-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Because you’re in the beginning stages. Soon enough you’ll be so mad you can’t breathe. Then you’ll wanna bone everything that walks. Then you won’t be mad, but you’ll just need to take a break from even thinking about them, delete them from facebook, stop talking to them, etc. Then you’ll start checking their tumblr once in a while to see what they’re up to and they’ll email you to say ‘great job’ on whatever thing you’re doing and you’ll be able to go to friend events without feeling out of sorts. Then you’ll be friends. 

All of this happens differently for each human. Some people get stuck in the mad stage forEVER. Some people skip immediately to taking a break or boning strangers. Some people try to be friends right away. No matter what order your shit goes in, you’ll have to experience all these feelz before you can get to an emotionally stable place. Trust me. Don’t try to skip the sad, don’t try to skip the mad, don’t try to force the friendship and let yourself feel. 

Having good memories is a beautiful thing. Hold onto those, the worst thing I ever did at the end of a relaysh is forget the good and focus on the bad. I literally don’t have a single good memory from a relationship I was in for an entire year. That’s pretty messed up. Don’t let that happen to you. Don’t replace the good with bad just to make yourself feel a little less. Remember that love comes into our lives for different reasons and regardless of how it ends or why it ends, make sure you always have the ability to appreciate that love. 

Kristin Says:

{Kristin stands at her desk and claps solemnly}

D, THAT WAS SOME GOOD ASS ADVICE.

Now to you, Anon: You are only remembering the good parts because your brain-heart just wants to be back in the arms of someone you trust and love. Your brain-heart says “WE MISS BEING ABLE TO LOVE ON SOMEONE, THIS IS SO STUPID,” and then barrages your brain with all the pictures of things that were wonderful. It’s a game of trickery aimed at making you feel like you made the wrong decision… but let me tell you this: people don’t break up with each other “by accident.”

Deciding to break up with someone is a hard and complicated process, and it always involves wrestling with good memories. Each one of my relationships had incredible, beautiful moments… but the relationships weren’t right in much bigger ways. During my last break-up I spent about a month explaining DILIGENTLY to my ex that we were SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER AND BE MARRIED AND I KNEW IT IN MY GUTS… and you guys, that could literally not have been farther from the truth. 

You know your brain-heart, Anon. Allow it to flood you with those memories and sob it out while listening to Kelly Clarkson’s “Cry,” and remember that you broke up for very valid reasons. The hurt will subside after you let it tear you to bits. It’s just the way these things work.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I have a few things to say about this topic. I think we gaywads need to stop saying things like ‘heteronormative’ …bc like 1. you sound like an asshole. and 2. you’re literally reinforcing this thing you say you can’t stand. If you don’t think that it should be ‘the norm’ take a few steps forward by NOT SAYING IT IS. whew. 

Second of all, hate stems from fear. From the little things to the giant things, hate always stems from fear. You hate your ex bc she hurt you and you’re afraid it will happen again. You hate racism because we are all people and you’re afraid if everyone doesn’t understand that, then your friends will lose their rights or maybe even get hurt. SOME PEOPLE hate gays because they don’t get it and like “why would someone choose to sin,” they’re afraid it’s contagious and if it’s not stopped, everyone will be gay and no one will go to heaven. Hatin’ is Fearin’ and it might not make sense or be the right way of thinking, but there’s your answer. 

THIRD OF ALL, society does not ‘unilaterally despise same-sex’ ANYTHING. That is an incredibly ignorant statement. Now, I’m sure that you’re just in a tizzy because something happened and you’re feeling real bummed about how hateful some people can be, but dude, you have GOT to give credit where credit is due. Our society has made major strides in the past few decades and we should continue to use our efforts to move that change train forward. If we send around self-loathing and talk about how everyone hates us, that is literally all you will ever feel. You guys, there is so much strength in your words, use those words to inspire and create something amazing. Vote. Vote. Vote. Talk about the shit that bothers you and tell the people who are doing amazing things, that they are doing amazing things. No need to talk about haters bc haters gonna hate and they can talk amongst themselves. The more people making positive change, the more likely we are to change the world positively… get it?

Kristin Says:

You know, us humans are some pretty complicated and messed up creatures - I can tell you that for damn sure. There are two big reasons that I can think of in terms of why homophobia exists. One is the fact that, as humans, many of us seem convinced that we must apply a value system that was created centuries ago to a world that is now entirely different. Marriage in its original conception was created for the exchange of commerce in livestock and women. You literally traded your daughters for more property and extra cows… 

Now, I’m not sure of the exact evolution of marriage as it relates to love and such, but I do know that ‘love = marriage’ most certainly is a newer concept. We could talk about patriarchy and shit for like a half a year right about now, but let’s SKIP THAT and just get to the part where NOW, here we are telling people what the bible says about marriage when the bible wasn’t even talking about the same thing you guys.

The second thing, I think, has to do with gender norms and the way our society communicates those (both overtly and subtly) through every and any media outlet available. For a lot of people, the fact that they have been taught what is ‘correct’ and ‘normal’ since birth means that anything that doesn’t align with those norms must be WRONG BAD OH MY GOD TOTALLY THREATENING AHHHHHH… You know? So, there’s the fear part Dannielle was talking about.

The bottom line is that we always have to be conscious of what we are fighting for and how we are fighting for it. The argument for gay marriage is great when it is humans asking for equal rights, but it gets tricky when we start to say, “Hey we  are just like you, so can we also have rights now?” We should all have equal rights regardless of who or what we are like - regardless of whether or not we orbit around monogamy or family values.

The important thing is to remember that this isn’t just about HOMOphobia, y’all. This is about all of us as humans telling other people that they are wrong and we are right. Many of us - even the big gaywads - do this to other individuals and groups constantly. Be aware.

PS: A bunch of what I said up there, in my opinion, is what the word “heteronormative” means, so… if you are using that in the academic world to communicate four pages of thought in one word, you have my blessing. If, however, you are telling your mom to stop being so heteronormative, you might want to reconsider the context. Unless she is a gender studies professor. You know?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

1. Line the hallway with teddy bears. 

2. Ask on the JumboTron at a KNICKS game. 

3. Plan a cute vacation and don’t propose while you’re there, but when you get home be like ‘oh yea btw, will you be my man-wife’

4. Use the term ‘man-wife’

5. Tie the ring to the collar of someone else’s dog and then pretend you’re being attacked by said dog, your boyf will come to the rescue and damn WILL HE BE SURPRISED! 

6. Get a semi-local-celebrity (think car dealership owner or future city councilman) to propose on your behalf. 

7. Bake the ring into a pie.

8. Give him a mood ring and say ‘can we be bff’ and when he looks at you like you’re a goon, be like ‘JAYKAY YALL and give him a sparkly ring for marriage time.

Kristin Says:

1. HAHAHAHAHA BAKE THE RING INTO A PIE. BAKE. THE. FUCKING. RING. INTO. A. FUCKING. PIE.

2. Be like, “Hey want to hear my new rap?” and then have your friend pop out of the bushes and start beat-boxing and then be like, “Hey yo boy, you’re my toy, but now I’d like, to take a hike, down the aisle, for all the mile (s).” Then get down on one knee.

3. Scream really loudly like this: “AHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!” and when he’s like, “omg are you ok what’s going on,” be like, “Everything is fine, I just thought that would be a fun way to start a proposal story,” and when he’s like, “What?” … get down on one knee and do your thang.

4. Take him cliff diving and just as he takes his jump shout down, “WILL YOU MARRRY ME THOOOOO?”

5. Ask him while he’s pooping.

6. Take him to dinner and then for a walk around the park, and when no one is around and all you can hear is the crickets, take his hands into yours and ask him if he will spend forever with you. When you get home, show him this post and tell him he should be really happy you didn’t chose option #5

7. Cut and paste all of your and his favorite celebrities heads on a piece of paper with the heading, “People who want you to say yes.” Hand him the card and when he looks confused, ask him to marry your fool ass.

8. When you get into bed and you are spooning him real good, wrap your arms around him so that you are holding the ring in front of his face in bed. From behind him, whisper into his ear, “Will you please marry me?”

The end.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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