-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

1. Line the hallway with teddy bears. 

2. Ask on the JumboTron at a KNICKS game. 

3. Plan a cute vacation and don’t propose while you’re there, but when you get home be like ‘oh yea btw, will you be my man-wife’

4. Use the term ‘man-wife’

5. Tie the ring to the collar of someone else’s dog and then pretend you’re being attacked by said dog, your boyf will come to the rescue and damn WILL HE BE SURPRISED! 

6. Get a semi-local-celebrity (think car dealership owner or future city councilman) to propose on your behalf. 

7. Bake the ring into a pie.

8. Give him a mood ring and say ‘can we be bff’ and when he looks at you like you’re a goon, be like ‘JAYKAY YALL and give him a sparkly ring for marriage time.

Kristin Says:

1. HAHAHAHAHA BAKE THE RING INTO A PIE. BAKE. THE. FUCKING. RING. INTO. A. FUCKING. PIE.

2. Be like, “Hey want to hear my new rap?” and then have your friend pop out of the bushes and start beat-boxing and then be like, “Hey yo boy, you’re my toy, but now I’d like, to take a hike, down the aisle, for all the mile (s).” Then get down on one knee.

3. Scream really loudly like this: “AHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!” and when he’s like, “omg are you ok what’s going on,” be like, “Everything is fine, I just thought that would be a fun way to start a proposal story,” and when he’s like, “What?” … get down on one knee and do your thang.

4. Take him cliff diving and just as he takes his jump shout down, “WILL YOU MARRRY ME THOOOOO?”

5. Ask him while he’s pooping.

6. Take him to dinner and then for a walk around the park, and when no one is around and all you can hear is the crickets, take his hands into yours and ask him if he will spend forever with you. When you get home, show him this post and tell him he should be really happy you didn’t chose option #5

7. Cut and paste all of your and his favorite celebrities heads on a piece of paper with the heading, “People who want you to say yes.” Hand him the card and when he looks confused, ask him to marry your fool ass.

8. When you get into bed and you are spooning him real good, wrap your arms around him so that you are holding the ring in front of his face in bed. From behind him, whisper into his ear, “Will you please marry me?”

The end.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

—

Dannielle Says: 

hell to the nah. 

You know what? The teddy bear that i sleep with every single night I got in 2004. Yall, I wasn’t EVEN a kid back then. My ass was a freshman in college and my boyfriend was like ‘hey girl hey i gotchu a teddy bear and a taebo DVD for valentines day’ and I was like ‘fuck yea you did, here’s your lord of the rings poster’… then we slow danced in his dorm room to Luther Vandross and i have snuggled with that bear EVERY SINGLE NIGHT SINCE THEN. 

My teddy snugglin’ behind is 26 years old and one time, you guys, i left him at the laundry… I literally cried for 10 minutes and ran out the door like I left my six year old at wal-mart. It doesn’t even have to do with the bear or what he represents or something fun like that, it 100% has everything to do with the fact that i like the way it feels to have a stuffed thing under my armpit, and i especially like when that stuffed thing is BigGayBear (that’s his name).

A bear is a bear is a bear, even if it’s a stuffed bunny, it’s a bear, and it’s your bear and you snuggle the shit outta that bear for the rest of your life if you want. I WILL FOREVER RESPECT YOU. 

Kristin Says:

I have two things to say:

1. The image of Dannielle slow dancing with a boy to Luther Vandross is all at once hilarious and terrifying, and

2. I may or may not have a stuffed bear (it’s not a bear, but it is a bear, you know?) named Boris that I sleep with and also bring on airplanes when I am scared of flying, sooooo…

Basically, unless you think Dannielle and I are lame, then the answer to your question is a resounding no. That is applicable regardless of age or gender identity. Now, I suppose if you have 47 stuffed bears on your bed that you have to position around your head each night, that could be frustrating for a potential boo to navigate around, but if someone tell you that your sweet stuffed animal is lame, tell them Kristin said:    „|„

That’s my middle finger emoticon.

#StuffedBearsForLife