-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Well, one, it’s okay to take a dating break until you’re a little more comfortable talking about that kind of thing. Two, if you’re into online dating there are totally websites that are specific to people who are experiencing the exact thing you are experiencing right now. Three, shit happens. 

Now, I say shit happens not to discount the severity of this situation BUT TO LET YOU KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DEALING WITH STIS AND THAT DOESNT MAKE THEM GROSS OR STUPID OR WEIRD OR DUMB. I’ve known countless people who have slept with someone only to later find out that human gave them an STI and didn’t say anything and now won’t return their calls. OR didn’t even know they had an STI bc they hadn’t been tested. We all know people who have been in that situation and the fact of the matter is, that’s just life sometimes. What we have to do is move forward. 

Don’t sit in your room and think about how no one will ever love you bc that’s just not true. Go to your doctor, get checked out, grab some meds and practice honesty. If you meet someone you really like but you’re not comfy talking about your downstairs and things start getting hot and heavy you can stop and say ‘hey, i really like you but i’m not totally comfortable with going very far right now, can we take it slow?’ Any decent human being will be like ‘yea totally’ and then once you two know each other a little better you can be like ‘i really wanna get frisky but we have to be safe, i’ve made a mistake in the past and i don’t want to screw this up’ THEN the two of you will talk about what it is happened and they will be very understanding, maybe nervous, maybe confused, maybe upset, but you will have been honest with them and that’s the best thing you can possibly do.

Kristin Says:  

Yes. What Dannielle said.

First: You have every right to feel embarrassed, upset, and confused about having herpes - because in general, those are the ways in which the world makes us feel when we contract an STI.

Second: Try to understand those shameful feelings as a product of your surroundings, and not as a true reflection of yourself. You are not gross. You are not dirty. You are not untouchable. You are a human being with a body, and you are fully capable of practicing safe and TOTALLY AWESOME sex with that body (just like everyone else, herpes or no herpes).

Third: You do not have to tell people about your STI on the very first date. I am repeating Dannielle here, but I think it is important to note that you can get to know someone before opening up to them about sex and your body… you likely wouldn’t be talking about sex on the first date otherwise, and you shouldn’t have to do so now.

Fourth: When you get to a place where you want to be intimate with a person, that is when the dialogue needs to happen. Remember that most people are scared or wary of things because they don’t understand them - so if you come to the conversation with information and are able to explain how you can have safe and enjoyable sexitime, you are likely going to find that you have a willing partner.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Good ass question. 

I think it’ll prolly be a slow process. Start by not saying the bitchy things you think, instead text them to your also-bitchy bff. I think the more you have them in writing (texting) the more you’ll notice exactly what it is you’re thinking and when. Also, talking yourself down helps. If in your head you’re like ‘ugh this place sucks and everyone here is dressed stupid and the music is so gayyyyyyyyy’ take a minute and say ‘alllright, they’re not stupid bc they’re not dressed like me, music can’t really be gay and this place could be alright i guess’ … Taking those few steps back to not think everything is the TOTAL worst can help too. 

AND ALSO. Remember that we’re all people and the world would be a much better place if we were just nice to one another. AND ON TOP OF THAT remember how easy it is to be nice. Take four seconds out of your day to hold a door for someone you don’t know. Let some guy cut in front of you at Hardee’s. Pick up someone’s book. Smile at a stranger. Thank the bus driver. Leave a penny at the stupid leave a penny thing. Do tiny things that are the opposite of bitchy and do them on purpose. Live your life with purpose, yall, and just be nice. That’s how we can fix the whole earth. 

Kristin Says:

Here are the reasons I am a bitch, and what I do to try and not be one:

1. Anger: When I get angry about something, I am then a bitch with a much larger bitch-radius then just that item that originally angered me. Por ejemplo, if I am on the phone with someone trying to figure out my bank charges and they are RUDE and INCOMPETENT, I will then get off the phone and be a total bitch to anyone in my path because I AM SO ANGRY BECAUSE I KNOW THINGS AND THE BANK LADY WAS MEAN TO ME AND I AM A GOOD PERSON GODDAMMIT. So. In that instance, I think it is taking a moment to realize what is making you angry, reassuring yourself that the bank lady is probably just having a really bad day and didn’t mean to be so horrible, taking a deep breath and realizing that you have the power to stop the anger in its tracks by moving forward and being kind.

2. Confusion: If I don’t understand something, I can get reaallllll bitchy. Dannielle is actually the queen of this method of bitchdom, she will be all, “ADOBE PHOTOSHOP IS THE STUPIDEST PROGRAM EVER, IT DOESN’T WORK AND I HATE IT.” Then she will learn a shortcut and be like, “Ohhhhh, anyway, you lookin’ real fine Adobe Photoshop.” In this arena of bitchiness, you have to remember that you are a person, and you can’t know everything at the speed of light. You can ask questions, you can take the time you need to understand things better… and none of that will make you seem dumb. It will actually make you seem strong and smart (which you are.)

3. Feeling stupid: This is the CREME DE LA CREME of reasons people are bitchwads, including moi. If you feel like your friends have an inside joke, or if you feel like someone is laughing at you, or if you feel like people might think your new haircut isn’t awesome, or if you think that other people think you aren’t smart… your defense is usually to put up a wall of defense and be like I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT YOU THINK, AS A MATTER OF FACT I CARE SO LITTLE THAT I WILL GO OUT OF MY TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU DON’T MATTER TO ME. Here’s the thing. We all feel like this sometimes. Chances are that most of the time, no one thinks you are stupid, and what’s more: if certain people are thinking those negative things, it doesn’t have any power to make you stupid. If anything, it makes them appear weak and childish. So, remember that by leaving it alone, you are taking away their power. When that feeling of bitchpower surges through your veins, take a deep breath and remember that your strength is in believing in yourself and focusing on the positive things that surround you.