ is being true to yourself.  If you are true to yourself, you will find a group of people (whether that is one person or seventeen) who love you for you, period.  You will ‘fit in’ with people who don’t ask you to change or conform to their ideals. 

(Hint: Look for the group of kids who are laughing their asses off together in the hallways, who are wearing mismatched everything, who get stares from teachers and parents, but who continue to say what they believe and dress and do what they want.  Those are usually the kids who won’t ask you to be ‘normal,’ but who will accept you as you are.)

Filed under advice normal fit in high school complicated drama swimmer nerd theater salvation army teachers

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D&K, is it a bad idea to get involved with a girl who's got a lot of baggage? I really like her but she's got some serious drama from the past (that always finds a way of reaching the present if you know what I mean). Thanks guys!

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

BUTTT IIII’VE GOT BAAAAAAGGAGE EMOTIONAL BAAAAAAGGGAGE A PLANE LOAD OF DRAAAGAGE THAT CAUSES MUCH SAAAAAAGAGE *EVERYBODY* WE’VE GOT BAGGGGAGE… 

That was a quote from one my favorite off-broadway musicals I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE. 

Everyone has baggage you guys. We all have different bags with different handles, but we all have it. My baggage comes in the form of crying for 3 hours straight after seeing Country Strong and not saying a single word. Your baggage may come in the form of you saying everything that’s gone wrong in your life within the first week of knowing me. And that makes us different…and that is OKAY.

You guys, we’re all going through life, we all get fucked over, we all make really shitty mistakes, we all keep it inside, we all explode, we all cry hysterically, we all can’t breathe sometimes, we all feel like a waste of space, we all can’t be in a good relationship…until we can. Does that make sense? When she/you/we is/are ready to be awesome in an awesome relationship, she/you/we will be. And it will be awesome. 

If you like her, you like her, keep liking her…don’t decide she has too many issues before you’ve even given her a chance…you don’t know the details, and like, what if you’re supposed to spend your life with her and you totally miss out bc you’re like ‘she’s dramatic…’ 

you know?

Kristin Says:

Well here is a great example of a question that we just can’t really answer for you, Anonymous.  It’s like…when I like a girl I like the girl because I like the girl, and if she comes with some stuff that is built up from living this crazy life, it doesn’t typically phase me because I just need to have the girl.

I would never be able to use logical reasoning in the first stages of falling for someone, which is why falling for someone is so nutty.  Actually.  Let me rephrase that…because I would probably be able to use my logic to not get involved with someone who was a heroin user, or who beat their kids, or who thought that white people were better than black people.  I am assuming, however, that by “baggage,” you mean that this girl isn’t emotionally perfect and that you are unsure about how that will fit with you.

So, even though I said before that I couldn’t tell you what to do, I am going to now tell you what to do.  Kiss her face and kiss her face real good, and then get all wobbly kneed and go on a few dates and maybe even touch her boobs or WHATEVER.  If, as you start to get to know her more, her emotional shit is dragging you down, THAT is when you have to take a step back and assess the situation.  Talk to her about your concerns.  Maybe she will want to talk it out with you and try to make it work, maybe she will fly into a rage and break all of your Precious Moments figurines that your grandma gave you…you won’t know until you are there, and if she breaks your figurines you have to be strong and FIGURINE HER OUT OF THE PICTURE. #dumbjokewednesday

Seriously though.  It’s like…if you KNOW this girl is totally not good for you already, then don’t even ask us the question.  Don’t get involved.  If you really like her and you have concerns, though, just take it one step at a time.

Okay? Okay.

Filed under advice baggage suitcase drama off broadway musical boobs

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