Dannielle Says:

I mean, honestly, just write the book like you would any other book with any other character regardless of who their boning. Seriously, THINK about it, how different would Harry Potter REALLY be if he wanted to bone Ron’s brother instead of Ron’s sister? Not at all, he could literally act the exact same way and no one would be like ‘HE’S NOT GAY ENOUGH’ you know??

Or like would it really be THAT unbelievable if Frodo was gay in Lord of the Rings? I mean, would you be AT ALL SURPRISED if in Rogue and Storm got together in X-Men?? Would it be beyond comprehension if Katniss had a thing for Johanna in The Hunger Games??? What if Jacob and Edward ended up in love #twilight??

You guys…everyone is gay… Not like everyone is homosexi, but like, we are  all just people who bone people… you know? Write your book the way you would write any other book, with any other lead character and name the love interest something totally gender-neutral like…Taylor or Jamie or Brooklyn or Apple… It’s literally the switch of a pronoun, you’re not changing a character by making him or her GAY, you’re changing who the character is boning…and that’s really all.

Kristin Says:

Ay to the men. #amen

Insofar as character creation is concerned, creating a ‘gay’ character should run pretty parallel to any other character that you create…they have their hang-ups, they have their habits, they have their things, and most of those things are specific to the person, not to their sexuality.  As a matter of fact, their sexuality can be, simply enough, just one of those ‘things,’ you know?  When you say a ‘gay’ character, you should realize that you could be talking about a fireman named Ted who lost his son when he was a baby, or an architect named Susan who was married to a man for 10 years, or a playboy bunny named Tina who really wishes that her estranged brother would reach out to her so they could reconnect.  The variety is endless, and if you set out to create a ‘gay’ character, you are likely going to limit those possibilities.

Sure, of course, a character who is attracted to members of the same sex might have some confusion or hesitation or experiences that differ directly because of their sexuality, and if you are writing about a character who is being bullied or who is an LGBT activist, you may have to dig a bit deeper and find parallels between your own experiences and those of the character, but I imagine this is the case for any character, no?

My advice would be to pay attention to the intricacies of experience.  If your character is being bullied, try to find a moment in your own life when you felt like people were against you because of a part of who you were didn’t line up with what they wanted…I have to imagine that almost all of us have experienced at least a taste of that in our lives.  Be specific, allow your characters to be weak or strong or combative or total assholes.   Not every queer character has to be a pioneer, not every gay man has to face a bully, not every lesbian has to fall in love with her best friend.

Actually, scratch that.  Every lesbian has to fall in love with her best friend.  

Other than that, keep an open mind to possibility, okay?

Dannielle Says:

I’m going to quote my mom circa 1990, “You can be whatever you wanna be.”

Being gay is different for everyone. I TOTALLY know someone who is in love with a boy and still considers herself a lesbian. When it comes down to it, who cares? If you wanna call yourself bi,gay,str8,human,purple,kitten,juice,leather…do what you want. It’s a label made up to make things make a little more sense to people who don’t get it. 

So, you call yourself whatever you want and you love that boy harder than a baseball #thehardestthingicouldimagine #thatswhatshesaid

Your identity isn’t ‘gay,’ it doesn’t stop there. Your identity has to do with you as a person. Your morals, your ideas, your beliefs, your creativity, your dreams, your goals, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, what makes you feel really intense shit, what gets you fired up, how you love. Not who you love. Your identity is not based on the gender of the person you’re dating. It’s based on you. 

So, go out there, be gay and love that boy with your whole soul. YOU GUYS, if you figure out later that maybe you DON’T consider yourself gay, it’s not the end of the world. Promise.

Kristin Says:

#iagree

Dannielle Says:

Try “Hey ex-boyfriend, with whom I’m still pretty good friends, just because I’m a lesbian, that doesn’t mean our relationship was a mistake. I didn’t know when we were together that I was gay, but this isn’t a choice.”

See what I did there?? … Srsly you guys, most things in life are as simple as talking to the person and explaining exactly how you feel. If he doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get it, but that’s not your fault. Being in love with a girl now, doesn’t erase the fact that you were in love with a boy back in the day. The same way having a new girlf doesn’t erase the fact that you totes hearted your last girlf. People are people, regardless of gender, you were with him b/c you cared about him and you both love Rachel McAdams…but like… now you can talk about boning her instead of just her acting ability. you know?

You don’t have any control over his reaction, but if you’re as honest and open with him as you were with us, he should be fine. 

GO GET ‘EM TIGER (sorryisaidthat)

Kristin Says:

Okay, okay…listen here, Captain Gay-Gene.  The first thing that has to be clarified, is that this is not a debate about whether you were born with a tiny Tegan and Sara imprint on your left paw, or if you made the “choice” to have relationships with people of varying genders.  We get sooooo carried away in this country with arguing, “THIS WASN’T MY CHOICE SO BACK OFF,” but, what if it fucking was my choice?  What if Dannielle feels she were born gay and I feel like I choose to date women?  Does that make my life less coherent than Dannielle’s, or any less valid?

I know you just want a way to tell your boyfriend that his penis is just fine, and that you value the relationship that you had together.  As Dannielle illustrated earlier, you can simply say those things, exactly as you worded them above.  You don’t have to tell him that it is only the fault of your DNA that you don’t want to rub up against his man boobs anymore…it shouldn’t matter why.  Things change, clouds move, colors renew, and other various lyrics from Rent.  Okay?  

My reason for getting all fiery in the above tangle of words is this: when we argue that being gay isn’t our choice, we are also implicitly stating that if we could choose, we would choose to be straight.  For some of us, that might be true…but for those of us who believe that we should be free to love and kiss on whoever’s face we want, that can be a pretty hurtful claim.