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  • "My girlfriend is transferring to the University of Miami after I graduate. It is literally the last place in the world I want to be. She says I don’t have any definite plan in the near future, but I’ll have zero things to do besides work a shitty restaurant job somewhere that I don’t want to be in the first place. She’s making me feel like I’ve done something terrible by simply being honest with her. I can’t imagine my life without her. What do I do?"

    Dannielle Says: 

    Here is the thing. You’ve already decided in your brain that you will absolutely not be happy if you’re in Miami. So, if you move to Miami… you will be unhappy. You know?

    A few things I want you to consider. FIRST AND FOREMOST, you do not have to give up your entire life to be with the person you love. Even if you do decide to suck it up and spend some time in Miami, you’re not wasting time, you’re not giving up on your dreams and you’re not sacrificing your self worth. It’s hard to make a relationship work and we all HAVE TO make compromises at one point or another. 

    SECOND AND SECONDMOST, you can not rearrange your life to make another person happy and then blame it on them. If you are only going to Miami to be with her, do it because you want to be with her, not because she’s making you feel bad. If the only reason you go is because she made you feel shitty for having hopes and dreams and opinions, you are going for the wrong reasons. Your relationship will only fail from there because every time you have a bad day in Miami you will think “I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my stupid idiot girlf”

    THIRDLY AND THIRDLIEMOST, long distance relationships can work. They can. If you are willing to put the right amount of time and effort into making it happen, it can work. What’s most important in this situation is you both consider one another. You consider what will make the other person happy and you find a compromise. Things won’t be perfect, but if you love each other and you’re both willing to work, things can at least be okay….plus there’s a new iphone app called ‘pair’ that apparently makes LDRz even cuter. 

    Kristin Says:

    OH MY GOD. I am going to immediately start dating someone in another city just so I can use the “Pair” iPhone app. I JUST LOOKED IT UP AND IT LOOKS SO ADORABLE.

    {clears throat}

    You, dear Anonymous, have outlined a lot of the most important factors of your decision in your question. You do not want to go to Miami. That is a very, very important fact. Now, when emotions and love get involved, it is difficult for us to do what is right for ourselves and for the person we love, and this is apparently what is affecting your boo so much. Whereas the healthy thing to do here would have been to give you your space to think about your decision, to support you and talk openly about your fears, hesitations, and confusions… your boo has emotionally slipped into a place where she is seemingly unable to step back.

    So. The first step is to sit her down, to tell her that you love her, to tell her that you will both be able to work through this together, and that what you need from her most of all right now is the space to think about all the different scenarios without her making you feel horribly, horribly guilty for considering all of them.

    Explain to her that the most important thing for both of you to always remember in your relationship is that, for the relationship to be healthy, you both have to be happy and content in the knowledge that you have made decisions of your own choosing, and with the support of your partner.

    If she cannot give you space, you will not be able to go to Miami, period. If, however, she is able to hear you, if she is able to step back and see the situation as a decision that you making together, you should take that space and consider all of the options. Think about what Miami would be like, think about what home would be like, think about what you want the most, and what would make you happy. Then, talk to her about your decision, and remind her how much it means to you that she was able to give you the space to think things over. If that decision is still that you do not want to go to Miami, hopefully she will be able to understand, and you will be able to work together (again, always) to figure out the best ways to make it work.

    Anything is possible when we respect and work to understand the people that we love.

    Okay?

  • Personal Post Pundurday

    Dannielle Says: 

    y’all are a bunch’a’dummies.

    Kristin Says:

    APRIL FOOLS.

  • "How can I be brave?"

    -Question submitted by Anonymous

    Dannielle Says: 

    Wanna know who has two thumbs and isn’t brave at all? THIS GUY *points to self with thumbs* 

    I never was brave or confident or strong or knowledgable of what I wanted. All of those things can make for a big scary stew of confusion. I didn’t all of a sudden wake up one morning and feel awesome, it took time. 

    I think you should figure out what things in life make you feel awesome. We all have some, even if it’s just one or two teeny tiny things. For me, I felt awesome when I was alone in my room learning songs on the guitar. I felt awesome when I was with my best friend talking about improv. I felt awesome when I was learning a new recipe. I felt awesome when I was riding my bike. Now here’s the trick. I WASN’T GOOD AT PLAYING GUITAR and I’M NOT THE SMARTEST IMPROVISOR and I’M NOT THE GREATEST COOK and I CAN’T RIDE MY BIKE THE FASTEST…. however… I loved doing those things. So I did more of them. The more I did the things I loved doing, the better I felt about trying new things. 

    AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT…I used to literally have panic attacks in groups of people I didn’t know. I would stand in a room full of people I didn’t know and I’d be leaning against a wall on the verge of tears and barely able to breathe. But I talked myself out of it. It was hard, but I did it. I went to events over and over and over and over and felt uncomfortable and scared and I hated it for YEARS…until I didn’t hate it anymore. I just got used it. Did I love it? No. I still don’t love it. But I got used to it. Which I think is pretty much how life works. You push through the stuff you hate until you’re used to it, you do more of the stuff you love and most importantly you have to look for a good balance. Do the things that scare you the most. You don’t want to be 90 and thinking ‘wow, I wish i would have done all these things’ you want to be 90 and thinking ‘I did a bunch of stupid shit when I was young, but at least I had a blast.’

    Kristin Says:

    How can any of us be brave, really?

    The truth of the matter, anonymous, is that life, and our relationship to it, is a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions. Right now, perhaps, you are feeling scared and like you don’t have the courage or confidence to do the things that you want to do with your life. I understand, and I have been there. To be totally honest, I am there, right at this very moment.

    I am scared about many things in my life, I am scared that I haven’t grown enough to face the challenges that now face me, I worry about my future and if I can hold onto the seedlings of confidence that I have slowly and cautiously collected over the past years. A few weeks ago I felt on top of the world; today I feel doubtful and unsure. Life is, at all times, uncertain. 

    Let me tell you, though, what I have learned in the past decade or so of my experiences. I have learned that when we want to grow and to be brave, we move forward a few steps and back a few. To be brave, you have to force yourself to face the things that scare you, and know that sometimes you will face them and surprise yourself with your ability to overcome them, and other times you will run, trip, stumble and cry. Those reactions are all equal parts of you growing into being a stronger and braver person. When you stumble, remember that you are still growing. Remember that the next time you may surprise yourself.

    Remember that the best way to be brave is to never stop trying, to always be patient, and to never, ever stop believing in yourself.

  • Webcast 51, fooooools.

    1. Should I come out at work?
    2. Are rebounds good or bad?

  • You guys!

    If you live in Austin, or if you ever travel to Austin (WHICH YOU SHOULD), you must make it a priority to visit Boulin Creek Cafe. Why, you ask?! Here are two good reasons:

    1. THEY HAVE THE BEST FOOD, THE BEST BEER, AND THE BEST BAKED SWEET GOODS #sick THIS SIDE OF ANYWHERE. Seriously. Vegans and vegetarians, get excited, because the menu is flipping superb and totally geared toward the non-meat eater. Seriously. Delicious. We want to go back right this minute.

    2. Bouldin Creek is the reason that Everyone Is Gay (that’s us) was able to hold a free, public event at UT Austin in March. They took a chunk of their hard-earned dollars and put it toward helping fuel our efforts and our event. We can never thank them enough, but here is a feeble attempt at thanking them as much as we know how.

    {imagine Kristin and Dannielle dancing to the song thank you by Natalie Merchant}

    So. Let them know that you love them, go and eat their food, eat their brownies, wheeee!! Oh! And check out the Everyone Is Gay sticker and safe space sticker on their front door! Bew bew bew!!!

    <3 Kristin and Dannielle

  • "My past relationships have been with girls with whom I would have super fabulous and interesting conversations with. That is, until we started dating. Within two months the initial "I like you" "I like you too", the majority of our conversations became versions of "I miss you" and "I love you" and the time we spent together centered around sexitime. Mind you, neither of us disliked that time, but it frustrated us that our conversation deteriorated so. This has happened multiple times - thoughts?!"

    -Question submitted by Anonymous

    Dannielle Says: 

    OOOH SET UP DATE NIGHTS!! 

    I know what you mean, you get home, you cuddle, you eat pizza and watch Grey’s Anatomy, you bone, you go to sleep. IT’S JUST LIFE

    however… I think that if once every other day you make dinner and make a point to sit at the table and talk about how your days were, how your life is, when you talked to your parents last… you know what i mean!?

    Ask her questions, bring up things you heard at work, plan things, create fun stuff. If you both want to talk more just do it! You can even make up games where you use scrabble letters and have to make up words and you both have to explain what the words mean, and have themes each time. SO LIKE, make up fake words that all have to be scientific theories on how the earth came to be… you  know?

    I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

    Kristin Says:

    Yes yes yes yes yes I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

    My theory on solving this issue runs parallel to Dannielle’s, but I would like to add that you should plan date nights outside of your home(s). I find that when I am in my own space or a space that I am comfortable in, it is much easier to fall into the old routine, click on a movie, or just get absorbed by phone/internet/email/sexitime.

    Now. Sexitime is IMPORTANT time when it comes to my life, but of equal importance are the conversations that occur when I am outside of my comfort elements with the person I love. Pick a date night every week, and do things. Go to a museum followed by getting ice cream from an ice cream truck. Pack a picnic and take it to the park. Go on a walk to a new neighborhood and explore. Hit as many thrift stores you can find in one afternoon.

    You don’t have to plan for anything apart from that weekly time out of your normal element. The conversations that automatically and organically happen in those spaces are always interesting and unexpected. Stick to it as though your life depends on it, because those weekly moments with each other will be what create the foundation for your relationship moving forward.

    Also, my fake scrabble word would be Hyriindshorn. It would be the theory of the world beginning when a rhinoceras headbutted a yellow flower on the neighboring planet, splintering off a piece of land that fell into the milkyway, gathering matter as it went, until it became the planet Earth.

    You’re welcome.

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