Dannielle Says: 

It might be confusing, but let’s be real, would u rather them be confused for a little bit now OR confused and mad and uncomfortable bc they feel like you lied to them for YEARS? I mean, that’s a little dramatic, but pretty much once we turn 13 our emotions are all over the place and things that shouldn’t be THAT big of a deal end up being the biggest of all deals. SO I SAY TO YOU MOMMY1, TELL THESE CHILDRENS ABOUT MOMMY2! 

There may be some magic in the way you approach it, maybe you could get your twelve year old more involved. Tell CHAUNCY (your 12 year old’s name is Chauncy) that you have something important to say to him. Say that you know he will understand but you’re not sure how to communicate with PISTACHIO (that’s your 7 year old). When CHAUNCY asks what it is, tell him the full story: you’re dating SANDRADEE (your girlf) and you’ve been scared to tell him bc of reason1, reason2 and reason3. 

Maybe CHAUNCY will think it’s weird, gross, stupid, uncomfortable, WHAT HAVE YOU. These are all totally natural reactions, but MAYBE just MAYBE the fact that you’re coming to him for help with talking to PISTACHIO, maybe that will overshadow his googly feelings about his mom dating a mom??

Also, I don’t know your kids, you do. You know them better than anyone bc you raised them and let’s be totally real, they probably won’t care, or they will already have an idea, or they will just want to talk about it. I have no way of knowing…i totally just picked the names and genders of your children (as if it mattered) for funsies. Ask them how they feel, let them talk about it.  If they’re scared or confused, let them be scared or confused. It’s a big deal, and they’re super lucky to have such a caring and open mom. Some moms don’t tell their kids anything. Remember you aren’t doing anything wrong and everyone needs a little time to get used to new family members (regardless of gender).

Kristin Says:

PISTACHIO IS THE CUTEST NAME FOR A SEVEN YEAR OLD IN THE HISTORY OF NAMES.

Here is my opinion, Anonymom: The best way to talk to kids is the exact same way you would talk to adults.  The more honest you are with them, the better everything will be, and the less of a ‘big deal’ you make it, the easier it will be for them to understand and to feel comfortable asking you any questions they might have. 

I am sure in your head you have created a giant scenario where your twelve year old throws her spaghetti on the floor and calls you a dyke and your seven year old asks you if that means you like boobs, and you panic and can’t breathe and you step on the dog and everyone starts scream-crying…but that is NOT going to happen.  Approach the conversation as a simple sit-down where you say something like:

“Hey, I know that you have been seeing SANDRADEE over here a lot, and it is really important to me that you know about all the things that are going on in my life - just like I want to know about the things going on in yours.  SANDRADEE and I are dating each other, and I know that might be a little confusing to you both since I was with your dad a few years ago, but we love each other very much and she makes me so happy.  I want you both to feel free to ask me any questions that you have, at any time, okay? Do either of you have any questions right now?” {{insert pause for questions}} “I love you both very much.”

Approach the conversation as the first of many, and not as THE ONE TIME I COME OUT TO MY KIDS, you know?  As with anything else, these things are a process, and this will be much more than a simple, one-time conversation.  The bottom line is that you’ve raised your kids in an open and accepting environment.  Even if they are a bit confused or angry or weirded out at first, with your love and support and honesty, they will be just fine.  Hell, if they have a happy and supportive mom, they are going to be way better than fine.

#closeriamtofi-i-i-i-iiiine