- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

About as weird as a deer taking a poop in the woods. 

GET IT BECAUSE DEER ALWAYS POOP IN THE WOODS JUST NATURALLY??? 

One time I had a crush on a boy named Daniel and I was like ‘ugh I can’t date him bc Dannielle and Daniel???’ … turns out I couldn’t date him bc he didn’t like me, so problem solved. 

BUT LIKE ALSO I know at least four couples with the same name. It’s great bc people are never like ‘oh yea your girlfriend…uuuhhhhh’ cuz it’s YOUR NAME aaaaaaaaand It’s impossible to avoid bc every pregnant woman in 1989 thought “Lauren” was the god damned prettiest name. 

Kristin Says:

It’s almost inevitable. I suggest taking on an addendum to your given name for ease of use. For example:

Lauren “twinkletoes” and Lauren “toast and jam” or

Jen “sugartits” and Jen “hoobastank” or

Amanda “teletubby” and Amanda “beanie baby” or

Mary “one” and Mary “two”

Also three out of four of those above pairs are actual lesbian couples I know… so I will now be referring to them by those fantastic nicknames.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I wish we were best friends so I could sit across from you at Chili’s and ask you a million questions. BECAUSE IT COULD BE SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. 

Maybe you’re no longer attracted to the person you’re with, maybe you’ve grown out of sexi-time AS YOU KNOW IT, maybe you’re so busy and tired that your priorities have changed, maybe you’ve had sexies but it took too long so you feel like it’s a waste of time and you’re just over it for now. 

It could be a million things, but I THINK YOU SHOULD FIGURE IT OUT. Especially if you’re like ‘i’m not into sexitime, but i sure do MISS being into sexitime.’ It’s like, our tastebuds change every seven years…so, maybe our sexibuds change too? AAAND if you’re in a relationship, talk to your BALLnCHAIN about it. Maybe the two of you will come up with new things to try to make it fun again. Who knows. 

ON THE OTHER HAND. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less-than or weird for not being into sexi times. We all have different wants and needs and if you’re just not into it, you’re not and that’s completely fine and normal and wonderful and you rule. 

Kristin Says:

I agree - I think this is really a question of if you are unhappy with sex not appealing to you at the moment or if you are just like “IS IT WEIRD THAT RIGHT NOW I’M NOT INTO BONIN’?”

I second Dannielle - if you want to know if it is okay that you aren’t into visiting sexytown, USA right now, hell yea it is! Some of us have a permanent passport to sexytown and would move there if they offered permanent residencies, others of us like to visit sometimes, and then some of us are like, ‘nah, not interested.’ Those are all acceptable approaches to sex unless you feel upset by those desires (or lack of desires).

If you want to be more into sex than you are, I say try the fake it til you make it approach. A lot of times, the thought of doin’ it can be overshadowed by outside stress, by underlying emotions, or just by things like “Ugh it will take so long and I have to cook dinner.” When you feel hesitation, try just DOIN IT instead. Sometimes the act of doin’ it gets your brain turned on more than the thought of doin’ it. #doinitdoinitdoinitwell

If you try that and you are still unhappy with the results, I would turn to your brain and ask it for some explanation. Nine times out of ten* we have something emotionally going on in our brains that blocks out other desires. Perhaps there are things making you unhappy in your relationship that need attention. Perhaps you are miserable at work and it is affecting other parts of your life. Dig in there and root out the negative. Usually while you are digging you find your passport to sexytown buried in the mess.

*not an actual statistic

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Stereotypes are so interesting because we all fight and fight and fight to NOT be judged based on our labels, but then WE JUDGE EVERYONE ELSE BASED ON THEIR LABELS. 

It makes no sense. I am totally a gay, but people think I’m so weird bc I’ve only seen 3.5 seasons of The L Word, I have no interest in The Real L Word, I only own 4 Tegan & Sara songs, I don’t go to gay bars, I’ve never been good at any sport, I would rather shave my entire head than just half of it, and I don’t own a pair of converse. BUT SO WHAT!?

The other day someone asked me if I owned the new Tegan & Sara album and I said “No, but I’ve heard good things, do you like it?!” and they LAUGHED AT ME….this human literally thought I was ridiculous for having not heard A MUSICAL SONG… Are you kidding me?? 

We are all so different and these differences need to be celebrated not judged. I don’t know what happens in our heads that makes us decide, “oh! we’re attracted to the same types of people THEREFORE, you must be exactly like me or you are kicked out of the club” … STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. If you are disappointed when someone is different from you, you are doing an injustice to yourself and everything we are fighting for: equality.

You, anonyMOUSE, are perfect just the way you are, anyone who says that’s not true is an idiot. 

Kristin Says:

This whole situation drives me mad but also fascinates me to no end. So let me talk about it in two parts:

1) It drives me mad. This has most everything to do with what Dannielle said above; we shouldn’t require that other people behave just like us in order to fit any particular identity. When you like boobs it doesn’t automatically mean you like flannel. GET OVER IT, PEOPLE.

2) It fascinates the hell out of me. This has most everything to do with the fact that, as people who often feel “othered” in mainstream society, we have a tendency to create our own societal norms and touchstones. It is a means of saying, “Hey, I know this thing and you know this thing and we all know this thing and we have a COMMUNITY.” In that sense, I think it is pretty badass. It’s nice that Dannielle and I can make a joke about converse sneakers and lesbians and most everyone laughs hysterically - it makes all those people who are laughing feel safer, more supported, more understood, and less isolated.

So, based on those two feelings I will now move on to my CONCLUSION. No, Anonymous(e)… you are absolutely not weird or abnormal or anything except for a totally unique and brilliant person whose sexuality makes up one facet of a much larger individual. Own what you like and do not feel pressured to listen to music or wear clothes that you don’t like - we are all different and that is so important to remember. To all of you out there who love the cultural touchstones that exist out there for the identity that you claim, that is awesome and wonderful - but that does not make it OBLIGATORY. I am no less gay than you if I don’t understand the joke you made about Shane and Carmen. Stop putting up walls and making others feel like they don’t belong if they don’t identify the exact way you do. CAPISH?!

Thanks, byeeeeee.

- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I. Feel. You. 

I have no idea why this happens, it’s some sort of weird ‘i failed and you didn’t’ thing that happens in your brain. I mean, YOU DIDN’T FAIL, I’m just saying I feel you and that’s what it feels like for me. Usually I get over it by hiding them from my FB feed, unfollowing their tumblr/instagram/whatever and being overly nice. There is no reason to compare yourself to your ex, but I know sometimes it’s inevitable, so may as well curb that shit ASAP. 

Remember that you broke up for REASONS and if you put positive things into the universe, the universe will poop sparkly rainbows right back on your head. SO, instead of seeing her pix with her newboo and thinking “ugh, why can she find someone when i’m obviously cuter” STOP YOURSELF and think “i’m glad she has someone, love is in the air, soon i will be in love again, love love love, i’m gonna look up pictures of kittens.” Just completely turn it around, because like, who cares YOU KNOW!??!

When you feel stupid, flood your mind with happy thoughts. Force yourself to think everything is awesome. AND REMEMBER, exes are our exes because they suck. 

Kristin Says:

HAHAHAHAHAHA. AND REMEMBER, EXES ARE OUR EXES BC THEY SUCK.” -Dannielle Owens-Reid

{deep breath}

Sorry, you guys. Every once in awhile she just makes me laugh so hard that it makes its way into my answer.

The thing is… we are all the exact same people that we were as toddlers. It’s like, when you were three, you’d be playing in the sandbox or something, and you’d be like, “oooooh, here’s a fun truck!” and you’d pick the truck up and smash it into the wall a few times and make it dig up some sand and then you’d be like, ‘I AM TOTALLY BORED OF THIS TRUCK,’ and you’d put it down and consider making a sandcastle… UNTIL SOME OTHER JERKWAD CAME OVER AND DECIDED TO PLAY WITH THAT TRUCK. Then, a rage would boil inside your tiny three year old frame and you’d demand that this was YOUR TRUCK (even though it belonged to the playground or some other poor sap of a kid who was probably stuck on the swings or some shit), and you’d throw a fit. You’d lose all sense of why building a sandcastle was EVER a good idea when OBVIOUSLY TRUCKS ARE SO COOL, and your entire three-year-old world would come tumbling down around you.

You see what I mean? Maybe not. Here is what I mean:

1. We all have those feelings. It is human nature. So, forgive yourself for the poop-feelings, because it is like… a programmed instinct and it generally can’t be helped in those initial ‘they-have-this, i-have-nothing’ moments.

2. Do what Dannielle said: Remove her, temporarily, from your computer / life / whathaveyou. You need to heal those wounds and constant reminders will not help at all.

3. Remember the kid at the playground. That kid wanted to build a sandcastle, but forgot all about it because they felt like they didn’t have a truck… and they were all WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT A TRUCK?! You are off to a great start because already know that you don’t want that truck back. So, take it one step further and remind yourself that life isn’t always just about the trucks in this world. Build that goddamn sandcastle.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

GURL* PLZ. I’m 27 and I feel lost most of the time. Not in the same ways, I don’t want to be dating boys. But HONESTLY, if my mom was like ‘are you sure you’ll never marry a man’ I would give her a blank stare bc my ass is not psychic (neither is my brain). 

So, as far as deciding who you are and when… Don’t worry about it. If slappin a label on it makes you feel better, by all means GO FOR IT. But like, no one is completely certain about anything so you’re doing great. As far as making the process easier the only thing I really suggest - realize it’s a process. You won’t figure anything out over night. EVER. We’re all constantly figuring ourselves out, which is AWESOME. We’re all growing and changing and experiencing life CONSTANTLY. 

If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed and uncertain remember that you are not alone. For every panic moment you have, there are 16 thousand people your exact same age having that exact same panic moment. You’re doing all the right things, you’re slowly trying to figure out who you are and you’re trying to understand your feelings. That’s all we can do. Life is cray you guys, our feelings make absolutely no sense until one day they make perfect sense and who knows when that’s supposed to happen.

*feel free to replace with appropriate pronoun, but spell it wrong to get the right effect.

Kristin Says:

You do not. Have to decide. Your sexuality.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DECIDE. You do not have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt who you will be for the next five decades of life. You do not have to stay in one tiny confined box that you create for yourself out of the labels you gather from the world around you.

Some of us take comfort in having a way to name ourselves - a way to belong to a group of other people “like us,” or being able to understand ourselves better through the experiences of others. That is amazing and wonderful, and for that reason “labels” are sometimes able to embody something very, very positive. That is not always the case, though, so we must always be careful.

If you are seeking to belong to a community, well, know that you already belong to mine - and to Dannielle’s - and to ours here at Everyone Is Gay. This is not a community of lesbians or gay people or trans people… ours is a community of people who are committed to being kind to each other, who are committed to allow difference and similarity to overlap in completely unexpected ways, and who accept all of those around us whether they are in the beginning, middle, or end of their journey to understand themselves.

No matter how sure any of us are - we are all on a journey. You don’t need to know anything except for the fact that you are working toward happiness. Kiss who you want to kiss. Cuddle who you want to cuddle. Tell the world you are THIS THING if THAT THING makes sense to you, and don’t be afraid if down the line you are A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT THING. That is life. We’ve got you.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I always go the FUNNY route. You can’t go wrong with something hilarious. There’s a box of chocolates at rite-aid that literally has the cast of twilight on the front and a plastic necklace attached… it’s ridiculous and hilarious. 

OMG. I JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA. YOU GUYS STROKE OF GENIUS IN THE MIDDLE OF ANSWERING. HERE IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. 

The day before V-day give your n00b00 a card that says “Valentine’s day has been postponed to Feb. 15th, please do not eat any candy or do anything romantic until then,” y’all can hang out, but like DON’T DO VALENTINE’S DAY until the day after. On the 15th, when n00b00 comes over, tell her you have a surprise, but it’ll be a low key. She’ll probably be confused bc surprises are soconfusing. 

Take her to walgreens/rite aid/ cvs and say ‘alright, now we spend 30$ on discount candy, all of which we have to eat tonight’ get the GOOD STUFF and the cheap stuff, get so much candy bc everything will be on sale. Also buy a tiny small beanie filled bear for her and then go back to your apt. Watch movies and pig out on candy and have a blast. Get sick to your stomach with cheap chocolate, kiss on the mouth, and present her with the tiny bear as a KEEPSAKE and be so excited that you had the best valentine’s day ever AAAND tell her that Dannielle Owens-Reid planned the whole thing. 

**if she says, “who is Dannielle Owens-Reid” then break up with her on the spot**

Kristin Says:

You should make heart-shaped pancakes and watch Freaky Friday and then make-out and/or cuddle.

Or, you could write her a note that says, “come to my house at 7pm,” and give it to her with a red hershey’s kiss… then leave a trail of red hershey’s kisses leading from your front door to your living room where you have brought out all the blankets and pillows from your bed and you have coloring books and dvds and take out menus setup for a night of awesome.

Or, you could take her on a date to the local arcade and play video games all night and buy her a gift with your ticket winnings from skeeball.

Or, you could buy her a copy of your favorite book and write her a sweet note on the inside cover.

Personally, my vote goes with pancakes n make outs.
AKA PANMAKE-OUTS.