-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says:

If this were me and my mother, i wouldn’t talk about it at all. Maybe your relaysh with your ma’ is totally different, but like..I wouldn’t want to deal with it. 

Everyone has a different way of approaching important life things and I want to go ahead and say I am NOT AT ALL the best at it. For me, it’s more important to have a nice time and make sure my mom is okay. I’d rather avoid the gay thing for a few days and get our relationship back to a good spot. Maybe she’s thinking about it, but maybe she’s not. There are a million other things going on in both of your lives and I think the fact that you’re gay is not that big of a deal. 

I know that being gay and coming out and finding yourself are all huge things, but having a good relationship with your mom is also a huge thing. The two of you will work to find a place where you know how to talk about it again, you can’t force stuff like that. Focus on having a good time at home and helping your mom to remember you’re the same kid you always were, you’re her kid, you know? She loves you more than anything and these things take time. One day if you’re sitting around and you’ve had an awesome week just shooting the shit and eating oreos maybe ask her if she’s thought about it at all. Don’t force her to have a conversation she’s not ready to have, but you can totally bring it up and say ‘i just love you a lot and i want us to feel comfortable talking about stuff’ and she’ll get it, maybe she won’t be able to talk it really, but she’ll at least get that you love her and she won’t feel pressured to talk about something she doesn’t understand. 

Kristin Says:

This is absolutely one hundred million percent dependent on how your insides are feeling now that you are home and under the same roof.

If you feel like, “Damn, I just want to sit and watch a movie and tell her about my stupid calculus professor and how my roommate would leave pizza on her bed overnight,” then you should do those things, and not focus on the lesbian elephant #lesbiphant

If that conversation you had back in April is weighing heavily on your heart, though, then talking about it may be the best thing for you. What Dannielle said about that conversation is dead on, though - it has to be a conversation that is both for you to communicate your feelings and for her to be able to communicate hers. So many times in these situations we feel that we need to have the conversation so that it ends with MOM thinking KID is right (or vice versa)… but that ain’t true. No one needs to change their opinion in the conversation, no one needs to concede their point. It should be about both of you being able to say how you feel, and working to understand the other person’s feelings.

“Mom, I love you. The conversation we had in April really hurt me, and I know it was probably really hard for you, too. I don’t want to try to convince you of anything or make things uncomfortable - but I do want you to know that I would like to try to talk more about this as you feel comfortable, because it is a part of my life, and you are so important to me.”

Start there. Breathe. Have patience. It may be a summer of struggle over there, but let me tell you this much: The summer of 1999 (#oldlady) was my summer of struggle, and the other day my mom was on the radio with me telling all of America how excited she was about Obama’s support of gay marriage… so, hang in there. xoxo