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  • "How can I be brave?"

    -Question submitted by Anonymous

    Dannielle Says: 

    Wanna know who has two thumbs and isn’t brave at all? THIS GUY *points to self with thumbs* 

    I never was brave or confident or strong or knowledgable of what I wanted. All of those things can make for a big scary stew of confusion. I didn’t all of a sudden wake up one morning and feel awesome, it took time. 

    I think you should figure out what things in life make you feel awesome. We all have some, even if it’s just one or two teeny tiny things. For me, I felt awesome when I was alone in my room learning songs on the guitar. I felt awesome when I was with my best friend talking about improv. I felt awesome when I was learning a new recipe. I felt awesome when I was riding my bike. Now here’s the trick. I WASN’T GOOD AT PLAYING GUITAR and I’M NOT THE SMARTEST IMPROVISOR and I’M NOT THE GREATEST COOK and I CAN’T RIDE MY BIKE THE FASTEST…. however… I loved doing those things. So I did more of them. The more I did the things I loved doing, the better I felt about trying new things. 

    AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT…I used to literally have panic attacks in groups of people I didn’t know. I would stand in a room full of people I didn’t know and I’d be leaning against a wall on the verge of tears and barely able to breathe. But I talked myself out of it. It was hard, but I did it. I went to events over and over and over and over and felt uncomfortable and scared and I hated it for YEARS…until I didn’t hate it anymore. I just got used it. Did I love it? No. I still don’t love it. But I got used to it. Which I think is pretty much how life works. You push through the stuff you hate until you’re used to it, you do more of the stuff you love and most importantly you have to look for a good balance. Do the things that scare you the most. You don’t want to be 90 and thinking ‘wow, I wish i would have done all these things’ you want to be 90 and thinking ‘I did a bunch of stupid shit when I was young, but at least I had a blast.’

    Kristin Says:

    How can any of us be brave, really?

    The truth of the matter, anonymous, is that life, and our relationship to it, is a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. Right now, perhaps, you are feeling scared and like you don’t have the courage or confidence to do the things that you want to do with your life. I understand, and I have been there. To be totally honest, I am there, right at this very moment.

    I am scared about many things in my life, I am scared that I haven’t grown enough to face the challenges that now face me, I worry about my future and if I can hold onto the seedlings of confidence that I have slowly and cautiously collected over the past years. A few weeks ago I felt on top of the world; today I feel doubtful and unsure. Life is, at all times, uncertain. 

    Let me tell you, though, what I have learned in the past decade or so of my experiences. I have learned that when we want to grow and to be brave, we move forward a few steps and back a few. To be brave, you have to force yourself to face the things that scare you, and know that sometimes you will face them and surprise yourself with your ability to overcome them, and other times you will run, trip, stumble and cry. Those reactions are all equal parts of you growing into being a stronger and braver person. When you stumble, remember that you are still growing. Remember that the next time you may surprise yourself.

    Remember that the best way to be brave is to never stop trying, to always be patient, and to never, ever stop believing in yourself.

  • Webcast 51, fooooools.

    1. Should I come out at work?
    2. Are rebounds good or bad?

  • You guys!

    If you live in Austin, or if you ever travel to Austin (WHICH YOU SHOULD), you must make it a priority to visit Boulin Creek Cafe. Why, you ask?! Here are two good reasons:

    1. THEY HAVE THE BEST FOOD, THE BEST BEER, AND THE BEST BAKED SWEET GOODS #sick THIS SIDE OF ANYWHERE. Seriously. Vegans and vegetarians, get excited, because the menu is flipping superb and totally geared toward the non-meat eater. Seriously. Delicious. We want to go back right this minute.

    2. Bouldin Creek is the reason that Everyone Is Gay (that’s us) was able to hold a free, public event at UT Austin in March. They took a chunk of their hard-earned dollars and put it toward helping fuel our efforts and our event. We can never thank them enough, but here is a feeble attempt at thanking them as much as we know how.

    {imagine Kristin and Dannielle dancing to the song thank you by Natalie Merchant}

    So. Let them know that you love them, go and eat their food, eat their brownies, wheeee!! Oh! And check out the Everyone Is Gay sticker and safe space sticker on their front door! Bew bew bew!!!

    <3 Kristin and Dannielle

  • "My past relationships have been with girls with whom I would have super fabulous and interesting conversations with. That is, until we started dating. Within two months the initial "I like you" "I like you too", the majority of our conversations became versions of "I miss you" and "I love you" and the time we spent together centered around sexitime. Mind you, neither of us disliked that time, but it frustrated us that our conversation deteriorated so. This has happened multiple times - thoughts?!"

    -Question submitted by Anonymous

    Dannielle Says: 

    OOOH SET UP DATE NIGHTS!! 

    I know what you mean, you get home, you cuddle, you eat pizza and watch Grey’s Anatomy, you bone, you go to sleep. IT’S JUST LIFE

    however… I think that if once every other day you make dinner and make a point to sit at the table and talk about how your days were, how your life is, when you talked to your parents last… you know what i mean!?

    Ask her questions, bring up things you heard at work, plan things, create fun stuff. If you both want to talk more just do it! You can even make up games where you use scrabble letters and have to make up words and you both have to explain what the words mean, and have themes each time. SO LIKE, make up fake words that all have to be scientific theories on how the earth came to be… you  know?

    I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

    Kristin Says:

    Yes yes yes yes yes I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

    My theory on solving this issue runs parallel to Dannielle’s, but I would like to add that you should plan date nights outside of your home(s). I find that when I am in my own space or a space that I am comfortable in, it is much easier to fall into the old routine, click on a movie, or just get absorbed by phone/internet/email/sexitime.

    Now. Sexitime is IMPORTANT time when it comes to my life, but of equal importance are the conversations that occur when I am outside of my comfort elements with the person I love. Pick a date night every week, and do things. Go to a museum followed by getting ice cream from an ice cream truck. Pack a picnic and take it to the park. Go on a walk to a new neighborhood and explore. Hit as many thrift stores you can find in one afternoon.

    You don’t have to plan for anything apart from that weekly time out of your normal element. The conversations that automatically and organically happen in those spaces are always interesting and unexpected. Stick to it as though your life depends on it, because those weekly moments with each other will be what create the foundation for your relationship moving forward.

    Also, my fake scrabble word would be Hyriindshorn. It would be the theory of the world beginning when a rhinoceras headbutted a yellow flower on the neighboring planet, splintering off a piece of land that fell into the milkyway, gathering matter as it went, until it became the planet Earth.

    You’re welcome.

  • "How do you compare attraction vs. attractiveness?"

    -Question submitted by Anonymous


    Dannielle Says: 

    Attraction: I have a boner.

    Attractiveness: I could understand how someone might get a boner.

    Kristin Says:

    Yup.

    #boner #otherboner #boom

  • "My girlfriend prioritizes everything over spending time with me. We barely spend any time together and it’s starting to make me really upset whenever I see her, like we’re not even together anymore. I broke down crying one day with her and tried to talk to her about it but she insists that she loves me. I love her so much, but I’m becoming really unhappy. I don’t know what to do."

    Question Submitted by Anonymous

    Dannielle Says: 

    YALL. I know we say to talk about everything all the time and you’re probably so over hearing it, BUT SRSLY THO… talk to her

    HERE’S THE THING ABOUT THIS TALX THO. Realize that she is already doing the things in her mind that prove to you that she loves you. Saying things like ‘it doesn’t seem like you care about me’ or ‘you don’t love me as much as i love you’ or ‘i feel like you’re breaking up with me’ … those kinds of things can make her feel REAL BAD and REAL GUILTY and REAL DEFENSIVE. 

    Be aware that the two of you are different people who show love in different ways and the goal here is not to change her NOR IS IT TO CHANGE YOU, it is to find a comfortable spot where you’re both happy. Tell her that you love her and respect all of the things that she loves to do, tell her you understand that you need different things than she does in a relationship and you want to find a way for both of you to be happy. Right now, the thing that you need the most is a little more of her time. Start slow, maybe you plan which nights you’ll sleep over, maybe there will be two days a week that are ‘lover-only days,’ maybe you just talk on the phone a little longer on the days she’s SUPER busy. Maybe it means you’ll read ‘hunger games’ out loud to her over skype every night before the two of you fall asleep???

    Who knows WHAT YOU’LL SETTLE ON, but it’s important you two can talk about your feelings, agree on a compromise and find some things that she can commit to and that make you happy without making either of you COMPLETELY change.

    Kristin Says:

    First off, I absolutely forbid calling any days, “lover-only days.”

    Secondly, you are talking about two very different things here. One is how much your girl loves you, and the other is how she shows that love to you. It is very possible to love the holy hell out of someone and not know how to show it to them in the ways that they need, which may be exactly what is happening here. When you say to your girl, “I feel you don’t prioritize the time we spend together,” and she says, “I love you, how can you not know that,” you can say, “I DO know that you love me, but I am telling you that something that I need very much is to see you more, and to feel like that time is also important to you.”

    Her job, as your girlfriend, is to listen to the things that are making you unhappy, and work together with you so that you can both find common ground and meet each other in a place where you are happy. You deserve that. You deserve to feel that the time you spend with the person you love is important to them.

    You should have that talk, and like D said, you should assure her that you know she loves you, so that she won’t feel the need to get defensive. Be kind and direct, and be sure of yourself: you are asking for something reasonable and shouldn’t feel otherwise.

    Lastly, if you have this talk with her and she gets defensive anyway, and makes you feel that your requests are unreasonable, remember that is not okay. Being in a relationship should be something that makes you grow, makes you smile, and makes you strong. Anything short of that is not healthy.

    Here is a picture of you being strong:

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