My friend just started dating this girl. I should say first this girl is cute, cool, and my friend is really happy. The thing is, by some evil twist of fate, I saw my friends new girl pick her nose and fully eat it. She was snacking on her nose goo! I mean, what if they are kissing one day and a booger slips out from between her teeth and into my friends mouth? I feel like if there was ever a time I needed to step up as a friend, this is it. But how? Do I warn my friend? Talk to the girl? Keep my mouth shut because this is just kind of silly? Why does life have to be so complicated all the time?

-Question submitted by charliemoon

Dannielle Says: 

aaaaaaaaahahahahahhaahahaha boogers. 

To be honest, if I were you I’d never say anything, and it would eat at my insides (boogers) until I one day got in a fight with my BFF and then yelled ‘WHATEVER SONDRA EATS BOOGERS AND THEN YOU MAKE OUT WITH HERDD’ …i also decided your booger eater friend was named sondra… is that even a name? I, also, accidentally typed D’s at the end of ‘her’ AND I’M KEEPING IT THERE B/C TYPOS HAPPEN. 

NO, BUT SRSLY… I wouldn’t say anything, just because it might really hurt your friends feelings, even tho it’s not her, it’s her boo…I know, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s true… You’ll hurt her feelings and then your friendship will be weird and you’ll be like ‘wow…i lost a friend over some boogers’ 

Kristin Says:

This one time, I was in my car (back when I had a car), and there was a limo next to me at a red light, and in the backseat of the limo was this GUY who was all FANCY and he was picking his nose…and I stared in fascination, and then he pulled his finger out of his nose and STUCK IT IN HIS MOUTH AND ATE IT.  Then I gagged, then the car behind me honked because I was sitting at a green light.  I literally gagged.

It’s like, I can get behind all sorts of behavior and lifestyle choices.  I have arguments with people on why having sex with ten people at a time should be anyone’s choice, and DON’T JUDGE THEM…but I just cannot get on the booger train. 

WHY WOULD ANYONE DO SUCH A THING?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

That all said, you are going to have to just swallow this (boogers), because it is an incredibly awkward thing to relay to someone, and it is just going to end badly.  What is your friend going to possibly do with that information?  ”Ummmm, Sondra, I am really sorry, but my friend saw you eating your own boogers, so I don’t think this is going to work anymore.”  I don’t think that sentence has ever been spoken in human history…and I don’t think it should start now.

Take a deep breath and pretend you never saw that.  Convince yourself that you must have seen wrong.  I have already convinced myself of this so as not to vomit on my computer keyboard.

And please don’t be a dick and go telling all of your friends about it, because that is just plain disrespectful.  

What happens in boogertown, stays in boogertown. (copyright 2011, Kristin Russo) 

Filed under advice nose goo booger ew disgusting nose friend silly bff dick

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