- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

SENTIMENTAL SONG CHOICE: “I’VE BEEN LOVING YOU TOO LONG” VIA OTIS REDDING (montage of you with floating books)

First of all, I’ve had my friend, Marie’s, copy of “Time Travelers Wife” for, like, five years. So… you could steal from your friends to save money **omg jk don’t steal**

I remember when I was younger moms were super into the envelope system. You get your check, cash it and separate the bills into diff envelopes. Rent, Utilities, Phone, Credit Cards, Groceries, Car, Insurance, Misc. They would carry around the envelopes they needed for certain things and leave the others at home… or like, carry an accordion file in their purse or something. WHO KNOWS. I did something similar when I was working at a coffeeshop a few years back. I had two mugs on my bookshelf. One was for bills and one was for not bills… Not the greatest system in the world, but my rent was never late! 

We all make mistakes, ESPECIALLY concerning money and you sort of have to learn what works best for you. I can tell you to put your shit in envelopes or mugs or under your mattress or whatever, but you’ll have to find what works for you and stick with it. I put 50$ in my savings every week. If i skip a week, I skip a week, but I also don’t spend money on dumb stuff that week (i.e. I don’t go to movies or online shop or get a new tattoo, etc). 

Set standards for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Use the things you love as incentive. “If i save this much i get to buy TWO BOOKS.” Find ways to buy cheaper books (half.com / yard sales / community book swaps) and bring your own mug to the coffee shop so you save that 10 cents or whatever. Join a co-op so you put in one hour of work and your groceries are cheaper. Cut corners, be smart, and always pay your rent FIRST. 

Kristin Says:

SENTIMENTAL SONG CHOICE: RIHANNA’S “STAY” (featuring montage of you looking longingly as others dump out cups of fancy coffee drinks)

Dannielle is one million percent correct: this is all about balance and organization and follow-through.

You have to HAVE TO make a budget, y’all. Unless you have thousands of dollars pouring into your bank account ever hour, it is impossible to keep track of what you  spend unless you set limits.

After you read this post, go on to google docs or excel or your email account or get out a pad of looseleaf paper OR WHATEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY, and write down the following:

Every month I make this much money: {$$$}

Every month my bills cost this much money: {$$$}

Every month I have this left over: {$$$}

If you have, say, $200 left over, that means that you proooobably don’t have enough to put much into savings, and you should divide that by four and allow yourself $50 each week for things like books, fancy coffee, and/or beers with friends. That is your “play” money.

OTHER NOTABLE POINTS:

- In the “bills” section, be thorough. If you have a cat, you have to feed the cat. Include that. If you go home to visit your parents about once a month and the train costs $40 round trip, include it. Include things like buying deodorant and toothpaste.

- If you have no money left over, you have to go back to the bills section and see what you can cut out or lower, unless you have the means to make the income go up.

- USED BOOKSTORES AND TO-GO MUGS, Y’ALL.

Okay, so… I think this makes Dannielle and I accountants, now. Congratulations to us and to the IRS, we will look for our bonus check in the mail.

Question by anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

You love unconditionally and hope for the best. That’s what we all have to do. When it comes down to it, every love we have is uncertain. Anything can happen at any moment and living with the expectation of forever is a little silly, if you ask me. 

We have to live for now, and we have to love for now. I’m a firm believer that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. I think we love more than once and in many different ways. I think love is so precious. I think we should never limit the amount with which we love another human. 

I understand all those fears that come along with loving someone, I get that…but, you guys, no amount of ‘knowing’ how long you’ll be with someone will make any of those feelings less scary or less feelingy. 

When you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with “what ifs” and “what abouts” stop and take a deep breath. Look over at the person you’re whatiffing and remember why you’re with them RIGHT NOW. Who cares about two days from now, love that human now. If it’s supposed to last forever, it will. You will both work hard and compromise and communicate and it will work. 

Kristin Says:

The only way to love without the expectation of forever is to know that we never, ever know what our futures will hold. This is a scary, sometimes completely overwhelming thought - but it is the truth. We can plan everything down to the most minute detail; we can get a steady job, have a savings account, date people who we know will help with the laundry and the yard work for that day we have a yard… and the reality is that our plan is never completely ours to execute.

Some of us view that reality in the context of there being a higher power outside of ourselves who has a plan for us. Some of us view that reality by accepting that we cannot control all aspects of life, and that “what will be will be.” Some of us get into the fetal position and cry. All of those responses make sense to me — this shit is scary!

Regardless of how you view the uncertainty of life, though, the most positive approach to loving someone under these circumstances is to appreciate each and every moment for the moment itself. Now - you aren’t the f*cking Dalai Lama, so you aren’t going to be able to do that all the time. I am going to echo Dannielle a bit and say that in those moments when your brain is like HEY ANONYMOUS YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, you should look back at your brain and say, “Listen brain, I know that. I know that and it scares me, but I cannot control it and right now, in this moment, I am happy.”

-Question submitted by missingthemisses

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Dannielle Says: 

Oh man. Let me tell you a story about ole bag-a-bones over here (read: me, this is a story about myself). I HATE public speaking (that was the story). I mean HATE IT. Which is so weird bc I love theatre and I love acting and I love improv and I love being on stage and in front of a camera. But like… Get me on a stage by myself just talking to talk or thanking someone and I TELL YOU, my entire body is shivering with fear. 

I dunno what it is that causes it, but I’ll tell you how to get rid of it. You have to literally shiver in fear in front of people 600 times and then one day you’re just like ‘fuck it, i’m done’ and it’s fine. It’s like…when I was beginning to audition for shows I’d be terrified to do a monologue. I did monologues for people for 5 years before I could do an okay job. NOW I’M AWESOME. The reason I’m awesome?? I kept doing it and failing and doing it again. I actually did a monologue with my eyes closed once… WHO AM I?! I was just so scared but I knew if I didn’t do the monologue, I couldn’t be in the show (SPOILER ALERT: I didn’t get in the show…)

You guys, we all have to be okay with the fact that we are going to fail miserably sometimes. We’re not supposed to be great at all the same things, we’re supposed to be great at some stuff and suck at other things. You’re not going to be remembered for the things you’re not good at, you’re going to be remembered for the things that make you great. You’ll be remembered for trying, busting your ass, and getting back up after you’ve fallen off the metaphorical horse 15 times. That’s what makes you awesome.

Kristin Says:

Oh my god. The first time that I ever auditioned for a play, I was so nervous that my knees LITERALLY KNOCKED TOGETHER. That is how hard I was shaking. Everyone could see my legs CLANKING TOGETHER. It was so awful.

Also, before going any further I think we should all collectively imagine Dannielle doing an entire monologue with her eyes closed because…. #hahahaha

Here’s the thing: Sometimes when you stand up in front of people your knees will knock and you will feel VERY embarrassed… sometimes you will forget the words that come next and your whole mind will go COMPLETELY blank (this still happens to me sometimes during school events and it is the scariest feeling in all the world)… and sometimes you will be able to squeak out the right words in the right order.

At this moment, your goal should just be to try. When you stand up there, remember Dannielle with her eyes squeezed shut or me with my knees clanking - and remember that despite how terrified we were, the risks we took led us to a place where we are much more comfortable with speaking to others. If you stand up that first time and forget EVERYTHING —- you should still be proud of yourself. You TRIED. 

Dannielle is absolutely, one million percent correct. Allowing ourselves to take risks is how we grow stronger - even in the cases when those risks don’t end in complete success!

PS: On a more practical level, use notecards and practice at least three times before you stand up in class.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Here is what I would do (also, for this exercise your name is Cynthia Sandwich):

1. Buy a Blank Folder.

2. Next time you are in study hall, get out a pencil and blank folder.

3. Begin to draw hearts.

4. In the hearts write “CYNTHIA SANDWICH + HAYDEN PATEENDINARE”

5. Draw MRS. PATENDINAIRE in clouds/hearts/trees all over said folder.

6. Sigh really heavily like you are in love until the boy looks over and sees your art work.

7. Draw boobs.

Kristin Says: 

Alternately, you could:

1. Tell him that you’ve been known to fall for people who are able to successfully make it through two consecutive years of not hitting on you.

2. Explain to him that you have a very, very serious relationship with your cat, who has begun to get extremely jealous and angry toward these advances.

3. Start wearing an engagement ring and propping up a picture at your desk of this woman:

Dannielle Says: 

Last night was the first time in my life I legit thought I was about to be murdered. You guys, I can’t explain to you the room that Kristin, Sloan and I almost had to sleep in…but I can tell you this..

After we decided to leave the murder room, we were putting stuff in the car and heading to what we hoped would be safety and not an alternate universe where we were still in the murder room… but anyway, we were putting stuff in the car, I was loading the trunk and Kristin and Sloan were waiting on me to unlock the doors and i hear two tiny faint screams and then FROM ABOVE MY SELF A LEG THE SIZE OF A TREE TRUCK DESENDS UPON ME AND I SCREAM IN A WAY I HAVE NEVER LET MY FACE MOUTH SOUND. I literally, in my mind, i can’t you guys, this leg was attached to a demon that was going to slice my head off. I almost pooped my pants. Then after my terror I look up and it’s just a boy running and he was like ‘UH, SORRY’ and i stood frozen for at least 12 seconds before i screamed ‘OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.’

Kristin Says:

YOU GUYS. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THERE IS THE MOST HAUNTED ROOM IN ALL THE WORLD LOCATED IN OSWEGO, NY. LET. IT. BE. FUCKING. KNOWN.

We walked in the room and the first thing we saw was a lamp SLASH demon-summoner and an oaken-type wardrobe thing SLASH where you keep dead bodies. Then we walked more into the room and saw A GIANT MIRROR THAT MOST CERTAINLY HAD THE ABILITY TO SUCK YOUR WHOLE SELF INSIDE OF IT WITH ITS TERROR. 

Then Dannielle went to pee and came screaming out of the bathroom, saying, “OH MY GOD THE SHOWER CURTAIN SOMEONE PLEASE CHECK BEHIND IT BC THERE IS A MURDERER BEHIND IT IM SURE!” So I tried to push the curtain back but couldn’t because I knew it would end in my bloody death… 

Then a few other things happened which mostly involved all of us screaming and me gasping for breath and us running to the car (WHERE WE WERE ALMOST KILLED BY A DEMON DEMENTOR FLOATY THING THAT TURNED OUT TO JUST BE A BOY) and getting a hotel in Syracuse.

Lastly, here is a blurry picture of Sloan and I screaming on the bed by the mirror. Be careful, because I am certain that at any moment all of our souls can be sucked right into that picture slash mirror:

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

It took me a long time to figure out exactly what forgiveness meant. I always thought that forgiving someone meant what they did was okay, but that’s not true at all. Forgiveness is much more about feeling confident within your own self. So you’re saying “what you did no longer has complete control over the way I live my life” … if that makes sense?

Right now you’re probably in the headspace where you can’t stop thinking about what happened, you can’t stop obsessing over what was done to you, you can’t stop and see her for who she is because you only see her as the person who hurt you. These are all totally valid feelings. HOWEVER, you will get to the place where you are no longer obsessed with being wronged, and that is when you will have forgiven her. 

Forgiving her also does NOT mean you will continue to have a relationship with her. Trust is a huge part of any relationship and if you feel like trusting her isn’t something you can do right now, address that feeling and don’t try to force it. Do what you need to do to be happy and constantly feeling on edge because you can’t trust someone that you love, is not making you happy… consider ALL OF THOSE THINGS and make your own decision, don’t let her make the decision for you, ya know?

Kristin Says:

For me, forgiving has always been about understanding. I am a person who is constantly trying to see the good in other people, and when I am wronged by someone I work as hard as I can to reach a place where I understand why they have done the things they have done.

A few important things to note: You do not have to accept the actions of the other person in order to forgive them, and you can still view those actions as things that are upsetting or wrong.

Por ejemplo: About ten or so years ago, my mom got really, really sick. So sick that we were pretty sure she was going to die (note: she didn’t, thankfully, she is still alive and begging for grandchildren). I immediately went home to be with my family, and I asked my best friend at the time if he would please come up to be with me. He said no. He said it was too much for him to handle, and that he would be too overwhelmed with his own emotions. 

In my opinion, that was exceptionally hurtful. I have never, ever felt okay with the fact that he was unable to push past his own fear to be with me in what was my most terrifying and gut-wrenching life moment. Now, in the years that followed, we grew farther and farther apart, and we are no longer friends BUT I have also forgiven him. I worked very hard to accept the fact that he was unable to support me because of his own issues, that our relationship was not a healthy one, and that it didn’t make him a bad person… it was simply that his own life experience had left him in a very unstable place.

You will forgive her when you can get to a place where your hurt does not consume you. You will forgive her when you realize that your life is still happening, that it will still contain happiness and laughter and trust and love.  Allow yourself time, work to understand, and remember that sometimes forgiveness means letting go of the expectation that things can go back to “the way they were.”