- Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

I haven’t watched Buffy since it was on actual TV (aka i’m old). BUT I AM BASICALLY SCARRED FROM THAT ONE CROSSOVER EPISODE TOWARD THE END WHERE THERE WAS ONLY A LITTLE BIT OF TIME LEFT AND THERE WAS CRYING. 

Literally I think about it once a week and get weepy… So good luck to you living the rest of your life like a normal human being. 

Kristin Says:

You guys, I also watched Buffy while it was on TV, but I am rewatching the entire series from the beginning and I am watching Angel at the same time and the other day I watched an episode where THINGS HAPPENED that were SO F*CKING SAD that I sobbed on my couch while eating cashews.

Like, sobbed.

Are we supposed to give advice here?

#HappyMemorialDay

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Listen. This has happened to me multiple times. One time I didn’t talk to my friend for two days bc I was so mad about something she’d done in my dream… More recently, I had a dream my best friend in the world stole my favorite pants and bejeweled the back pockets. I WAS PISSED. I’m not wearing bejeweled pants, you know?? I ignored her for two hours and then finally scream texted her about my pants and we made jokes and it was fine. 

I think you should tell her about your dream and if you scream text her that’s totally okay. It was just a dream, you know? That’s not actually how you feel and as long as you’re okay communicating that to her, you should say something. BECAUSE LIKE, if you scream ‘I HAD A DREAM I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU AND NOW I FEEL WEIRD’ you’re opening up the door for jokes. Once you can joke about it, you’ll feel a lot better. 

On the other side of this whole thing, if you don’t yell and joke about this you’re going to feel weird forever… so you have no choice. GOOD LUCK NERD. 

Kristin Says:

Yeaaaaaaah, you gotta just tell her. IT’S JUST A DREAM YOU GUYS.  Last night I dreamt that Dannielle and I invented styrofoam… you know?!

My suggestion for a great comedic delivery would be to dramatically hit pause the next time you are watching your favorite roomie show together, keep your eyes focused on the TV and scream, “I DREAMT ABOUT BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I AM REALLY SORRY AHHHHHHHHHHH,” and during the extended “AHHHHHHHH” get up and run around the couch in circles with your arms flailing.

-Question submitted by Anonymous

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Dannielle Says: 

Is this question about Tegan and Sara? 

Listen, you should call her bc this is hilarious. And if you call her and say ‘here’s the thing, your sister gave me your number bc I think you’re the only gay person she knows…’ she will laugh hysterically. ALSO THIS IS SUCH A BRILLIANT ‘HOW WE MET’ STORY. Ugh, you’re so lucky. 

Honestly, if I were you, I’d text her and say ‘you sister gave me your number bc she thought we should get coffee or something and talk about being gay together… is that weird’ BECAUSE EVEN IF she’s like ‘uh.. that is kind of weird’ you can be like ‘i thought so too, but YOLO, you know?’ and if she’s like ‘LOL SHE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT’ you can be like ‘LOL YOLO’ … you know? 

Kristin Says:

I feel like I have watched one too many Lifetime movies, because after I laughed hysterically at this situation I froze in my tracks and was like, OMG WHAT IF SHE IS JUST TELLING YOU SHE HAS A TWIN BECAUSE SHE LIVES A DOUBLE LIFE AND SOMETIMES SHE IS GAY TWIN AND OTHERTIMES SHE IS STRAIGHT TWIN.

That probably isn’t the case, but if it is I can’t wait for the made-for-TV movie.

Also yes yes yes yes you have to call her. Just say, “hi, my name YOURNAME and I met your sister the other day and thought she was really cute and NORMALLY that would be awkward but turns out she looks exactly like you (via BIOLOGY) and she thought I should give you a call because you are a big gaywad like myself. So. Hi. Want to get a coffee and laugh about this whole thing together?”

Do it. Tell us what happens. I need to know.

Dannielle Says: 

So, my future downstairs neighbor works for PAWS chicago…all i want is a dog. IT’S ALL I WANT. Apparently she fosters dogs on the reg and has four cats and her roommate is in the circus. Also, in my future, I will live 4 blocks from a Trader Joe’s… Do you guys know if all TJs have bad produce or if it’s just in New York? I mean, it’s okay if they do, everything else is great so it balances out PLUS there’s not a TJs close to me here and I prefer Rachel’s for purchasing fruits and veggies anyway so it works out… but I don’t think there’s a market close to my future home. 

Also, if there is a dog in my future, I wish to have him groomed at DOG-A-HOLICS… which is an actual doggy grooming SLASH day care in chicago…soooooooo

Also, I started watching The Office, how come no one ever forced me to watch it before now? It’s literally the funniest show on the planet. Also, I heard 30 rock is getting cancelled…who made THAT decision? That human prolly hangs out with whoever cancelled Pushing Daises and Arrested Development and United States of Tara and Friday Night Lights and FRIENDS and Samantha Who and My So-Called Life and Strangers with Candy…. omg the world is full of idiots. I can’t decide if it’s too many idiots watching TV or too many idiots controlling TV….WHY DID SO MANY GREAT TV SHOWS GET CANCELLED. MY LIFE IS OVER. 

Kristin Says:

I just found out recently that My So-Called Life got cancelled because Angela Chase AKA Claire Danes didn’t want to do it anymore, which made me REAL MAD at first because when I was a teenager I made a petition and had everyone at school sign it so that the network would keep the show… and they probably got my petition and thought, “what a stupid idiot, this isn’t even a network decision… i bet this idiot will never make anything of herself ever…” BUT I DID LOOK SEE I RUN MY OWN COMPANY YOU BIG ASSHOLES.

I’m not as angry anymore, though, because I am sure that Angela Chase AKA Claire Danes had her reasons. Also… I used to want to be Rayanne so fucking bad that I dyed my hair with a huge blonde streak to try to emulate her. Here is a side by side circa 1997:

…YOU ARE ALL WELCOME.