If you have a conversation with a girl (who you like and who likes you) that goes like this: “I like the name Rue.” “I like it too… a lot.” “But I wouldn’t use it for a future daughter because I know a girl named Ruth who goes by Ru.” “But but but… damn.” and then she won’t explain what she means, does that mean that the girl definitely wants to have babies with you?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I mean, yes, she absolutely wants to be impregnated with your seed. #omgsick

I vote you start a conversation with “So, now that we have a baby on the way….” and then ask her to coffee. OR YOU COULD SAY “I know you said no for Rue, so can we name our baby Primrose or you know someone with that name too? What’s going on here?” and then when she giggles… MAKE OUT ON HER FACE. 

Also, I can’t really tell who is who in this situation, did she say no to rue for your fyutch baby or did you, bc if you did, then you should switch that last idea so that you’re offering another suggestion for your future child. 

Also Also, you should prolly just go up to her and pull up this post on your phone and be like ‘LOL EVERYONEISGAY.COM ANSWERED MY QUESTION’ and when she reads it be sure to look at her with your eyes all wide and scary so when she’s done reading she looks up and you’re creepily staring at her… that’s the best idea… that’s what you should….do that.

Kristin Says:

EVERYONE CALM TF DOWN.

Listen.

You having a conversation with a girl you like about names you like and ‘future daughters’ is a few things:

1. Totally, adorably cute. Good job.

2. Completely, incredibly, 100% not at all reflective of actually being pregnant together and naming your actual, real flesh, baby-child.

I agree with Dannielle. Go on and be like, “OMG REMEMBER WHEN WE ARE HAVING BABIES TOGETHER AND NOT NAMING THEM RUE?!” and then… #makeoutonherface

Apart from that, no, a conversation about Rue/Ruth/Ru doesn’t mean that girlnonymous wants to have your actual babies. Everyone. Calm. Down.

Filed under advice gay kitchen lgbtq megan fox meganfox pretty ladies pregnant baby everyone is gay adorable cute calm down

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“I’ve always loved babies, but lately I’ve become obsessed. I’ve been looking up names, and it’s like I have the overwhelming urge to have a baby. I am no where in the situation where that would be plausible, let alone a good idea. I had a little break-down last week when my father told me he didn’t believe in gay adoption. I guess the reality that it could be really difficult for me to have a child hit me. Do many people usually feel like this?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

You guys, remember in JUNO when she got pregnant? It’s like THAT COULD NEVER BE ME… and it’s soooo depressing. I mean, no, it’s not depressing bc like, if I got accidentally pregnant right now my life would be totally different and I would cry all the time bc I would be pregnant and wanting to drink pickle juice while crammed in a car and touring high schools…so like… it would be bad timing, BUT YOU GET MY POINT. 

The thing about being unable to have chitlins with two uteri or two peni or a uteri and peni that aren’t able to make babies is that sometimes it can take upwards of five years to get approved for adoption, or it can cost upwards of 50k to get a surrogate. It’s expensive and you wait forever and it can be so draining and terrible and I am already dreading the day BUT ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS:

because if some part of you doesn’t squeeze and squish and melt and make a noise that stays in your throat…you and i have nothing in common… 

I think that most of us hit a stage in our lives where we just wanna smash our cheeks on a baby cheek. I also know wtf you’re feeling when you say you’re getting discouraged and sad bc it will be such an ongoing intensive experience and that is SO HARD to actually wrap your head around. 

It will take time and it will be worth it. All you can do now is know your dad is COMPLETELY WRONG IN HIS CLOSE-MINDED WAY OF THINKING, and there are so many of us who feel exactly what you feel.

Kristin Says:

Well. Here’s the thing. It absolutely does NOT have to be that hard to have a baby. Dannielle gave some examples that can be true, but are also some of the extremes of the situation.

I have friends who tried for six months to have a baby through the way of the sperm bank, and they were so discouraged and giving up hope because nothing was working… and then an incredible friend of theirs stepped forward and said he wanted them to try with him as the donor. They literally flew out to where this boy lived, used a plastic syringe to move the sperm from a cup to my friend (#sick) and got pregnant. THE FIRST TIME. WITH NO DOCTORS AND JUST A SYRINGE AND SOME GROSS SPERM.

No offense, sperm.

I also just learned about a place here in Manhattan called Spence-Chapin that does adoptions on a sliding scale based on income, and where they work with the women who are pregnant to make sure they are taken care of (an important and often overlooked part of the adoption process), and where the wait for a baby is typically between 6 months and 2 years.

So, let me tell you that, while I understand it being an overwhelming feeling, when you are ready for a baby to be a part of your life, you can make that an absolute reality. It may not be as easy as boning your loved one in your bedroom, sure, but it certainly doesn’t have to be a drawn-out, never-ending battle.

As far as your dad is concerned, I am going to stop short of calling him ignorant (although that is an incredibly frustrating concept that many people have AND I CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND), and tell you to ask him if that means he doesn’t think you will be a good parent. Ask him why he feels this way, and try to talk to him about the way you see things, and the reasons you know you will be a good parent to a child. It may take him some time, it may never be something he agrees with, but you should at least begin in a place where you are trying to help him understand that any baby would be the luckiest pipsqueak on Earth to have to loving parents. Then show him this picture of Romeo, who has two moms and is the happiest, cutest little shit I’ve ever known:

Filed under advice babies baby obsession high school cars pickles adorable cute pregnant sperm father everyoneisgay kristin dannielle lgbt

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“My cat is pregnant and is going to give birth around january 9th. How do I stop myself from vomiting during the labour so I can help her?”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

1. hahahhahahahahahahahahh #sick

2. I’m wondering if you’re like, british, and you know how they say ‘bird’ when they mean hottie/babe, like…what if you’re saying ‘cat’ and you mean wife… you know?

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. 

If this is legit about your cat, I want you to know I GET IT bc those tiny animals come out slimy as fuck and make weird gurgely noises and I totally understand how you’d be grossed out by that, BUT I can guarantee that after they’re cleaned off and the baby kittens open their tiny eyes and try to squeeze out a real meow and it sounds like ‘eeow’ you’ll be like ‘OH NORTH DAKOTA WHY IS THIS THE CUTEST THING EVER’ and all your friends and family will want to own all the kittens and you will cry always because everything is so fluffy and like… HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE DUMB PEACH FUZZ THAT SURROUNDS A KITTENS BODY…AND HOW THEIR EARS ARE FIVE TIMES THE SIZE OF THEIR HEADS!??!! 

so…anonymom..focus on that. Remember that you’re helping to bring new life into the world and when you get grossed out either picture the cute fluffy kittykat or picture the nsync music video, ‘byebyebye’… and giggle to yourself.

Kristin Says:

So. First off, also: hahahahahahahaha.

Secondly. Please hold while I google, “my cat is giving birth what the fuck do I do”…

OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU:

1. Lucky for you, you just have to check in with momma cat, because they really don’t like when you interfere, and can pretty much handle things on their own. Which is kind of how cats are about everything, so that makes sense.

2. If she is struggling for more than an hour before one kitten pops out you should call the vet to see what they say to do.

3. Make sure SHE DOESN’T LAY ON THE BABY KITTENS. She should clean em and keep em warm but sitting on them is taking it one step too far…obviously.

…I know all you asked for was how not to vomit, but I feel like the answer is in paying attention to these steps and focusing on the needs of catmom and not sitting there, completely clueless, staring at your cats hooha for 12 hours.  You know?!

4. THIS ARTICLE SAYS IF A KITTEN LOOKS COLD JUST PUT IT IN YOUR SHIRT AND IT WILL KEEP WARM FROM YOUR BODY HEAT. #dead

5. Once the kittens are born, or, at any moment when you feel ill, play this song.

I hope that helps, Anonymous. Godspeed.

Also, if you refer to your wife as “cat,” I still think the above should help.

Filed under advice culture britain pregnant birth cat kittens nsync google wife everyone is gay lgbq

95 notes

i tried talking to my mom about sex a few times, but she blew up at me about how big of a deal it is. i understand its a big deal, but i just want to have a rational conversation about it and i feel like i can't talk things through with her, but she just sticks on how its not a "fun thing" and only for "life partners". how can i try to get to the bottom of all my questions and have her listen to my side without alienating her?

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

When you say “hey mom, can we talk about safe sex” what your mom hears is “hey mom, i’m pregnant” or “hey mom, I have chlamydia” …I mean, you and I both know that’s not what you’re saying, but like…you came out of her loins and you have to understand that sometimes moms (or dads or guardians or big sisters/brothers) jump into freak out mode before they jump into ‘rational conversation’ mode.

So, you can do a couple of things.

1. Find a different grown-up to talk to, maybe a guidance counselor, a health teacher, a doctor, a college professor, family friend, aunt/uncle ETC.

2. ASK THE QUESTIONS ON EVERYONEISGAYDOTCOM.

3. Tell your mom you’re not going to run out and give away your virginity to the first homeless man you see, but you’d like to know wtf a dental dam is, tell her if she won’t have the convo, you’re going to ask someone else and does she really want the sex-life of her baby in the hands of some 24 year old hoodlum she doesn’t know?!?!?!

At the same time, maybe she just hates talking about sexi-thangs in general, you know? Maybe she’s just NOT going to do it. DON’T BE MAD AT HER, TALKING ABOUT SEXI IS HARD AND WEIRD ##thatswhatshesaid

Kristin Says:

Once, when I was a freshman in college, I accidentally wound up with a hickey on my neck for parents’ weekend, and my mom pulled me aside and was like, “ARE YOU USING CONDOMS?”

Point being, yeah…moms and other parental figures get a little carried away when it comes to extrapolating on the sexy-time-teen-evidence and convincing themselves that you actually are hiding four babies underneath your bed.

That said, you are so flipping awesome for feeling comfortable enough to go to your mom with those questions, and I am going to stand up and clap for you. I swear, I really just stood up and clapped. When I was a teenager, the last thing I ever wanted to do was to talk to my parents about anything aside from whether or not they could do my laundry. I think you should try one more time with your mom, and say something like this:

“Hey, mom. I know that you don’t want to talk to me about safe sex because you think that I will take that as permission to sleep with tons of people, but I really need you to listen to me. I have questions and I thought you were the best person to ask, and I think that the safest thing to have at my disposal is knowledge…because otherwise I am just swimming around out here not knowing what is what. Sex is a big deal to me, too, and that is why it is important enough to talk about openly. If I can’t come to you with these questions, I am going to be responsible enough to get answers from someone else, and I think you should be proud of me for that. If it makes you too uncomfortable, I understand and I just want you to remember that I love you and that you have raised me to make good decisions for myself. “

Any adults reading this? Keeping your kids, or any kids, in the dark about sex will only lead them to seek out their own answers…and a lot of times when they go looking for those answers without the knowledge of how to keep things safe, shit gets really scary.

In the words of Salt N Pepa, “Let’s talk about sex, baby.”

Filed under advice sex fun life partners pregnant salt n pepa kids

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