“my math teacher makes a lot of jokes about gay people and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. i want to approach the situation without drawing attention to myself though, help?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

If I were you, I’d leave an anonymous letter for your teacher. Either on your desk or go to the front office with the letter and say ‘can you get this to DOCTOR POOPS (your teacher)’ and they’ll stuff it in teacho’s mailbox. 

I’m sure you’re not the only one affected by this and I’m sure everyone else feels the exact same way you feel. BUT we’re all so scared to stand up to our teachers for some reason. Which is why I suggest an anonymous letter. ORRR you can talk to a principal SLASH dean SLASH headmaster SLASH administrator SLASH WHATEVERMAHDOODLE about the situation and perhaps you can change your whole school for the better. 

It’s just like… it sucks that you have to say something in the first place, you shouldn’t, this teacher should know better BUT… if you don’t say anything and no one else says anything, this teacher will forever think it is okay to talk that way and more and more students will be forever alienated. Which is not fair TO ANYONE. 

Kristin Says:

This is when it becomes really important for you to have an ally of some kind who works at your school. If your science teacher from two years ago is someone who you know you can trust, that is who you should speak with first. Think about who has shown you and your classmates the most respect over the years - perhaps the teacher who heads the school’s GSA (if you have one), perhaps the English teacher who included gay history in his coverage of civil rights, perhaps the art teacher who has always been warm and welcoming to all of his students.

If you have someone like that, ask them if you can talk to them after class or after school one day. Explain what is happening in your math class, and that it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable, but that you don’t want for the school-at-large to know that you are the one complaining, so you’d like to remain anonymous. They will be able to help you take the next steps to make sure that this teacher knows that he is offending students.

Here’s the thing you guys. Teachers can be the most incredible, influential, inspiring people. They can also be the most ignorant, damaging, juvenile people. Just because someone is twenty years older than you doesn’t mean that you aren’t smart enough to make a difference, and certainly doesn’t mean that you should have to sit idly by as they hurt others. You most certainly are not the only one being hurt by this.

If you don’t have an ally anywhere in your school, email us and we will see if there’s any way that we can help: info [at] everyoneisgay [dot] com

Filed under advice jokes gay people doctor everyone is gay teachers anonymous

63 notes

“Two straight girl friends keep going to lesbian hang outs for jokes. I can’t decide whether i think this is really cool and want to ask to go along with them or really not cool and i should tell them being gay isn’t some game….”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I meannnn, I would prolly go with them and gauge their intentions. YOU GUYS, i’ve never had more fun in my life then when I was dancing to pussycat dolls one minute and the next minute making up hand motions to carrie underwood…. #lesbianbars

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with straighties enjoying themselves at gay bars. BUT I MEAN, if they’re going to make fun of lesbian haircuts, then they’re mean.. you know? HOWEVZIES if they were going to straight bars and making fun of boys wearing Ed Hardy tank tops, they would also be mean…people just wouldn’t be as mad about it??

THIS IS DIFFICULT.  Here is the thing, if they’re going to these bars out of meanness to just be mean and say mean things, then they are mean, and they deserve a talking to…but that’s the case no matter where they’re going and no matter who they’re making fun of..mean is mean is mean yalls, having fun is having fun is having fun…Sometimes i think if I repeat stuff it counts as advice. 

Go with them, feel it out, respond appropriately. 

Kristin Says:

Okay, allright, here is what I have to say to you about these straight girls.

These bitches really straight?!  What kind of ‘jokes’ are they playing at? How do you know that they don’t pretend that it is all fun and games when in reality they are obsessed with Santana from Glee and they spend hours trying not to like boobs?  These girls may be going to lesbian bars, ‘for jokes,’ but those jokes may not automatically mean that they think being gay is just a game. 

We all have reallllllyyyyy different ways of approaching sexuality, and it is super uncomfortable to navigate our own intentions and wants in a clear cut manner.  So.  I say, try not to get to concerned about these girls thinking that gay is a game #gaym, and try to figure out if you want to go get your groove on to a Britney Spears remix and maybe flirt with some ladies…

Like Dannielle said, if these girls are legit going out to stand and make fun of lesbians or to kiss girls and then laugh about them behind their backs, then OBVIOUSLY you should tell them to fuck off (nicer terms can be used if preferred).  If, however, these girls are giggling and kissing girls and having fun but maintaining their ‘straight-but-playful’ attitude, who the eff cares?!

Let them identify how they want, and have fun with them…it is completely acceptable to explore your sexuality at a gay bar and still identify as a straightie. It is also completely acceptable for you to tag along and dance and party and stand in really long bathroom lines.

Filed under straight girl friends making fun of lesbians lesbian hang outs lesbians boobs jokes acceptance advice

210 notes

My friends and I are having a bit of a disagreement. I use a menstruation cup because it's environmentally and economically smart. They think it's gross. Can you please convince them that it's not?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

OOOOKKAAAYYYY. First of all, I am in full support of you using the Diva Cup, which by the way, comes in THIS BAG or any other cup, not for divas. HOWEVER, I think it’s gross, FOR ME…I couldn’t see myself pulling a cup of my own uterine wall bloodshed out of myself, but at the same time…i use OB tampys, which don’t have applicators (better for the environment), so people always give me shit for that. 

SO I FEEL YOUR PAIN. The fact of the matter is we all take care of our period however we want, you know? I respect the shit out of you for saving the world, that’s awesome, I can’t even fathom how many resources we would save if we all used tiny rubber cups to catch our baby-makin juices. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? If I were you I’d just do a really loud and hard fake laugh right at them and then make a serious face and say ‘my period, my business’ the snap your fingers and go ‘come on girls’ and walk away, moving your hips back and forth, flip your hair, look at them, wink, and then walk away loling.

Kristin Says:

I think the entire impetus behind Beyonce’s “Run The World (Girls)” choreography was based on her telling her friends, ‘my period, my business.’  You know?

Also, I just made fun of Dannielle for five minutes about using O.B. tampons…because here is the thing, you guys.  No matter how old we are, jokes about poop and periods are allllllwaaaayssss going to be around.  I know that when we were ten we thought our parents were all joking about physics and soap operas, but like…they were still totally making fart jokes.  If you were my friend and you told me you used a diva cup, I would probably snap my fingers near my vagina for at least a week…BECAUSE I AM A LITTLE IMMATURE AND LIKE TO SEIZE COMIC MOMENTS.

All that said, the fact that you use a diva cup isn’t really any more or less gross than them shoving cotton swabs up their hoo-ha’s.  Blood is blood is blood, we all got it, we all have to deal with it, and they can get over themselves.  I know that some of you will probably hope that I say something like, “Our bodies create lady flow so that we may reproduce, sit in the moonlight and love yourself,” but like…I think it is gross when a giant ball of blood falls out of me, period.  #puns

Instead of trying to convince your friends that your diva cup is ‘not gross,’ I would just look them in the eye and say, “Gosh, I know, the fact that tampons turn your uterine lining into three different flavors of twizzlers is so incredible.”  Then do that snappy thing Dannielle said, and play the Beyonce video.

Filed under advice environment gross economically smart diva cup blood tampons period ew beyonce run the world jokes poop physics soap operas immature

34 notes

My parents/relatives are constantly making gender role jokes to my 4-year-old male cousins. It's not in reference to me but saying things like "do you want barbies for christmas?" and then "of course not, barbies are for girls." Am I being too touchy or am I right to be offended? It feels like my parents/family are saying that the fact that I'm gay is not ideal, like I'm tolerated but not really loved, although they seem comfortable with who I am otherwise. And how should I talk to them about this if I'm not being silly?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Let me tell you a story… 

LONG LONG AGO.. jaykay you guys. Kristin and I have this friend who has two childrenz. One is a two year old boy and one is a new baby girl. NOW bf babygirl came along, lil boy was all ‘yo dad, i want a stroller for my bday’ and dad was like ‘HAHA, no that shits for girls’ and mom was like ‘i’m sorry wha? sooo… you’re a girl when you push him around in the stroller?’ and the next day dad came home with a stroller and a doll for baby boy… and babyboy is happy. So is everyone else. 

Toys, colors, tv shows, movie genres, clothes, jobs, even feelings…EVERYTHING is boys vs. girls. It’s mad annoying and has nothing to do with the fact that you’re a total gaywad. I’m sure it feels like things are directed a little toward you, but give your fam the benefit of the doubt. They want little girls to play with barbies and little boys to play with fire trucks b/c we are all raised to think EXACTLY how your family is thinking. 

When it comes down to it, who cares why they’re doing it?! If you’re noticing it and it’s making you uncomfortable, you should speak up. HOWEVZ, this isn’t your kid, so you have to have certain boundaries. Talk to your cousin’s parent(s) first and be like ‘i’ve noticed the fam does THIS THING, do you mind if i ask them to stop’… b/c you can’t try to raise someone else’s kid, you know? BUT LIKE throwing kids into these intense stereotypes before their skulls have fully formed to cover their entire tiny brains is part of why the world is so whacked, you know? Don’t feel like you’re being too sensitive. 

It’s an annoying and shitty thing that people do and you have every right to speak up about it. GET DOWN ON IT. 

Kristin Says:

This. Shit. Makes. Me. Insane.

This is literally the focus that I had during my first two years of graduate work;  I have spent countless hours watching children’s television and taking copious notes on how everything from Hannah Montana to cartoon mice on “Nick, Jr” enforce gender roles before kids can even say the words ‘blue’ and ‘pink.’  It terrifies the shit out of me, and it should terrify the shit out of you, too, because this gender-stereotyping has a very large hand in homophobia.  You are not wrong in connecting the two, and you are not wrong in wanting to say something.

Dannielle is right: your family likely has no idea what they are saying.  The only thing that I don’t completely agree with is talking to the kids’ parents first, because you are simply bringing something that you feel is important to everyone’s attention.  You don’t need permission to express your concern.  My advice would be to approach your relatives from a caring and understanding place, where you are not harsh or judgemental about things of which they may have been completely unaware. 

I once caught my mom, at a family garage sale, peddling a Pinnocio cup to a tiny boy over The Little Mermaid cup he had chosen, saying, ‘You probably want this one, though, because The Little Mermaid is for girls!’  I took a moment to squelch the raging beast of death within my chest, and I approached her after the little boy had left.  I explained to her what I had heard, and why I felt that words like these had the power to, brick by brick, build some serious walls of hatred.  She was completely understanding and shocked that she hadn’t thought of this herself…and she now tries a lot harder to notice these patterns in her own actions and the actions of others.

Hopefully, they will understand.  If they are unable to hear you and they challenge your words, do me a favor and write to us again.  I feel exceptionally strongly about this issue, and I think it would be worthy of a follow-up with some additional talking points.

BLAM.

Filed under advice gender jokes parents comfortable story babygirl blam

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