“Would it be wrong to secretly spend my parents money (that would otherwise be used for coffee and shampoo) to fly home to see my girlfriend for her birthday and not tell them? I would feel terrible, but the thing is, they wouldn’t let me do it if I told them, just because they don’t want me to be with her and don’t want me to be gay because they are the absolutely most homophobic people I know. Also if I don’t see her then, I won’t get to see her for three months which I don’t think I can bear.”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Yes, it would be wrong. If you were to stretch the truth by saying you were visiting a friend, or taking a class or something, I could MAYBE support you. HOWEVER, if you straight up thief their hard-earned skrilla to do something they already aren’t into…you’re going to get yourself into a huge mess that will be difficult to get out of….MAS DIFICIL #spanish

You’re in a delicate spot with your parents right now and the LAST THING you should do is jeopardize their trust for you. Realize that they don’t hate you or think you’re wrong or dumb. They’re terrified for you, they love you and they think that the decisions you’ve made will hurt you in the end. Also, they are concerned for your safety, which is why they want to know WHERE YOU ARE and WHO YOU ARE WITH…DO NOT give them another reason to think you have ‘TOTALLY CHANGED EVER SINCE YOU STARTED DATING GIRLZZZZZ’ …you are still you and you have to work on getting your relationship with your parents back to a comfortable spot. 

Maybe you and a friend can plan a trip to CITY and you can stay with your boo? You’re still going to CITY with FRIEND, your girlf just also HAPPENS TO LIVE THERE….It’s not the most honest way to handle things, but I understand being totally overwhelmed and convinced the truth will only make things worse. There has to be somewhere in between that won’t make it so you are a total liar, you know?

Kristin Says:

Aw, shit.  This is a tough one.  Here is the thing…I really want for you to see your girlfriend.  I also really, really want you to be able to do that without breaking your parents’ trust. 

It sounds like flying home is where your girlfriend is at, so if you flew home and didn’t tell them…you would be in the same town that your parents live in without them knowing and that is TOTALLY TERRIFYING.  You would have to like, remain indoors at all times and you would probably poop with panic just going to get a sandwich, which is really not enjoyable.

The eighteen-year-old in me wants to just say, “FUCK IT, GO FOR IT AND ENJOY IT UNTIL THE SHIT HITS THE FAN,” but the thirty-year-old in me has a much louder voice, and one that is informed by lying to my own parents about things in college and high school, and finding out that it always, always ends in a bigger mess than necessary.

If there is any possible way that you can tell your parents that you want to come home, but that one of the nights you are there you will be going out with some friends for a birthday party, or some other near-to-close version of the truth, I would go that route.  If that is absolutely not feasible at all, I would say the following:

Go with your gut.  If you absolutely must lie to your parents and must see this girl, then you have to be ready for the consequences.  If you lie and you get caught, you have to be able to understand their loss of trust in you, and you should also do your best to communicate that you love them, that you are sorry, and that all you want is to be able to tell them all the things about your life…but you are unable to do that because they are unable to allow you the room to be yourself.

Filed under spending money parents relationships gay lesbian long distance trust advice

14 notes

“You guys don’t have to have an extensive answer to this, but i just started college and i feel so lonely. Is this normal?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Yup. It’s also totally normal to feel scared, lost and under pressure. 

Going into college is a HUGE step. Now, I know there are all these different circumstances. Like, maybe college is right down the street from home and you still live with your parents and it’s no different OR MAYBE YOU MOVED 3000 MILES ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND ONLY SEE YOUR PARENTS AND FRIENDS ONCE A YEAR….and then there’s all the in between. SO I CAN’T GET TOO SPECIFIC BC I DON’T KNOW YOUR SITCH. 

Here’s what I do know. You’re starting off in an environment you know nothing about. High school doesn’t ACTUALLY prepare us for college and college doesn’t ACTUALLY prepare us for the real world. Yes, they are tiny steps in the right direction, but no, you cannot possibly be prepared for college before you get there. Academically, sure, you’re fine. BUT SOCIALLY it’s a fucking whirlwind. 

Even when I had friends I felt really lonely sometimes, you guys. Growing up is really terrifying and just because you’re on a campus with other people who are doing it, doesn’t mean it’ll be any easier. I do think colleges make a really valiant effort to make newbies feel welcome, there are all those silly dorm ice cream nights, and cafeteria waffles at midnight and cultural events (LIKE FOR EXAMPLE EVERYONEISGAY.COM VISITING YOUR SCHOOL)…don’t be afraid to venture out and do those things. They seem silly, but they’re fun, and WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS GOING TO TURN DOWN WAFFLES AT MIDNIGHT?!

Kristin Says:

If ever there was a good definition of ‘normal,’ feeling lonely as hell in a new and unfamiliar environment is spot on.  Routines, usually, keep most of us feeling balanced and a little further away from the terrifying abyss of life, you know? 

It’s like…when I know to set my alarm for 9am and I know I have to go to the gym at 9:30am and I always see the same golden retriever dog named Ted walking down 27th Street on my way home, etcetera, everything feels familiar and I feel calm.  When things change, though (like, if I suddenly have to pack up my belongings for a month and go to a bunch of different college campuses to talk to students and I have NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE), things get really, really unstable in my brain and I am suddenly aware of my life in a different way and feeling uncertain and, often times, lonely.

You are in a brand new environment, regardless of how far it is from home, and that is scary and unfamiliar.  It will take time for you to feel settled.

First: Take a deep breath. 

Second: Be patient for at least a few weeks with the ebbs and flows of adjusting to your new environment and getting a new routine.

Third: Involve yourself in a few activities, and then call your friends from high school and tell them how soggy those midnight waffles tasted. 

Fourth: Remember that, while you are sitting under your college covers in your dorm room wondering what this all means, there are thousands of people doing the same thing…and all of you will figure out a different answer.

Filed under college feelings lonely lonliness feeling scared lost college long distance growing up normal breathe advice

58 notes

I met this girl online (it's totes legit, I swear) and I'm fairly sure she likes me a whole lot more than I like her. But like, sometimes I REALLY like her, ya know, but other times I'm like ugh. She wants me to drive the 600 miles to see her, but I feel like she's not going to be what I expect... Advice?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says: 

I MEANNNNNN… 

600 Miles. That’s like, a 10 hour drive. 

You can do one of two things. 

1. drive there and figure out whether or not you like her. 

2. not drive there. not figure out whether or not you like her. continue to get bugged about driving there. 

I mean, i guess there are more choices. nothing is really black and white. but having a relationship based primarily on internet and phone is HARD. it’s hard as fuck and it basically will thrive on the moments you can see each other IRL. So, if you want to do this, do it. if you don’t want to do it….don’t do it. 

HERE IS THE THING ABOUT THE THING… if you’re already like ‘ugh’ sometimes and you haven’t even met her…maybe you should re-evaluataysh your relaysh. #ididthatforrhymingpurposes

I fully believe in meeting people on the internet. I know someone who met her husband on the internet and they’ve been married 10 years and have three kids and still make each other LOL. You could have met your soul mate on the internet #kristindoesntbelieveinsoulmates BUT LIKE your soul mate #tryingtomakekristinangry won’t make you go ‘ugh’ before you even meet her. 

Either give her a REAL chance, or get real with whatchu feel ##rhyming.

Kristin Says:

You know what?  Don’t go and meet her.

You already think she likes you way more than you like her, and you are already getting irritated with her without ever having been in the same location…so.  I don’t think you even really like her that much.  I think she probably does some cute things and maybe she shows you her boobs sometimes and like, who doesn’t like cute things and boobs?  The problem is that those things aren’t enough to sustain a relationship, and they certainly aren’t enough to warrant a six hundred mile drive. 

You are going to be annoyed before you even GET there, because it sounds like you already know in your gut that you don’t even want to go.

If, however, you still go because the boobs/cute gets the best of you, the only way it will be a successful trip is if you leave all of the “ughs” behind and allow yourself to experience time with her in the moment.  If you still feel like “UGH,” then just be thankful for the twenty hours of car time that you have to listen to Katy Perry and Ray Charles.  #thosearethealbumsthatdannielleandiwouldhaveinourcar

Filed under advice internet dating long distance katy perry ray charles car boobs cute like

11 notes

Okay... So this is the deal. I am in law school in Britain and my perfect girlfriend of a year and a half is in genius college in Boston. For the next 3 years we will only see each other for 4 months out of the year. However, we are both completely certain that it will work and that each other is the "one" (I am realizing how lesbian all of this is, but bear with me) and think that getting small matching tattoos in hidden places would be more age-appropriate than engagement rings. Feelings on this?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I mean, I don’t really understand why you HAVE to have engagement rings or tattoos. If you’re going to be together forever just be together forever. If you know for a fact you’re going to get married in the summer of 2013, then you should get engagement rings because you are planning your wedding. 

If you don’t believe in marriage, you should get tattoos. 

If you’re like ‘well, we’re in love, but we don’t need to plan a wedding, marriage might be too intense’ then you probably shouldn’t do either. 

Here’s the thing. I always vote you should never get a tattoo for anyone but you. You shouldn’t permanently ink something on your skin and create a scar that will last forever for someone else. Now, if the both of you love the same Ani Defranco lyric and you want to get it tattooed in Papyrus font on your ribs, go for it. 

If I wanted to be engaged to someone and bitch was like ‘naaah lets get tattoos’ i would get REAL GIRLY ON HER ASS and be like ‘YOU DON’T LOVE ME ENOUGH’ or something… probably. 

No one can make this decision for you. Talk it out and be smart. Rings are expensy but tattoos can be awkward if you ever have to change “Wendy” to “The Wendy City” with an elaborate sketch of the Chicago skyline…plus you’ll have to think up a story…

Kristin Says:

Dannielle spelled Ani DiFranco wrong. #shame

In other news, I disagree with the statement that rings are for people who believe in marriage and tattoos are for people who don’t.  If you want to have a wedding ceremony but you want to have ink instead of silver, no one is going to arrest you.  You have to do whatever holds the most meaning to you both.

I do, however, have a bit of an issue with saying that wedding tattoos are more ‘age-appropriate.’  The exchange of wedding rings is a ritual that dates back to Ancient Rome, so like, I don’t think 2010 is all of a sudden the year when it ages out.  If you are a person who takes meaning in tradition, it doesn’t matter if it is the year 43,675…the ring is still the symbol of marriage that has existed for centuries.  If you are a person who takes meaning in crafting your own traditions, then rock on with your tattooed self.

Most important thing to consider: if things go sour, rings can be thrown away or pawned for a new Playstation II.  Tattoos are, quite literally, forever.  So, my personal advice would be to get something that symbolizes your love for each other instead of the words ‘I LOVE WENDY AND HER RED HAIR AND HER GREEN EYES.’  (That was kind of the same joke that Dannielle made, but I am aware of that fact so get over it.)

Filed under long distance engagment tattoos gay lesbian LGBTQ advice

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