What do I do if sex with the love of my life isn’t as good as sex I’d had with other people?

Dannielle Says: 

I guess it totally depends on what your life priorities are, you know?

It’s like with anything else. If you really, really love your job, but you wanna make more money. What matters to you more? Doing a dumb job and making a crap ton of money or doing a job you love and being broke? OR LIKE if you really love to work, but you’ll have to quit if you wanna have kids… do you want kids now or is your job what’s up? OR LIKE if you really wanna do theatre and softball but the coach won’t let you do both… you HAVE to chose, even though it sucks. 

Now, in a lot of these cases there are WAYS to get around that shit. Ask for extended maternity leave, ask for a raise, bargain with your coach, talk to your girlf about your sexiness… but when it comes down to it, you’re either willing to try and work it out or you’re not. It is 100% up to you. Some people say ‘f this, i want kids NOW’ and they have kids and they quit their job and THAT IS THAT. My friend in high school chose theatre and never stepped on a softball field again and THAT WAS THAT. We all make these decisions and now you have to do it. SO DO IT. What do you want? How hard are you willing to work for it? Is one thing worth giving up for the other? It’s up to you. Completely up to you. 

Kristin Says:

Here’s the thing. Sex is pretty different when you know someone really well, when you are in love with them, and when they carry a whole host of emotions because of the intensity of your relationship. So - it’s going to be different, yes. That is inevitable. It CERTAINLY doesn’t have to be less-than-amazingly-awesome, though.

If you like sex - you deserve to have great sex. Period.

The catch is that emotions inform how we enjoy sex (or at least, it does for most of us). There may be something emotionally that is making you hold back or feel unable to get what you are looking for from your boo. You have to talk about it. YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT!

I know that saying, “hey, i’d like for our sex to be better” is not the conversation that any of us want to have with the person we love, but it’s possible and it’s important (if you value sex, which it seems you do). Sit down with your boo, and explain that you love them more than anything and love spending time with them and love being with them physically, but that lately you’ve been feeling like you are a little disconnected UNDER THE SHEETS, and you’d love to play around with different things to work your way back together again.

Talk about what turns you on, and don’t say, “WELL WHEN I WAS WITH CYNTHIA SHE DID THIS,” just say, “When I think about you UNDER THE SHEETS, I think about you doing this.” That will your boo feel involved and sexy and able to try exploring things with you. If you have an open dialogue and you trust each other, you can work together and play around with sexy time until you get to a place where you feel much more satisfied.

Filed under advice sex love of my life priorities life kids broke job dialogue sexy time

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Dannielle Says: 

I can’t, for the life of me, understand why people are so mean to each other. How do we change the world, you wonder? Stop being assholes to each other. Be nice. It is not difficult to be a good person. The internet does not exist in order to make it easier to make people feel terrible. I’m honestly terrified to raise my future kids in a world that seems to make it so easy to tear them down and make them feel like shit. You guys, can we please be nice to each other? It’s so simple. 

This film needs to be seen, by everyone. I don’t know why there is an R Rating, but I can think of millions of people under the age of 17 who need to see this, and I’m sure after watching the trailer, y’all will agree. CLICK HERE to sign the petition so this film can be seen by everyone. 

Kristin Says:

We tell this to students all over the country: You do not have to devote your life to volunteer service and activist marches to make a change. While those are noble efforts, and it is awesome if you choose to take that form of action, the action that we can all take is to be kind to others.

Speak up when you see things happening to others that are hurtful. Talk about the way you feel in a way that leads to productive conversation, and not by lashing out with hurtful words. If every person in the world made the decision to be kind to others, this movie would never need to see the light of day.

Since we are not quite there, please do see this movie, and please do take action to help this movie get a rating so that those in middle school and in high school can see it. Don’t just ‘like’ this or ‘reblog’ it… okay? Do those things, share with your friends, because spreading awareness is crucial, but then take the next step and help move this movie to all of the people who need to see it. Then take another step and remember, every day, that we are all human beings and we all deserve respect and kindness.

Filed under advice funny hahahah kitchen lgbt advice lgbtq lolz megan fox news peeps bully mean kind kids

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“At what point in a relationship do I tell the other person that I don’t ever want to get married, and I don’t want kids?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says:

You know, at first i read this and i was like ‘NOW, BETCH’ but then I thought about it and thought about my past relationships and thought about how in one relationship that shit never even came up, and then in another relationship after like 2 days i was like ‘o word, you cool with havin my babies?’ …sooooo I guess it depends on the relationship. 

I feel like if you’re gettin real, it’ll prolly come up and you’ll have to be honest bc like, if I was dating someone and I was like ‘LETS HAVE A BABY AND NAME HER DRAGON’ and my boo was lke ‘LOL OK’ and then 6 months went by and i was like ‘LOL REMEMBER OUR BABY, DRAGON?’ and my boo was like ‘yea, dog, i dont want kids’ I’d be like ‘YOU DON’T WHAT!?’ and then we would fight and break up and i’d be pissed at you forever. 

So, be honest, bc there are a lot of sunzabitches in the world who don’t want marriage or kids, but still want a relationship. It can absolutely work out, don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less of a partner because you want different things, just make sure to be honest. 

Kristin Says:

Well, Anonymous, the truth of the matter is that everyone wants to get married, and everyone wants to have kids…so you should really just face the facts and figure your shit out.

…IMAGINE THAT WAS MY ADVICE?!

Sometimes it is fun to imagine all of your ears shooting out steam and anger while you mouth “what is wrong with her how dare she tell me i should get married” at your computer screens. You know?

Annnnyway you guys, I’m just playing, and in my playing I am trying to make a point. 

{clears throat}

This is all a matter of positioning, Anon. If you sit down on a first date and you are like, “Hello, my name is Anonymous, I have three cats, I work in finance, I don’t ever want to get married and I hate children, how are you tonight?” …Well, I think you can plainly see how that might rub someone the wrong way. However, in this world that we all live in, things like marriage and children do tend to come up fairly often in conversation - so just be honest about your thoughts when that happens. It might wind up that at month 1.3 you mention it in passing, and then at month 2.4 it gets brought up again in a more serious context.

Just for good measure, here are a few ways that you can bring up these subjects if you feel that it is time to talk about them:

1) Walk down 5th Avenue in Park Slope, Brooklyn. There are at least 17 babies on every block, which will make it quite easy for you to be like, ‘mannnn, this is exactly why i don’t want babies,’ while pointing at the three that are screaming and have snot on their faces.

2) Rent the movie, “Babies.”

3) Rent the movie, “Father of the Bride,” followed by “Father of the Bride II.”

4) Play a game of charades and make your clue, “People who don’t want to get married or have babies.”

Filed under marriage babies kids the next step dating advice

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I recently realized I'm gay and for the most part I'm happy about it. But no matter how many times I watch the Glee version of Born This Way, I'm still sad about giving up the dream of a white picket fence, husband and two kids. How do I get over it?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

A-MEN SISTER.
Here is the thing tho, we’re sort of forced to believe what will make us happy from day one.

We’re born and everyone is like ‘THE BEST THING IS TO BE A ROCKSTAR, IF YOU DO’NT WANT TO BE THAT YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THAT YOU CAN ONLY B HAPPEE IF YOU HAV A KIDS AND A HUSBANDS’ … I was saying that in a giant puppet voice…

ahem.

But srsly, you’re going to be like ‘BUT I WANNA HUSBAND’ for a little bit and then one day you’ll be like ‘I JUST WANT A WIFE AND KIDS AND A PICKET FENCES’ and then you’ll be like ‘oooooh’ …I mean, watch ellen and portia’s wedding youtube shit and just TELL ME YOU DON’T WANNA WIFE. you know?

Don’t feel bad that you feel bad. That’s where we all get caught up. We’re like ‘i wanna husband and kids’ and then we beat ourselves in the brain about it bc we’re like ‘I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO WANT THAT’ but let yourself go through the process and maybe one day you won’t think about it anymore, or maybe you will. Who cares, there is still a part of me that wants Isaac Hanson to sit at the foot of my bed in his underwear and play old Bill Withers songs.

Important takeaways:
1) it is okay to feel weird
2) let yourself process
3) i have a crush on isaac hanson

Kristin Says:

First I would like to tell you that if the girl who sits opposite me at my office continues to CRUNCH HER MOUTH AROUND CEREAL AT A DEAFENING VOLUME, IMMA STRAIGHT CUT A BITCH.

How does that have anything to do with your picket fences, you ask?  It doesn’t…apart from me thinking, ‘If Anonymous was here and she had the choice between a husband, a wife, or THIS BITCH CHEWING WITH HER MOUTH CLOSED, she would no longer care about wives or husbands or fences.’  Priorities, you guys.

Anyway. The key is not to obey, but also not to try to immediately kill those little social soldiers that stand at attention inside your brain and bang their little soldier-type batons on your skull while chanting, “You are supposed to have a husband, SOLDIER. Get down and give me twenty, SOLDIER. Wear a dress because you are a girl, SOLDIER. TEN-FOUR.’  Or whatever soldiers say.  You get my point (and Dannielle’s)…wanting a husband and a picket fence comes from seeing idealized images over and over and over again since you were born.  

The fact that those desires came from society doesn’t make them non-existent or entirely fake, though.  We aren’t trying to tell you that you can just say, ‘OHHHH, those soldiers are created by society so now they will vanish’.  If only it were that easy.  

Instead of trying to make the soldiers vanish or die a gruesome death, just get some new soldiers up in that brain of yours, who tell you that the biggest and best thing to go after is your own happiness.  Allow yourself to be sad about the fact that the things you wanted as a kid might not be as vivid and real as you imagined them to be - that is a totally okay thing to be sad about.  Just be sure to also allow yourself to be happy about the fact that there are things beyond picket fences that you will get to experience, and new dreams and goals that you will be able to set for yourself.  Over time, you will be less sad about letting go of those fences, and more ecstatic over the life that is truly yours and not fashioned after an imaginary ideal.

Time and patience will do you a little better then an episode of Glee (which is not to underestimate the power of lipsyncing and Lady Gaga #lifeblood).

Filed under advice glee born this way lady gaga lesbian gay husband kids rockstar lgbt everyone is gay soldiers society bitch

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