- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I. Feel. You. 

I have no idea why this happens, it’s some sort of weird ‘i failed and you didn’t’ thing that happens in your brain. I mean, YOU DIDN’T FAIL, I’m just saying I feel you and that’s what it feels like for me. Usually I get over it by hiding them from my FB feed, unfollowing their tumblr/instagram/whatever and being overly nice. There is no reason to compare yourself to your ex, but I know sometimes it’s inevitable, so may as well curb that shit ASAP. 

Remember that you broke up for REASONS and if you put positive things into the universe, the universe will poop sparkly rainbows right back on your head. SO, instead of seeing her pix with her newboo and thinking “ugh, why can she find someone when i’m obviously cuter” STOP YOURSELF and think “i’m glad she has someone, love is in the air, soon i will be in love again, love love love, i’m gonna look up pictures of kittens.” Just completely turn it around, because like, who cares YOU KNOW!??!

When you feel stupid, flood your mind with happy thoughts. Force yourself to think everything is awesome. AND REMEMBER, exes are our exes because they suck. 

Kristin Says:

HAHAHAHAHAHA. AND REMEMBER, EXES ARE OUR EXES BC THEY SUCK.” -Dannielle Owens-Reid

{deep breath}

Sorry, you guys. Every once in awhile she just makes me laugh so hard that it makes its way into my answer.

The thing is… we are all the exact same people that we were as toddlers. It’s like, when you were three, you’d be playing in the sandbox or something, and you’d be like, “oooooh, here’s a fun truck!” and you’d pick the truck up and smash it into the wall a few times and make it dig up some sand and then you’d be like, ‘I AM TOTALLY BORED OF THIS TRUCK,’ and you’d put it down and consider making a sandcastle… UNTIL SOME OTHER JERKWAD CAME OVER AND DECIDED TO PLAY WITH THAT TRUCK. Then, a rage would boil inside your tiny three year old frame and you’d demand that this was YOUR TRUCK (even though it belonged to the playground or some other poor sap of a kid who was probably stuck on the swings or some shit), and you’d throw a fit. You’d lose all sense of why building a sandcastle was EVER a good idea when OBVIOUSLY TRUCKS ARE SO COOL, and your entire three-year-old world would come tumbling down around you.

You see what I mean? Maybe not. Here is what I mean:

1. We all have those feelings. It is human nature. So, forgive yourself for the poop-feelings, because it is like… a programmed instinct and it generally can’t be helped in those initial ‘they-have-this, i-have-nothing’ moments.

2. Do what Dannielle said: Remove her, temporarily, from your computer / life / whathaveyou. You need to heal those wounds and constant reminders will not help at all.

3. Remember the kid at the playground. That kid wanted to build a sandcastle, but forgot all about it because they felt like they didn’t have a truck… and they were all WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT A TRUCK?! You are off to a great start because already know that you don’t want that truck back. So, take it one step further and remind yourself that life isn’t always just about the trucks in this world. Build that goddamn sandcastle.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

The only way to guarantee a good hook up is to ask questions. It seems weird, but like, if from the very beginning you’re asking what the person likes then they just think that’s HOW YOU ARE and they just answer the questions and go along with what you’re doing and they’re like ‘THIS IS AWESOME THIS HUMAN IS DOING ALL THE THINGS I LIKE!!” You basically trick them into having a great time with you.

Ask questions and if you feel weird asking them outright, pay VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. Pay attention to they way a person breathes and moves and kisses and make them do more of all of it.  

OR YOU COULD ALWAYS BE SUPER FUNNY AND SPEND ALL NIGHT GIGGLING AND TALKING AND THEY’LL GO TO SCHOOL AND BE LIKE ‘OMG THIS PERSON I HOOKED UP WITH WAS SOOOO FUNNY I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM’ 

Kristin Says:

Oh man. Three cheers for giggling all night.

First of all: anyone who is rating the quality of your mouth kissing to their friends ISN’T WORTH YOUR MOUTH KISSING. I know that this is a thing that happens, I know that we have to talk about it and what it means, but like… kissing someone’s mouth is something that you do with THAT someone, and if they are so shallow that they have to report back on the QUALITY of that mouth-kissing… that is stupid and dumb.

Second of all: Since this happens, since people are shallow and insecure and feel the need to report back on things like this and you truly want to know how to be a “good” hookup, I am going to first tell you that you are not the only person who makes a hookup good or bad. The quality of a hookup depends EQUALLY on both (or however many) parties involved in the hookup. So - no matter WHAT - a less than awesome hookup is never just your fault.

My advice on how to make things enjoyable on your side of the line would be to take your time, to be adventurous, and to listen to their feedback (which, as Dannielle aptly pointed out may be in words or in breathing or in movements). The sexiest part of hooking up with someone is in the moments when you are exploring what the other person enjoys. Try new things and do what turns you on… usually if you are turned on you are automatically engaged in the activity and that automatically turns the other person on. To echo Dannielle one last time: CO.MMU.NI.CATE. Ask questions, make jokes, take a moment to breathe. Hookups are not a thing to be rushed, and are not a thing that is meant to be perfect.

To the rest of y’all: stop rating your hookups with other people. The people you are hooking up with have feelings, just like you, and if you didn’t enjoy something… be a big enough person to communicate that in the moment. It will make for a better hookup and it will make you a better person.

Also featured in “The Hook-Up” on MTVAct and MTV’s It’s Your Sex Life

Hey gaybeans. 

In lieu of advice today, we thought it would be appropriate to share Kristin’s Coming Out story. Why, you ask? Well, mostly because she came out to her parents over Thanksgiving dinner - a moment that may be in your immediate future (knowingly or not). So, as many of you ready yourselves for a family holiday, here is how Kristin spent hers one million years ago.

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Kristin Says:

Mashed potatoes, over-cooked stuffing, and an antibiotic-infused, Butterball turkey: these are the markers of the American holiday known as Thanksgiving. Unless, of course, you were at my house on November 26, 1998. If that were the case, you would have also found a slightly tipsy, wine-drinking mom, a smiling, story-telling dad, a sullen, pre-pubescent little sister, and me at the age of eighteen, clad in Salvation Army sourced clothing, about to tell my parents that I was a big homo.

First, some background. Up until my senior year in high school, I identified as a straight girl with very close girl friends and a deep adoration for Liv Tyler. My very observant mother, however, had asked me countless times if I was a lesbian. My answer was always the same: “No, Mom, calm down and stop asking me!” Then, in the fall of 1997, I met a girl. We became friends. We hung out. We kissed. We liked kissing. We did some other stuff. This happened a few times, and then that thing happened. That oh-dear-god-my-stomach-is-squeezed-and-my-heart-is-in-my-throat thing. I liked this girl.

In addition to my oh-my-god-I’m-gay panic, I was horrified that my mother had been right all along. As most of you know, telling your parents that they are right about anything is almost impossible between the ages of eleven and twenty-four. I didn’t breathe a word of my gayness to anyone but my close friends for almost a year…which brings us back to the Thanksgiving Day surprise.

Once my sister had left the table to go doodle in her Lisa Frank notebook, I began to complain about an awful translation of the Bible that had been given to me by a relative. I said something like, “Mo-OM. They make it sound like God hates gay people, but that is a load of bullshit.” My mom looked up from her stuffing, her eyes troubled by my angry tone, and asked, for the hundredth time, “Kristin, is there something you want to tell us?” Then…it just happened. I dug my fingers into my palm, mustered up as much teenage-courage as I could, and answered, “Yes. I want to tell you both that I’m gay.”

Silence.

The first thing that my parents said to me, and the thing I will always remember, was that I was their daughter and they would always love me. For that I was, and still am, very thankful. After this initial reaction, however, my mother began what would be a very long journey in reconciling her love for her child with her deeply-instilled religious beliefs. The first few years were very hard. My mother and I fought a lot. She cried a lot and I yelled even more. Through all of it, though, we never stopped loving each other.

Over time, the yelling calmed into a dialogue. She allowed herself to meet some of my girlfriends. Our dialogue progressed, and she began to ask me questions. Slowly, my girlfriends were invited over for dinner, and my mother and I found common ground amidst differing beliefs.

The thing about ‘coming-out,’ is that it isn’t one moment at a Thanksgiving dinner table. It is a process that takes patience, understanding, and compassion. It is different for everyone. All we can do is share as much of ourselves as we feel comfortable with, and work diligently at accepting who we are, with or without the understanding of those around us.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

First of all, if you fail your midterms, you get to go to college over the summer…which is really fun (you guys i failed some stuff and had to do maymester courses and then go to spain for the summer so like… )

DON’T FOLLOW IN MY FOOTSTEPS THO. 

You have to use our videos as rewards. You study for 30 mins, you get to watch a webcast. Study for another 30 mins, watch another webcast. If you start from the beginning of webcast time you could potentially get in 33 hours worth of studying (64 webcasts and 2 compilations). I’m pretty sure that’s how much I studied for the entirety of my college career. 

OR YOU COULD GO TO DENNY’S AND SIT DOWN WITH A HO-CHO* AND ReeeeeeEALLY HIT THE BOOKS.

*ho-cho, often called “hot chocolate” is a warm thick chocolaty drink that makes studying a lot easier…

Kristin Says: 

You have to go to a place where the internet does not exist. Try 1984 or in the back of a moving pick-up truck.

In all seriousness, though - I have found in the past handful of years that when I need to get work done I have to a) not be in my own house, and b) not be on the internet. AT ALL. If I am in my house I will find a million things to do which are not studying (ie: clean between the tiles in the bathroom or categorize all of my photos by date or color scheme), and if I am on the internet I will simply check my email every three seconds and/or watch videos.

Remember that our videos will always be around, but these midterms are JUST ONE TIME. You can use them as rewards like Dannielle says, but you should structure it so that you study NOT ON THE INTERNET, and when you are DONE STUDYING TOTALLY DONE FOR THAT TIMEFRAME, then you watch a video. Because… let’s be real, after you watch one webcast you aren’t going to shut off your computer again for at least three more webcasts.

GOOD LUCK.