Dannielle Says:

This is really hard. I know what you’re going through. You can’t simply write him off bc he’s your dad, but having him in your life is only negative, there isn’t really a positive. When you talk to him you feel bad about yourself, when you don’t talk to him you feel bad about yourself. You feel guilty for not wanting him around, but you feel shitty when he is around. It’s the world’s worst catch 22. He’s your dad, for boob’s sake. I’m sure you’ve talked to people before and they’ve been like ‘fuck that, don’t talk to him anymore’ and you’re like ‘UGH YOU DON’T GET IT’ bc while not having to deal with him would be the BEST, it’s also the worst, bc then you’ve put yourself in a position where you’ve actively made the decision to cut a part of your family out of your life.

Here is what I suggest. Realize that your happiness is much bigger than one relationship. Not all parents are perfect, not all friends are perfect, not all significant others are perfect. We have to recognize the relationship we have and set some boundaries. You and your father don’t have to be bff’s and talk about everything to have a good relationship. You could be a lot happier seeing him 3 times a year, talking to him on the phone once a month and just giving him a general run-down of your life. You don’t have to have deep conversations, you don’t have to introduce him to everyone you love, you don’t have to include him in everything you do.

Right now he isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated so it’s on you to figure out how/where he can fit in your life without making it more stressful/hard. Don’t feel like, because he’s your dad, you have to involve him 100%…some people just don’t work well together and, honestly, you’ll be so much happier once you figure out that it’s okay to put yourself first. Two people who are respectful to one another and get along okay but don’t see each other all the time will be A LOT HAPPIER than two people who are trying to force a relationship to be something it’s not.

#boobssake

Kristin Says:

Hot damn, you guys.  That Dannielle girl really said some good words up there, am I right?!

First of all, I would like to tell you that my roommate has a name for people who always think they are right: Mr. Better Way.  So, as a smaller, light-hearted method of coping, I would like you to picture my roommate, Randi, calling your Dad a Mr. Better Way, and then all of us laughing together about that nickname. To make things even better, she just told me how to say it in Spanish: Senor Sabelotodo.

SENOR SABELOTODO.

Second of all, on the level that Dannielle has already covered, we know that calling your dad Senor Sabelotodo won’t fix that awful pang of wishing that you had a better relationship with your parent.  The first step is to breathe, and to know that his personality traits and insecurities are not reflective of the way he truly feels about you, and that your disagreements don’t cancel out the things you do have in common. 

Going away for two weeks is a really tough environment when you have been feeling tense to begin with, so that whole breathing thing will be super crucial in making it through your trip together.  I would also suggest that you talk to your dad, and don’t approach it from a place of who is right and who is wrong, but rather from a place of reminding him that you love him.

I know, I KNOW, you want to scream and tell him that he has hurt you and a million other things, and there is definitely a time for all of those truths to be told.  Right now, though, it might be best to say, “Hey, Dad, I know we have been having a lot of disagreements lately, and I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry we have been butting heads so much, and that I love you very much.  I want to make our time away together something that is good for both of us, what do you think?”

Stay focused on the loving and caring parts of your dad-feelings, and use those to help you navigate through the angrier ones.

Does that make sense?

Dannielle Says:

OH. HALE. NAH.

You absolutely 100% should feel fucking weird as shit about this.

I mean, what are the circumstances? Bc if it’s like ‘we were at the beach and then we did that shower thing right before we came back onto the dock and we thought it was going to be cold but it was hot AND IT WAS THE WORST’ then okay…whatever, they were sandy and sprinkled their feet off…but if YOU’RE TELLING ME. THESE BITCHASSHOES WERE BUCK-NEKED #imfromthesouth IN THE SHOWER. TOGETHER.. OH. HALE. NAH.

I can’t imagine why this would be okay. BUT I MUST STEP BACK AND SAY TO EACH HIS OWN. Okay, whatever your gf showers with her friends. #ihatethis it’s something she’s always done #ugh and she OF COURSE doesn’t want to bone her bestie #blargh but now, life is different. She is with you and you absolutely should voice your uncomfort (is that a word?) You should be like ‘yo gf, i know you and your friends shower together and that’s your thing, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it’s not that i don’t trust you, it’s just that, i hate the idea of anyone else being naked with you’

if she doesn’t get it, i can’t ever be friends with her.

Kristin Says:

HAHHAHAHA.  Oh MAN, you guys, I love when Dannielle puts herself right in there with y’all #notfromthesouth and say OH HALE NAH.  It is one of my favorite things.

This is a tricky one, Anonymous.  It’s like, everyone has different naked boundaries, and that makes drawing lines really complicated.  Por ejemplo, if I have to pee and one of my friends is in the room, I feel completely comfortable talking to them about how high my air conditioning bill is while I pee…you know?  For some people, this is HORRIFYING and they are only able to pee in complete isolation with the water running.  While I’m not really comfortable enough to be totally naked with anyone but my boo, I am totally fine to drink coffee in my underwear while still chatting about the air conditioning bill. It is all relative to your naked-comfort level.

My point is, don’t talk to your girlfriend like she is crazy and gross for showering with her bestie.  To her it might seem like the most normal and everyday occurance on the planet.  That doesn’t mean, however, that it should continue to happen if it makes you uncomfortable.  If you can, don’t approach the conversation from a place of ‘YOU WILL STOP DOING THIS OR I WILL LEAVE YOU, YOU CRAZY NAKED BITCH,” but rather, “Yo, this is something that really bothers me, and I know that to you it might seem irrational, but can we talk about it to maybe find common ground?’

If she gets that you feel uncomfortable but also is able to feel like you understand that it never meant anything to her apart from sisterhoods of the traveling no-pants, there will probably be more room for her to say, ‘Hm. It really doesn’t matter to me, so I am okay not doing it anymore.’  

Like always, talk about it honestly and openly.  There should always be room for compromise.